Helping your child thrive is easier than you think

The simplest way to improve your child’s vocabulary, eating habits, school results, and even their overall wellbeing isn’t as hard — or as time consuming — as many parents might think, writes Dr Judith Locke.

Want to know one of the easiest ways to improve your child’s vocabulary, conversational skills, eating habits, school results, and even their wellbeing?

It’s not enrolling them in some fancy after-school activity, or even getting them into some expensive tutoring program.

No, the simplest way to improve these things and more involves just three steps — make or buy a meal, eat it together at a dinner table, repeat regularly.

A reader sent in a question recently about ideal dinner table etiquette, and, given the fact that eating family meals together is one of the simplest ways to help families thrive, I thought it an excellent opportunity to talk about how to use mealtimes for the benefit of everyone.

MORE FROM DR LOCKE: Parents, you’re in charge. Make sure your kids know it

Here’s some suggestions:

Involve your children

Children of all ages can be involved in the preparation and clean-up of a family meal. Toddlers can help set the table; primary school-aged children can help with cutting up the vegetables or packing the dishwasher.

Teens can cook a few meals every week and everyone can help in some way with the supermarket — be it counting out the oranges or going to get bread while you get the milk.

Having children engage in the cooking process is a great opportunity for them to learn and for you to spend time together. Picture: iStock

Teach dinner table etiquette

Ensure your child feels comfortable at any table — be it Red Rooster or the Ritz. Teach them proper etiquette such as waiting until everyone has their meal before you start eating, using a napkin properly, and knowing the right way to place utensils. Parents enforcing dinner rules including sitting properly on chairs and not getting up until everyone has finished their meal will help guide children to behave more appropriately during the meal.

MORE FROM DR LOCKE: What to say to your adult child who still lives with you

No TV, phones or books at the table

The purpose of sitting together is in shared conversation, and if you are watching TV or scrolling through your phone, then you are not conversing.

Indeed, research shows that your child gains more vocabulary improvement from shared conversation than reading.

So, insist that there is no technology or reading books allowed at the table during meals.

It’s important that parents be present with their kids at the dinner table. Picture: iStock

Try to have the right atmosphere

The benefits of shared meals depend on a warm and loving presence at the table. Now is not the time to have that disagreement with your partner about finances or berate your child about unfinished yard chores. Even if you have a disagreement on a conversational topic, try to present civilised debate, listen to each other’s views, and don’t allow anyone to dominate the discussion — be it adults or children.

MORE FROM DR LOCKE: Kids need to fail. And parents need to let them

Discuss, don’t download your day

Family dinners should not be the time to complain excessively about your day. Keep the

conversation generally positive and mutually interesting. A great way to process the day is to ask each other what the best part of their day was.

Discuss things other than each other

When children become a little older, expand the topics to current events. Share opinions, take an interest in other people’s opinions, and healthy debate.

During family dinners try to have conversations about things outside of yourselves. Picture: iStock

It doesn’t have to be dinner

Got a fussy eater?

●Offer a range of foods with a variety of tastes and textures to your child in the early years, to ensure you don’t inadvertently narrow what they think is ‘normal’ food.

● Offer a new food in small amounts and somewhat frequently for them to slowly acquire a taste to it.

● Messy eating indicates enjoyment, don’t keep wiping them clean or you will be modelling an element of fussiness yourself.

● Watch the example you set. If you regularly declare the foods you don’t like, you encourage them to do the same.

● Don’t upgrade. Rejected broccoli should be replaced by carrots, not ice-cream.

Dr Locke did her PhD at Queensland University of Technology on the changes in parenting and is now a visiting Fellow at QUT doing ongoing research on modern parenting, child and parent wellbeing and school environments.

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