Coronavirus lockdown: How to productively work from home

The prospect of spending an unspecified amount of time at home while coronavirus rages may seem daunting, but as any freelancer will tell you, it can work brilliantly, writes Angela Mollard.

Every mother I know has had the “hospital fantasy”.

You know what I’m talking about – a short-lived, pain-free affliction that causes no distress but requires a few days in hospital basically to put your feet up, read a magazine and say that, no, you can’t possibly help anyone or do anything because you are IN HOSPITAL.

Now that a version of that fantasy could become a reality with “self-isolation” set to be the greatest wellness trend of Autumn/Winter 2020 … oops, sorry, a necessary response to the coronavirus crisis, I’ve had friends secretly hoping they get a sniffle.

“Imagine what you could get done,” exclaimed one. “Bugger toilet paper, I’d get a delivery of face masks and body scrubs and spend two weeks sorting out my photos, Marie Kondo-ing my wardrobe and catching up on Netflix.”

Then, as an afterthought: “Plus I’d have to order in because I couldn’t possibly contaminate my family by cooking.”

Of course, this is a luxury open only to stay-at-home parents with relatives who can help out, or those who have sick leave entitlements and thus will get paid through their self-isolation.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will be working from home – he and his wife are self-isolating as she undergoes tests for the new coronavirus.

For the rest of us casual and contract workers the thought of not being able to work – and, consequently, not being paid – is terrifying which is clearly why one man with coronavirus ignored instructions to self-isolate pending his test results.

In any case, I welcome office workers having to self-isolate and work from home because most of them think it’s a doddle. Plenty of my office-bound mates believe my “working from home” status basically involves sending the occasional email in between swims, coffee with friends and long naps. You can’t blame them – commuting, meetings, office politics and squabbles over fridge space tends to lead to that sort of stultifying and unoriginal thinking.

Anyway, having spent 22 years working from home I’m well-equipped to advise on how you can be most productive should you find yourself coughing and banished from the office. Obviously tailor my tips according to whether you: a) have been diagnosed with COVID-19; b) are suffering from seasonal allergies; or c) are finally realising your hospital fantasy under the guise of spurious coronavirus-like symptoms.

Do not lie down on your bed

Obviously, this is acceptable if you fall into category A like Tom Hanks but is fatal (though not in a death sense) if you actually want to be productive. In more than two decades of working from home I have taken to my bed only twice and even then I felt guilty. If you need a break lie on the carpet and meditate.

Ivanka Trump has announced plans to work from home following a meeting with Peter Dutton, who has tested positive to coronavirus. Picture: AP/Jose Luis Magana

Wear whatever you like

I know home workers who dress as if they’re going to the office to “get in the headspace” but I wear anything from pyjamas to a bikini. If your job involves regular Skype calls you might want to check for nudity or hide your cross-dressing habit but the true joy of this sort of work is the freedom which comes from not caring. But spare a thought for couriers.

Create a dedicated work space

Your kids’ Lego table, the kitchen bench or your dressing table won’t work unless your intention is to complete the millennium falcon, dust your cutlery drawer or colour-code your lipsticks. Light a candle on your desk because you can.

Go for a walk

While offices provide creative breaks in the form of gossip, meetings and a stroll to the cafeteria, working from home requires physically removing yourself from your desk. I regularly refresh with a five-minute walk though this clearly breaches the terms of self-isolation. If you’re desperate, I suppose you could put your head out the window but you’ll need to refrain from exhaling.

Do not do housework

I have a rule that I can’t do housework unless it’s a task that can be achieved in the time it takes for the kettle to boil. I’ll combine making a cup of tea with hanging out the washing or taking out the rubbish. Everything else has to wait until I’ve finished the tasks I’ve set myself for the day.

Stay away from The Bold and The Beautiful.

Keep your stationery stocked

Once, driving to interview the delightful Sylvia Jeffreys at Channel 9, I realised I didn’t have a notebook and had to bludge one off the network’s publicist. Incidentally, I have an excellent collection of hotel pens.

Do not watch The Bold and the Beautiful

You’re not missing anything except Brooke and Ridge marrying for the 74298618th time.

Self-care is essential

The pay-off for foregoing the office Christmas party, Friday arvo drinks and chocolate mud cake whenever anyone has a birthday, is being able to slap on a face mask whenever you please. Ditto a quick manicure during a particularly dull conference call, or researching holidays to the Maldives while you’re waiting for an email.

Avoid the fridge

Opening it will not offer inspiration, only the means to get fat. Ban biscuits.

Don’t answer the home phone

Only your parents, a scammer, your bank or someone trying to sell you solar panels or whiplash compensation has your home number these days.

Never call your colleagues from the beach, a lunch, your car or the supermarket

You want them to think you are permanently chained to your desk and are on the verge of burnout. Which you would be, if you weren’t fighting off coronavirus.