Former NRL forward Daniel Conn has emerged from dark times determined to save lives
EXCLUSIVE: Plagued by dark thoughts, former NRL forward Daniel Conn contemplated ending his life. Three times. Now the one-time flame of Geordie Shore star Vicky Pattison is ready to tell his tale.
NRL
Don't miss out on the headlines from NRL. Followed categories will be added to My News.
- NRL State of Mind ambassador Tariq Sims addresses forum
- NRL star Shaun Timmins says talking about mental health may help
- Sam Burgess praises NRL’s 21-day resilience program for players
PLAGUED by a dark mind, Daniel Conn contemplated ending his life. Not once, but three times.
It would have been easy to assume the NRL star had everything to live for — successful, driven and attractive, working as a male model. The kind of guy that women want to be alongside and men want to be.
But his confidence dropped when a neck injury forced him to prematurely retire at the age of 25 in 2011 following seven seasons with the Bulldogs, Titans and Roosters after leaving his home town of Dubbo as a teenager.
He’d often appear not only on the sports pages of newspapers but gained further fame after a string of high-profile romances with Hollywood and reality TV stars including Geordie Shore’s Vicky Pattison.
Conn also appeared on both the sixth season of the British reality series and Ex On The Beach.
After hanging up the boots, Conn lost his sense of purpose and he fell into a lonely pit of self-doubt.
Nowadays the 31-year-old is happy, healthy and using the fitness industry to share his remarkable story and save lives. And now he is ready to tell his tale.
“I’ve attempted suicide three times,” he told The Sunday Telegraph.
“Twice up on the Gold Coast and once in Sydney. I often thought if I stuff it up, people will just think it is a cry for help so I better do it right.
“But I was lucky I talked myself out of it. It got to the point, where as much as you want to disappear, you’ve got to think about the people around you that would have helped if you said something.
“But you forget about that. It’s really hard, because sometimes you hear about these stories and it’s too late.
“I think it’s eight people every day that commit suicide in Australia and 3000 a year — it’s crazy.”
Fuelled by these sobering statistics, Conn is determined to erase the stigma surrounding depression.
It’s why he devotes countless hours travelling across the country conducting training sessions to pass on his inspirational story.
Speaking to people through fitness is his way of supporting others suffering in silence.
He knows the struggle of fronting with a smile when inside you’re feeling nothing but pain.
“I got to a point where I couldn’t leave the house,” recalled the member of the Roosters’ 2010 grand final team.
“I didn’t leave my room for four or five days.
“I was feeling isolated and I pushed people away. I even brushed phone calls from family and friends because I didn’t want to be a burden.
“It was hard, because I thought I’d still be the popular guy and everyone would know who I am when I walk down the street.
“But as soon as you come out of that footy bubble, you’ve got to work out your whole identity again. In fact, it lasts years trying to find who you are and what you are.
“Isolating myself was my coping mechanism for depression, but it was the worst thing I could have done.”
COURAGE TO SPEAK
Conn reached breaking point four years after retiring. He found himself so lost, he would drive around in his car for hours without any purpose.
“There were a lot of days where I’d get in the car and I’d drive until I ran out of petrol,” he said.
“Then I’d fill it up and I didn’t know where to go. This was years after footy and I was still trying to find out what my whole purpose was.”
Conn realised he needed help. It’s why he checked himself into a rehabilitation centre on Sydney’s Northern Beaches.
“I owed it to myself and my family to go,” he said.
“As much as it hurts, I think you have to go through those really dark times. Then when something good comes along, you really appreciate it.”
Conn met many people at the rehabilitation centre who had experienced similar mental demons. But there was one boy in particular who inspired to overcome his struggles.
“I became really close with a young homeless boy who was a recovering heroin addict,” he said.
“He had lived on the streets since he was 12.
“God bless his soul he committed suicide a couple of days ago, just because there was no one there for him to help him out.
“But he was teaching me things. I was asking him questions like, how did you live on the streets, what did you do? He told me how he got by and I was just baffled.
“It puts you back into reality, because reality gets warped when you are playing footy.”
Empathy came naturally for Conn given his own reliance on painkillers to push through injuries during his career.
In 2008 he admitted to faking painkiller prescriptions and was fined and ordered to do community service.
“The young boy was taking heroin to avoid a life on the streets, but in the NRL you are trying to escape injury and criticism so you can perform on the field,” he said.
“That helped me put things into perspective.
“You just want to get that feel-good feeling and that is something you want to try and keep when you are playing.
“At the Roosters especially I played with painkillers a lot to train and play, because I had to.”
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
You don’t have to search far nowadays to see Conn’s motivation. The retired forward has a tattoo on his neck — “Breaking the cycle” — a message that defines his story.
“I feel it is my calling, because I was in the cycle and some of my mates that have passed away were in that cycle too,” he said.
“My biggest thing is about lifting that stigma about starting the conversations.
“I’ve found a new identity and I’ve come to terms with that.
“Stories like Chad Robinson broke my heart. I was rattled. I didn’t know him super well, but I played against him and I knew what sort of character he was.
“I guess it hurts so much because you know he was the type of bloke that wouldn’t reach out.
“That’s why physical activity is so important, because it gets you out of that space and interacting with people.”
Conn is making an impact. He regularly receives emails from clients thanking him for saving their lives.
“One day I was reading an email from a client at the traffic lights and I started tearing up,” he said.
“The car behind me was beeping their horn and I was a wreck. The person was writing to tell me about their battle with depression and they had been following my journey and it has inspired them to go and get help.
“They tried to commit suicide, but now they’re OK. It gives me goose bumps thinking about it.
“I mean, that’s how much power I can generate, then that’s my purpose. It drives me.”
THE FUTURE
Conn is about to start a diploma in mental health, while he is set to launch a global fitness website, app and forum for pre- and post-natal pregnant women called “You be mumma”.
“The next 12 months for me is going to be biblical in terms of changing lives,” he said.
“I want to digitally show what I’m doing in my life through avenues likes YouTube to show a realistic point of view.
“Unlike what social media portrays, not every day is a good day and if you are not OK it’s OK. I want to be aspirational, but attainable. Now I’ve got an idea of what my identity and purpose is I want to share it.
“Because there are a lot of people I can help through my story to save lives.”
IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW NEEDS HELP, CONTACT LIFELINE ON 13 11 14 OR BEYONDBLUE ON 1300 224 636
NRL Market Watch: Titans boot former Bronco to Super League
Brisbane grand final forward Keenan Palasia has been shown the door at the Gold Coast Titans as Des Hasler cleans out his squad and rebuilds for 2025.
Cleary’s cheeky jab at Eels greats as fans flock to cheer Panthers
A huge crowd of Penrith fans have flocked to Panthers HQ to celebrate their team’s historic fourth straight premiership as Nathan Cleary responds to claims that his side could not match it with the Eels outfit of the 1980s.