#Metoo may be overdue, but it’s highly dangerous

Could there be anything less exciting than a partner who requires, or thinks he or she is legally obliged to ­obtain, formal permission at every step, asks Claire Harvey.

IS IT all right if I kiss you?

May I nuzzle your breasts? Would you like me to unzip your skirt with my teeth? Is this OK? Is this OK?

If this is the future of human sexual relations we don’t need to worry about climate change any more. If we’re about to require constant, explicit consent, we’re doomed as a species.

Could there be anything less sexually exciting than a partner who requires, or thinks he or she is legally obliged to ­obtain a formal permission at every step?

Here’s a woman’s truth about the reality of sex. There’s some persuasion involved, a lot of the time. And actually, a little persuasion is kinds nice.

When men and women go home together it often goes like this: He’s very, very keen. She’s intrigued, but not about to make any hot moves. He kisses and flatters and wheedles and, well, he ­seduces. She gets into it. Really into it. She loves being wanted. They have spectacular sex. She feels desired. He feels like a true warrior hero.

That is not the same — not even in the same universe — as sexual assault, rape or even misconduct. And if you’re not smart enough to work out the difference, well, that’s on you.

To conflate the two is not just an insult to men.

It is utterly disastrous for everything feminism has achieved.

Aziz Ansari has been accused of sexual assault by an unnamed woman. (Pic: Frederic J. Brown)

Women did not win the vote and obtain equal pay to, in 2017, decide we require a full consent form to be signed ­before anyone can unhook our bras. And I challenge you to find a woman who will say, honestly, that every sexual ­encounter has been the result of entirely mutual enthusiasm from the very first moment.

Men are ardent lovers. At least, they are if they are into it. They woo. They pursue. They serenade. That does not and will never make them rapists. For God’s sake, when did desire become illegal?

And how the hell did poor old Aziz Ansari, the American comedian, find himself in the unfortunate pantheon of sexual harassers, perverts and creeps presently forming a new constellation in Hollywood and beyond?

Ansari, in case you’re late to this one, is a former star of Parks and Recreation who had a sexual encounter with a young woman who subsequently told all to an American website. She described going to his apartment after they met, whereupon he lifted her onto a kitchen bench. They kissed, had oral sex she didn’t particularly love and, basically, that was it. She left. The next day she sent him a text message saying she had felt pressured and uncomfortable.

He apologised.

When the article was ­published — including her ­description of one of his habits of putting two fingers in her mouth for her to moisten — Ansari said he was mortified and had reached out personally to apologise to her for any impropriety. Poor bastard.

James Franco has also been accused of sexual assault and harassment by multiple women. (Pic: Richard Shotwell)

For a start, his two-fingers-in-the-mouth technique which he presumably thinks is the height of eroticism, has been puzzled at by people all over the world. (A bit like, incidentally, comedian Louis CK’s thing for masturbating in front of fully clothed strangers. Sorry, is that arousing? It sounds more like an adolescent nightmare: being caught with your pants completely off and your enthusiasm impossible to hide from people who think you are just a schlubby weirdo).

Ansari has found himself lambasted and ridiculed for wanting very much to have sex with a girl who was responding with muted enthusiasm but who didn’t say no at any point.

He persisted a little. She went along, a little. Then she left. He didn’t handcuff her to the bed. He didn’t assault her. He is not Harvey Weinstein. He’s not even Louis CK. He’s not a rapist. He’s not a criminal. He’s a man.

I think #metoo is fascinating, overdue and in many cases, absolutely right.

But I also think it’s dangerous. I can’t bear the idea that young men will be taught to feel ashamed of desire, or that young women will learn to ­despise all sex they haven’t ­initiated by flinging themselves on top of someone.

Once the campus fringe-dwellers and the professional ­victims get everything off their chests, we can reconvene where we first set out. The point of this movement is that powerful men should not harass, intimidate, exploit or assault anyone, and if they do they will be publicly shamed.

That’s something all good men and women are celebrating together.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Please let’s not sully it with undergraduate hysteria.