The #timesup moment that made MAFS worthwhile
WHEN the reckoning finally came to reality TV, it was glorious. And the reaction of newly reformed chauvinist Dean showed we might actually be getting somewhere, writes Victoria Hannaford.
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THE high point of Married at First Sight?
No, it wasn’t Nasser yelling “it’s not all about hashtag Davina, hashtag coconut oil,” while the show’s villain thoughtfully ran a finger over her augmented lips (wishing for some coconut oil perhaps?) — although that was a cracking critique.
It was a #timesup moment that made the whole matrimonial mess — that we seem to have been watching since the dawn of time — worthwhile.
For weeks, viewers have been riveted by the twists and turns in the lives of the ‘married’ couples as they struggled with their relationships and their own emotional baggage before MAFS finally concluded last night.
A stunning lack of self-awareness plagued some of the most reviled characters, including Dean and Davina, who both came off as chauvinist pigs after their affair and refusal to see the impact that it had on their partners, and the rest of the group. Dean’s eventual contrition for his cheating in the penultimate episode was almost damascene, but his transformation from all of his chauvinist behaviour was only fully realised in the series finale last night.
(And in case you’re wondering, yes, women can be chauvinist pigs too. The term “female chauvinist pig”, as detailed by US writer Ariel Levy in the New York Times in 2005, is used to describe women who have absorbed ‘lad culture’ and a porn aesthetic and repurposed it as a version of post-feminist ‘empowerment’. Fuelled by breast implants and women objectifying themselves, it’s almost as though the term was designed for Instagram model Davina.)
The show’s retrograde premise and the regressive behaviour of some of the main players is dragged into the present day and our cultural discussion of misogyny when the infamous “boys’ night” footage is replayed to the participants in the show’s ‘experiment’.
Several of the men in the show had exchanged comments about which of the show’s women they would consider trading their ‘wives’ for. They had previously refused to admit the discussion was disrespectful.
As it becomes obvious that the footage, with its undeniably offensive content, is about to be played back to the group, the main players in the ‘banter’ the denials become more wishy-washy.
“I honestly don’t really have any recollection of exactly what I said at the boys night … Maybe I said some stuff that may come across as not so great,” Dean says, while wincing.
Justin chimes in when asked if he was worried about anything he’d previously said: “Not to memory, no.”
But as the group sees the footage and it plays back like this:
Dean asks if anyone has had a crack at anyone else — like he did with Davina.
Troy asks if any of the other men had considered a “girl” they would have swapped for their wife.
Justin tells the group his wife Carly “wants Dean” and that it’s “no secret”. Dean agrees and says he’s “felt a bit of a vibe from Carly”.
Then Justin evaluates which of the women he’s most attracted to before settling on Ashley.
In this charged atmosphere, where women are being offered up like livestock, Dean seems miffed no one has decided they’d like to partner swap his wife, Tracey.
“What about Tracey, guys? She’s hot. Someone just say they want to bang Tracey, please,” he shouts.
There are disbelieving looks and icy stares as the women watch in the present moment and shake their heads.
When it’s over, most of the group are horrified, but Troy tries to pass it off as tame, as does Justin.
They’re quickly schooled by the women in the room.
One of the show’s experts, Mel Schilling asks: “What part of that was respectful?” and Troy is transformed into a Reject Shop version of Hugh Grant with his bumbling explanation.
Dr Trisha Stratford asks Justin if his comments were a betrayal of his partner.
“I don’t believe so,” he replies and then offers a qualified retraction. “If it was I apologise…”.
Dean still thinks it was jokey banter.
“I found that disrespectful, how he just offered me up to everyone,” Tracey says. “Who talks like that? Where’s the respect?”
“Some stuff you just don’t joke about,” Sarah says.
But it’s down to Gabby to point out that most women deal with this kind of misogyny all the time, and they’ve had enough.
“What bothered me about that scenario was this theme of ‘who’s hot and who’s not’ that goes on about women a lot,” she says. “And that’s the thing that I was absolutely jack of.”
And when Dean faces this, the reckoning of #timesup comes home to roost.
“ ... To see you guys’ reactions I can definitely understand why you think it’s a bit disrespectful and a bit inappropriate, and I apologise to all the women here,” he says.
It’s then that Schilling succinctly sums up why this conversation about “boys’ night” banter matters.
“The purpose here is to show that this kind of discussion at a boy’s night has an impact on women when they hear it. Perhaps you might reconsider the way you talk about a woman in the presence of men next time.”
It might have only played out in the final moments, but when #timesup came to MAFS, it was glorious. And if show’s resident chauvinist Dean can see there’s damage done by misogynist chatter, then we might actually be getting somewhere.
Let’s just hope any other men who needed to get the message were paying attention too.
Victoria Hannaford is a RendezView writer and producer.