Kerry Parnell: Royal headlines I’d like to see in 2020
For royal watchers, 2019 has been better than any soap opera. But that doesn’t mean next year’s headlines won’t also be just as dramatic, writes Kerry Parnell.
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It was their second annus horribilis – the year some of the Royal family made an arse of themselves.
From Prince Harry’s petulant outbursts and woke backlash – lecturing the world on eco-travel while nipping off in a private jet for a mini-break didn’t wash with the public – to revelations about Prince Andrew’s murky past, 2019 was a year the Windsors will be glad to wave off.
But for royal watchers, it’s better than any soap opera and here’s hoping for another cracking 12 months of HRH headlines you couldn’t make up.
So I’ve done just that and put together a Windsor Wishlist:
“Princess Beatrice elopes to Vegas and is married by Elvis”
Poor Beatrice, she watched Eugenie enjoy a proper princess wedding with carriage ride, castle and all, then when it comes to her turn everyone hates her dad and the last thing she’ll be able to do is parade through the streets of Windsor in a Disney dress waving to the “adoring” crowds. No, I suspect the wedding planner has fed all their notes into the shredder and turned to Emergency Plan B: “What to do when the father of the bride disgraces himself.” Step one, ask Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.
MORE FROM KERRY PARNELL: Brace yourself, Bondi. The Brits are coming.
So instead, I’m hoping she goes all out and does it her way, heading to the nerve centre of nuptials, the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas. Hey, if it’s good enough for Hollywood royalty like Paul Newman, Judy Garland, Joan Collins and Britney, it’s good enough for real ones.
“Meghan does a good thing”
Imagine if Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attended an event and made a nice speech, wore a nice dress and did a nice job. There were no reports of her breaking protocol for crossing her legs, wearing the wrong tights, or thinking the wrong thoughts; rather she went about her business without someone snitching and promoted a charity or organisation without being accused of virtue-signalling. Gosh, it would almost be like she was, oh, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.
“Prince Harry travels to Botswana by bicycle”
It’s not so crazy – remember those German influencers Cat and Elena who crowdfunded to cycle to Africa at our expense because working wasn’t their thing and we could all benefit from seeing their inspiring Instagram posts? They’ve made it to Spain so far. Well Hazza could put all that private jet nonsense behind him and outdo the begpackers by pedalling to his next charity appointment in Botswana. Cheerio!
“Prince Andrew stays at home and watches TV”
It’s best for everyone.
“Princess Anne launches giant hair tutorials on YouTube”
Oh Anne, that hardworking, no-nonsense thrifty princess we all forgot about. Turns out she was a bit of a hottie in her youth (watch season three of The Crown for timely reminders) and has kept herself shipshape right up to age 69. She can – and often does – wear an outfit from 1989, making her an early-adopter of the “shop your wardrobe” eco principals, way before the rest of us even knew it was a thing.
READ MORE: Shunning a royal Christmas was Harry and Meghan’s best move
Anne also rocks a boulder-like bouffant that like her spirit, is immovable. So surely the natural next step is for her to share her fashion and beauty tips as a Royal Style Influencer. It’s got my seal of approval anyway.