‘Stunning reality check’ puts David Warner’s swan song in serious jeopardy

Fresh doubt has been cast over David Warner’s swan song with the opener delivering a cold hard truth Australian cricket can’t ignore.

COMMENT

Fresh doubt has been cast on David Warner’s SCG swan song, with the nation now debating whether the event should be cancelled altogether.

After all, how can we farewell a guy who’s just brained one of the greatest mic-drop knocks of all time? Especially knowing our only replacements who’d get within cooee of such an innings are either in commentary boxes or coffins?

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One week ago, Warner wasn’t welcome in Perth, let alone to stage his own Travis Head-like celebration tour that culminated in a third Test kick-on at Sydney.

But by batting the house down in Perth, not only has the opener redeemed himself – and administered Mitchell Johnson two root canals to the eyeballs – he’s also delivered Australia a stunning reality check.

After contemplating how to get rid of this bloke, we’re now shredding receipts and wondering how we’ll survive without him.

The brisk strike rate. The electric fielding. The vaudevillian figure to blame whenever there’s acrimony or an interest rate rise.

If Warner retires, how will Australia ever spread a new-ball field again?

Have we taken him for granted? And is it too late to cancel the keg for Sydney?

Oh god what have we done? (Photo by Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)

While his superb century in Perth came against a weakened Pakistan attack on an agreeable wicket in a far-off time zone, the answer is simple:

Warner now has no choice but to cancel his retirement, if only to make us feel better about ourselves.

Sure, the left-hander’s age is about to collide with his average in the 40’s, and to be fair, he may not even want to continue playing, even if Johnson agrees to provocatively condemn him once a week.

But he should’ve considered his needs before foolishly tonning-up.

Because Australia has a renewed appreciation of a follow-on without ever intending to take it, and the thrill of being triple figures at lunch on day one after metabolising a new ball, the farewell party for the maligned Matravillian must be replaced with a grovelling apology, preferably from Mitch to a packed SCG on a cloudy webcam hostage-style.

Perth has proved that despite his patchy form, his unvarnished housing commission manners and his wife running third man in every time he burps, at his peak nobody can hold a stick quite like Warner.

Warner remains the best option to replace Warner. (Photo by Paul Kane/Getty Images)

And with all due respect to his chasing pack of replacements including Marcus Harris, Matt Renshaw and Cam Bancroft, comparing them is like taking two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Put simply, nobody else can whisk the game away from the opposition in such fashion like Warner while the mortal palooka at the other end takes a week of sighters to get his eye in.

Would you rather a 52-year-old Warner nicking off to Stuart Broad’s son every two years if it meant not being 0/25 at lunch and snoozing every test?

The answer is obvious.

Yes, the 109-test stalwart has a reptilian approach that has been guilty of skunking the sanctity of cricket.

Yes, he has committed numerous acts of malfeasance like swearing, fighting, cheating and worse, switch-hitting.

But would “giving him one more bat” for eternity feel any more interminable than an anesthetised 15 (79) from a mute?

It’s not too late.

Let us show our new-found appreciation for Warner by cruelly blocking his fairytale.

– Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad. He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Originally published as ‘Stunning reality check’ puts David Warner’s swan song in serious jeopardy