Nobody takes divorce lightly, so let’s give celebs a break about it

We need to give Karl Stefanovic a break, writes Angela Mollard. Divorce can happen to the best of us, and that includes me.

Today Show hosts Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkinson. His divorce is unlikely to bother any of his viewers. (Pic: Andrew Tauber)

If there is one true thing about divorce it is this: it happens.

It happens to good people and smart people and caring people just as it happens to megalomaniacs and alcoholics and those foolhardy enough to cut their toenails on the sofa while watching TV with their spouse.

It happens to academics and politicians and rubbish collectors. It even happens to psychologists which is proof that you can be an expert on human behaviour and communication yet still not make a marriage work.

Furthermore, it happens to “good girls” — think ABC newsreader Juanita Phillips and former Channel Seven host Chris Bath and TV darling Lisa McCune who was famously photographed passionately kissing co-star Teddy Tahu Rhodes in 2012. McCune has repeatedly refused to clarify whether she is still married to husband Tim Disney, although Rhodes has said the pair are now just “very good friends”.

It happened to Bob Hawke and Anna Bligh and Opposition Leader Bill Shorten. Obviously it’s happened to Donald Trump. Twice. It even happened to Ben Affleck after his wonderfully authentic Oscar’s speech admitting marriage is hard work but “the best kind of work”.

Karl Stefanovic is going through a divorce and is dating again. It doesn’t make him any less able to do his job. (Pic: Jonathan Ng)

And therein lies the second true thing about divorce: most people don’t leave lightly. They struggle for years working through a panoply of issues which might include mental health, infidelity, financial stress, infertility, abuse or simply growing apart until one day they can’t do it anymore. Worse, for many divorce is not a decision they make but a decision made for them.

Most of us know this. We’ve seen it in our families, among our friends. Life isn’t like a string of pearls — even, shiny and unblemished. Rather, it’s messy and imperfect — flotsam and jetsam and broken glass and chipped shells strung together with old string and a dash of hope.

Anyway, all of this is a very roundabout way of saying we need to give Karl Stefanovic a break.

Apparently audiences are turning off The Today Show because he’s an affront to their family values. Really? If you don’t like Stefanovic because you think he’s a smart arse or he lacks talent or he’s paid too much then fine, switch off. But to stop watching because his marriage has ended and he’s started dating is small-minded, judgmental and utterly lacking in empathy.

History and life has taught us that those in glass houses often throw the biggest stones. The fact is “the public” lead lives as flawed and nuanced as those rendered famous through celebrity, sport, power, wealth or status. We just don’t see their mistakes.

Getting a divorce doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s even happened to TV darling Lisa McCune. (Pic: Ian Currie)

Equally, “family values” are not the preserve of those who drive round in four-wheel drives with cheery white stick figures slapped on the back. What an antediluvian notion to presume that the only worthwhile life is one made up of mum, dad and three kids. In 2017 “family values” should refer to the resilience, tolerance, warmth, generosity and forgiveness we cultivate and show to others whether they’re black, white, straight, gay, man, woman, coupled, single, disabled or, heaven forbid, divorced.

The fact is Channel Nine is not going to fall apart because one of its hosts splits from his wife and begins a new relationship, just as Channel Seven is not facing Armageddon because its CEO had an affair. We forgive people their life choices and indiscretions because to err is human.

People lead long lives. The fall in and out of love. They do the wrong thing. Honestly, if Mel Gibson can still get people to watch his work — and good work it is — then Stefanovic surely deserves our loyalty. He’s a high-profile TV host because he’s good at it — and, yes, as his estranged wife Cassandra Thorburn has pointed out, because she was a tremendous support.

Being divorced doesn’t affect Russell Crowe’s acting ability. (Pic: Getty)

Divorces and workplace relationships like that of QBE boss John Neal, who took a $550,000 pay cut for failing to notify the board of his relationship with his personal assistant after separation from his wife, are newsworthy and endlessly intriguing. But lives go on. Lisa McCune is still a superb actress, Bill Shorten is no less of a politician because his first marriage ended and Russell Crowe is still box office gold. Indeed I was pleased to see Channel Seven’s Tim Worner playing touch footy with his son on the beach last weekend. I hope his wife feels she can step out similarly, free of pity or embarrassment.

Perhaps I’m sympathetic to Stefanovic because I understand. Three years ago my own marriage ended after several years of building a loyal readership in this newspaper. Months on I wrote about it, my heart in my mouth the Sunday it was published. What if I was no longer seen as “wholesome”? Would I lose readers?

People were lovely. “How sad,” they wrote to me. “Are you OK?” One took the time to let me know I’d ruined my children’s lives (they’re fine, thank you) and another pointed out I’d need to cut “that God-awful Farrah Fawcett hair” if I ever expected to get a date.

But the email that really made me smile came several weeks later. “I like you better now. I’ve always liked your writing, but now you’re not so smug.”