Kerry Parnell: Forget FOMO, I’m all about JOMO
New Year’s Eve is one night where you’re expected to have a glamorous Insta-worthy evening. But what if you don’t want to – and never did, asks Kerry Parnell.
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As New Year’s Eve looms, we once more face the ultimate night of “forced fun” – the one evening in the year when you feel obliged to stay up until midnight drinking prosecco, whoop when the clock strikes 12, sing a Scottish ditty and kiss the nearest reveller.
But what if you don’t want to – and never did? I’ll admit I’ve had some fabulous New Year’s Eves, but on balance, I’ve probably endured more dud ones.
As soon as I had children I had a legitimate out. I could be done and dusted by 9.30pm and flat out through the remaining fireworks. Bliss.
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FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is a modern malaise exacerbated by Facebook fakery and phony Instagram feeds purporting to show everyone else in the world having a wonderful time, while you are the only loser on the sofa in your slippers.
It’s all tosh of course, which is why you should discover your JOMO instead. JOMO, or Joy Of Missing Out, is where you delight in the fact you don’t have to spend hours working out to perfect a yoga pose in your pants for your 45,000 followers; where you relish the knowledge you didn’t have to get all togged up to go to that party. You don’t have to do anything at all, because you choose not to.
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To be honest, I did decades of partying but even at my peak I was never committed. I was always tired at midnight, even aged 18, secretly relieved if someone cancelled at the last minute and I could put on my dressing gown and watch a movie. I suppose I was a young fogey; by the time I became an old one, I was an expert.
But it’s not just me being bah humbug – we all go from FOMO to JOMO as we age, according to the experts.
“When we are younger we are trying to discover who we are and how we fit in the world. We experiment with many individuals and groups of people. As we get older, we tend to make time for those who matter and decide that self-nurturing takes priority over parties,” says clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack.
There is often nothing more isolating than being in a large group and making small-talk – something I feel more than ever as I age. “Even when we attend large social functions, we can still feel isolated and lonely, as having people around or chatting about superfluous matters does not satisfy our connection requirements,” says psychotherapist Dr Karen Phillip.
But now there’s a whole movement embracing JOMO, where instead of focusing on what you are not doing, you celebrate what you are – even if it’s watching Frozen for the 89th time with your kids. #blessed.
“Gratitude is the ultimate mood alchemist. We can tap into it by anchoring the mind on what’s going well,” says psychologist Suzy Reading, who even offers a Count Your Blessings program on mindfulness website ThinkWell-LiveWell.
OK then here goes – number one, I don’t have to go out on New Year’s Eve. The end. Yep, I reckon that’ll keep my gratitude-ometer fuelled up for another 12 months.
Happy Humbug New Year!