Parents must stop blaming everyone but themselves
IT’S tempting to point the finger when your child behaves badly, but really, it’s time mums and dads started looking in the mirror and owning their parental failings, writes Louise Roberts.
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A SYDNEY school has this week been criticised for the way it punishes students who are caught with contraband such as chewing gum or permanent marker pens.
The teen offenders can either cop two hours’ detention or pay a fine of $20 towards the cost of covering a janitor to clean up their mess.
But, comes the all too predictable response, what will these brats learn about responsibility if they can buy their way out of trouble?
Meanwhile further north, another principal wanting to set an example has begun fining mum and dad themselves for dropping their kids off early at school.
The sneaky trick of trying to score free babysitting, which I have myself witnessed, means parents avoid paying for before school care and gamble on the likelihood of a teacher being rostered on playground duty.
As a parent, it is far too easy to apportion blame everywhere else except in the areas you are failing.
And let’s face it — we all fail. The challenge is asking for help, not shirking responsibility.
A friend of mine used to walk past the local primary school kiss-and-drop on her way to work.
One morning a large SUV pulled up at 7.50am. An activewear clad woman climbed out and opened the rear door, revealing a sobbing and tiny girl who could not have been a day over five years old.
She dragged the child out of the car, loaded her up with a back pack that almost toppled her over and gave her a none-too-gentle shove and an air kiss.
My friend said she seemed oblivious to her daughter’s tears and just said: “Mummy is already late for gym class, get it together and go to school.”
The Queensland primary school principal who warned parents she will charge them for childcare has been applauded on social media, not in the least because if those early drop off kids go missing or get hurt, guess who will be blamed?
Heaven forbid that would be mummy in her activewear rushing to make her 8am ashtanga yoga class.
Repeat after me: Teachers are for educating not babysitting.
Parenting challenge is endemic in this week’s story about a nine-year-old schoolgirl who refuses to stand for the national anthem because she says it represents “Advance White Australia” at the expense of indigenous Aussies.
In areas of discipline, where do you draw the line between respect for culture and tradition and the right to reject them?
Parenting being lumped in the too hard basket is a depressingly familiar theme of late, given most us are still bewildered by the mums and dads who complained on 60 Minutes recently that their kids were addicted to the game Fortnite.
Glued to devices in their bedrooms, two boys, Logan, 14, and Sam, 13, haven’t been to school for up to two years. The gaming continues, such is the abuse and tantrums they hurl at their shell-shocked parents.
I watched that episode with in laws and my own kids, our reactions veering from confusion to horror, annoyance and pity for all parties involved.
But video games are not to blame for bad parenting and not every diabolic behaviour can be pigeonholed as a disorder.
While there may be no consequences dished out to the kids in question, there are terrible consequences for family life which is shattered.
So who is in charge here — parents or kids? Stop getting confused between parent and friend.
Or was one reader commented: “I have an 11-year-old who plays Fortnite. He’s not permitted to play it on weeknights and has restricted two hours per weekend.
“That two hours is based on performance at school and how much respect my husband and I have garnered during the week. When he’s told he can’t have it, he gets ticked off but THAT’S MY JOB.”
Back in Windsor, principal Kevin Jones said the two-tiered penalty system got the message through to kids.
“It is one of the things we put in place just to highlight to the kids that the damage they do with things like chewing gum does actually cost all of us in the school money.
“We don’t want anyone to get a sense of disadvantage — we’re very careful about equity in our school.”
NSW Parents Council’s Rose Cantali begs to differ, saying of the fines: “Children need to learn that if they break the rules there are consequences and you can’t get out of it.”
Agreed.
Problem is, schools are having to fix behaviour parents have failed to act on at home.
It’s an ongoing conundrum. Why do some parents seem so quick to abrogate their responsibility to protect their child, to teach them wrong from right and to dish out consequences when necessary?
If a school principal decides to hit them in the hip pocket where it hurts to try and get them to pay attention, then they have my full support. If it prevents one accident, one abduction or one act of bullying, then it is worth every cent.
Before and after school care is set up as a service for working parents who need that little bit of extra time.
No mum or dad is perfect and there might be a time when circumstances beyond their control require them to leave early, or arrive home late. But commonsense should prevail. A bit of planning and organisation.
Yes you are going to make small and monumental mistakes. But two things have to remain constant. Unconditional but tough love and an unwavering commitment to keep your children safe.
Safe from danger, not necessarily loss or disappointment, because this builds resilience.
This is a contract we sign for life.