Ladies, we’ve lost sight of the equality worth fighting for
The so-called “Motherhood Penalty” that feminists are spouting only takes away a fundamental truth of what it is to be a woman. Why can’t we just support each other in all we do, asks Louise Roberts.
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The most puzzling thing about motherhood is not the lottery of fertility.
No, instead it’s the ever-louder drumbeat that suggests having and raising a child is a job, a chore and a burden that prevents women from being their true, happy and productive selves.
It’s called the “Motherhood Penalty”, and it is the unwelcome guest at the family event, bringing with it the whiff of suffering and inequality like a festive ham that has gone off.
Not that it’s very 2020 to say that of course.
We’re just days in and already the new decade is being shaped as the decade when women’s’ rights really come into their own.
Bold, accountable commitments are forthcoming, we’re assured, as is action to mark the 25th anniversary of an agreement at the Fourth World Conference on Women in Beijing to end gender inequality.
And the quaint notion that being happy as a mum and focusing on the blessing of having sons and daughter is, well, naive at best.
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But here’s a novel idea: how about making 2020 the year of the family?
In days leading up to December 25 (surely the original Mother’s Day), UN Women, a kind of social media feminist movement, thought it would be rather jolly to back the Motherhood Penalty.
They even took to Twitter to imagine a citation for this penalty being handed out by an officer P. Atriarchy (get it?).
The violation is “being a mother” and the penalty is thus: More unpaid and domestic work, irregular (paid) work, reduce employment, limited maternity benefits, gender-based occupational segregation, gender pay gaps and higher rate of poverty in older age.
Motherhood, to hear the UN tell it, is not a gift and a biological privilege but a sanction.
And we have made it the most polarising “job”, a precious vocation crippled by suffocating judgment, hatred and bewilderment.
Motherhood Penalty is originally a term sociologists cooked up to explain why working mothers are considered less competent because the overarching assumption is that they cannot do a job to the level of man or childless woman.
Kids get in the way and all that.
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Of course the facts on pay gap are largely irrelevant, like the training and educational differences which determine the salary and opportunity for those with kids and those without.
The view is that traditional expectations of motherhood are used to judge women but it is worth considering the historical timeline on this mum hate because it comes from both sides of the political spectrum.
A century ago the Soviets hoped to break up family units because they stood in the way of their bloody effort to remake humanity.
Later, in the bra-burning ‘60s, the feminist wave argued that traditional suburban ideals prevented the liberation of women.
Getting pregnant, giving birth and raising a family was a patriarchal plot to keep us subjugated (and, oh yeah, keep humanity going).
On to the ‘80s there was an economically rational power suit movement from the right which suggested being a stay at home mum meant you had “given up on your dreams”.
Thus we are left with a weird mash of left and right doctrines, both attacking motherhood, which is now considered little more than an impediment to productivity and personal fulfilment.
As a mum, you are forecast to be paid less for each child you have but fathers get paid more because fatherhood is a “signal to potential employers for greater maturity, commitment or stability” as far as men are concerned or so the argument goes.
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But as a 30-something woman with no plans to have children, your employer may think you do and penalise your accordingly.
Sure, be liberated out of the home but you’ll be crippled by baby tax, those massive child care fees you work around the clock to pay.
Mention you are a mum in the hiring process then you may suffer from status-based discrimination.
And on it goes. So much for the comfort of family.
A lot of women like being stay at home mum. A lot of women, myself included, believe that being a mum is a beautiful privilege
Life choices do have consequences and so a lot of women are perfectly content not having kids.
Why do we have to be defined as women by our decisions to remain childless or have a whole tribe of kids?
Why do we have to be defined by our marital status? Because from where I sit most of the noise is coming from other women, not men.
Why can’t we support our sisters in all they do?
My close friends don’t always make the life choices or decisions I would make but that doesn’t make them wrong.
And as they are my friends, isn’t it more important to love and support unconditionally than pass judgment based on my own opinions or ignorance.
Women fought for equal rights on the premise that they were just as capable as men. Both genders would agree that in principal this is true.
But equality between genders cannot be black and white – there have to be grey areas dictated by basic things like physical differences between men and women. “Just as capable” should not be taken literally of course.
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It’s more the spirit of the statement – an acknowledgment of the skills each gender brings to the table of life. We both have our roles to play – roles that are often influenced by our gender pathology.
Family and particularly motherhood is the bedrock.
We all began there so weaponising the role of mums is never going to lead to a productive outcome.
So I await the next social media campaign of 2020 #familyrules.
@whatlouthinks