Ask Val: Vent to each other, not on social media, or risk ruining your case.

Ask Val: My friend is venting about her upcoming divorce on Facebook, but she doesn’t know her posts may affect the court outcome. What should I do?

Divorce venting should be kept offline.

Dear Val,

My friend is getting divorced. She has been married for more than 30 years and it’s messy. Unfortunately, Facebook has become an extension of their lawyers’ offices and they are airing all their grievances with each other for everyone to read. House, money, pets, the lot. I’m concerned this will go against her when it gets to court. Should I advise her to stop sharing so much? Or should I just ignore the posts and let them fight? Divorce dilemma, Cremorne.

Dear Divorce Dilemma,

Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A real tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage.

The truth is if your friend (and her ex) continue to air their grievances on social media for all the world to see, the lawyers will be the only ones who really win.

Her Facebook posts may affect the outcome of the divorce when the matter goes to court. The lawyers search social media accounts for evidence to argue in favour of their client.

As her friend, I don’t think you should walk away and let her fight it out.

Talk to your friend. She needs your support and friendship more than anything else.

Tell her that you are there for her, be a good listener. No matter how messy the divorce is, it will naturally evoke feelings of loss. Invite her to join you on a walk or trip to the gym or just for a coffee and subtly point out that the more he says on Facebook the better for her case, and that she can vent with you rather than online.

Val Edwards suggests venting about divorce is best done to friends, not on social media.

Perhaps encourage her to seek professional assistance to utilise the benefit of counselling. If you feel that you will struggle to get your point across to her, or you are worried you might be accused of buying into the civil war between the two of them, then a counsellor can make these comments with objectivity. No counsellor will encourage her to slug it out on social media.

As she is a close friend, you should watch her for signs of excessive stress. Stress is inevitable and needs to be managed. The transition out of a long marriage can be “chronic” and anxiety levels can shoot sky high. Management of both stress and anxiety are important as they are significant contributors to serious health problems. She will need to have a thick skin and a good friend.

This time is likely to be incredibly hard for her. Be a pillar of strength for your friend, remember helping one person might not change the whole world, but it could change the world for that one person.

Val Edwards is owner of sydneymodelagency.com.au
and sydneyetiquettecollege.com.au