Louise Roberts: Dating apps and feminism are creating a toxic minefield for men
Dating apps create a situation where everyone thinks there is something better around the corner. Add to this feminism, that stamps out gentlemanly courtesies and we are in a lot of trouble, writes Louise Roberts.
Feminists have killed romance and young women are paying the price for this.
The trickle down effect of overzealous consent courses, a misandrist narrative increasingly fed to little girls and young men being punished for their apparent male privilege means we are well and truly circling the drain.
Gender equality at all costs has driven a spike in clinical swipe and dump dating apps. And so what does that mean for love, intimacy and true companionship in life?
By association this equality mantra has chipped away at some of the most delightful and formative experiences particularly in a young person’s life.
That first look, first meeting, first kiss and first sexual experience all now homogenised not by common sense but common hysteria which insists women are victims and men are violent.
Male-female aggression is everywhere and must be fought, is the message from on high.
The traditional cultural notion of romance — the first date manners where a man pays for the woman’s meal and chivalrous behaviour like opening doors — has long been in the sights of critics scouring for sexism when there is none.
Incredibly, flowers and gifts are now seen as coming on too strong.
And so we have a situation, as The Daily Telegraph reported this week, where people announce their arrival by texting ‘here’ rather than approach a front door, knock and introduce themselves, in particular to other family members.
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The spectre of locking eyes across the room with someone to whom you’ve been magnetically drawn — the lust thunderbolt striking as you move towards each other — is being relegated to a midday movie script.
Rather than strike up a conversation and risk in person rejection, bars are aglow with people in phones lowering their dating app radius to 1km so they can swipe and find someone across the room. The same room. How’s that for organic chemistry?
Potential suitors are being ‘breadcrumbed’ — teased with mere crumbs of approval such as likes to keep them on the boil. Appalling but acceptable in sexual cyberspace when we knew as teens that to be a tease was nothing to aspire to.
“It’s quite bizarre that someone would rather swipe through their phone than walk over and say hello,” said Jodie Bache-McLean, MD of etiquette experts June Dally-Watkins in an interview.
“They are avoiding confrontation or rejection. Young people are not as resilient as they used to be 20 or 30 years ago.”
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Gee, isn’t that a familiar theme? And as a parent of a teenager dipping a toe in these PC infested dating waters, it’s depressing and worrying.
Modern feminists claim that their brand of gender equality — men being subservient to women — doesn’t skewer romance.
Through their prism, it creates the basis for healthier, more satisfying relationships. It has made women in particular more in control of their romantic destiny and safety.
Traditional dating norms “thwart women’s ability to express themselves, as it requires a relinquishing of control and agency” critics like UK Professor of Social Psychology Viren Swami argue.
But IRL (device speak for In Real Life), young people on the look for love need socialisation, they need interaction and they need to listen to their instincts and common sense rather than an algorithm.
Online apps to filter out potential suitors are as clinical as the act of surgically removing your beating heart.
Connections are what keep us breathing — food, shelter, water and relationships.
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Or as my friend who has spent months dating and analysing the results tells me: “Women are not weak and men are not evil but apps bring out the clichéd because of gender wars.
“Men are so scared of flirting because they are told it could be perceived as aggressive and uninvited. I’m not saying we should let men do what they want but no one learns how to deal with awkward situations any more.
“Their perception of success is totally skewed.
“You go out, you might meet people but no one looks at you, no one makes conversation. The only people who come over are the overconfident ones which can be a turn-off too.”
Who wants their son apologising for their existence or going on the defensive with soon-to-be girlfriends and expecting the worst?
But now as the mood develops, asking for or inviting a kiss is increasingly seen as aggressive.
Already I hear young males talking about “man compensation” which is remembering to walk ahead of women late at night to send a subliminal message — I’m just walking the same direction but I’m not looking to attack or kill you.
The dilemma of modern man if that you let the woman pay she thinks you are sexist but if you ask her to pay she becomes hostile.
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Dating apps create a situation where everyone thinks there is something better around the corner. Life is not like that. And if rejection happens, you learn to deal with it in real life, not with a swipe.
That, coupled with the handiwork of modern feminists declaring war on simple gentlemanly courtesies like giving up a seat, is why we are in real trouble.
I wonder if they ever consider the toxic ground work they are laying for future sons. And that is the real crime here, not traditional romance.
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