Single in Sydney: Sarah has a crack at blokes over made up job titles for internet dating

THIS week Sarah discusses all the bogus jobs blokes have on their internet dating profiles — from foot model at Ugg to disposable pen repairman. And they wonder why they are single.

Journalist Swain at Manly with melting ice cream cones. It’s probably a metaphor or something. Who knows in this topsy-turvy world now. Or, she maybe just does not eat ice cream very quickly. Picture: Annika Enderborg

• Sarah gets bad, bad news
• Sarah and the other blonde Sarah

JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember. That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every week.

WHAT ANNOYS ME MOST ABOUT INTERNET DATING

I’m not being a jobsworth. And we all like to have a laugh.

But if you’re serious about finding love, dating apps aren’t great places for jokes.

Yes we all want to show our personality — and a witty bio can work wonders.

But forget photos where your face is hidden by sunglasses and photos where you have to figure out which the guy is amid a crowd of 34 people, the thing I can’t stand the most is guys making up stupid jobs.

You can just imagine them sitting there thinking how awfully hilarious all the women will think they are.

But I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t work for me. Especially when coupled with a gormless photo and no bio.

It’s not because it matters what job you do — despite my colleagues laughing it’s because I don’t know how much they earn, it's not.

Sarah likes a man who will empty her bins, if you know what we mean. Correct, it doesn’t mean anything..

I wouldn’t care if they were a garbage man (I found one of those on Bumble this week too- unless that was a joke too) just as long as they did something.

But I’m probably not going to give these jokers the chance.

Here are my favourite turn-off jobs I’ve spotted online, from the stupid to the bizarre and the downright horrible.

THE OFFICIAL LIST OF STUPID JOBS

Ugg boots are a good place to store your eastern brown snakes to keep them warm. Picture: Facebook

1. Foot model at Ugg.

2. Disposable pen repairman at Active Pens (the guy also went to the ‘Jedi Academy’).

3. Stuntman. A very popular career on apps such as Happn. I’ve counted close to a dozen recently. Though, I did meet a real stuntman at the Manly Skiff Club when I was with my mum over Christmas. He came over and asked me out for dinner, and gave me his card (he really was a stuntman — I looked at his website) but he was a little too old and in my face — quite literally. I kept having to take a step back as he loomed towards me.

A loose unit instructing a horse on correct breathing technique in yoga - “Exhale as you stretch out”. What could possibly go wrong? Yoga, meet Danger. Picture: YouTube

4. Yoga instructor. Great if he was. He didn’t look like one. I asked. He wasn’t.

5. Chief choking officer. It was vile — and accompanied by a pic of a man in a jacuzzi, smoking.

Training a dolphin to jump over a rainbow or something. Blah. Also an example of a very, very lame tattoo.

6. Dolphin trainer. Helpfully it said in his bio, “I like pizza.”

Training hippos to eat snack-sized mini hippos. Picture: AFP Photo/Taronga Zoo

7. Hippo trainer.

He successful trained a pug to not be able to breath properly. Or that might be to do with its squished up face. Picture: Matt Cardy/Getty Images

8. Pug trainer.

9. Astronaut at NASA USA.

10. Aidan from Sex and the City, which was accompanied by a photo of said TV character.

Random picture of a monkey eating a banana with an umbrella, sitting on a shetland pony in the rain. Very avant-garde.

11. Pastor. Nice, but I think unlikely judging by the pic of him sitting on a shetland pony with a beer in his hand.

12. Toll booth operator at Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was imaginative at least.

13. Little mayor junior to the mayor of Bondi. What?

14 Superhero at Sydney Australia.

Chimpanzees wranglers taught these ones how to be Mosman house wives.

15 Chimpanzee wrangler. And he’d spelled Chimpanzee wrong.

16. Being famous.

We think this bloke’s famous. From Neighbours probably. Name escapes us just now. Is it Toady? Picture: Jonathan Ng

17. ‘Which one would you pick’ at Google — accompanied by a picture of some cakes.

18. Adult site babysitter.

19. Consulting criminal at 221B (Sherlock fan?).

20. ??? at life.

It turns out he was a television personality. But unfortunately it was Cookie from A Country Practice.

21. TV personality. I very much doubt it.

22. The Derek Zoolander Centre for Kids Who Can’t Read. Except that’s too long so it cut of at ‘can’t’. This is the second most popular workplace on Happn after stuntman.

23. Supermodel at IMG Models. Erm, no likely, love.

24. Elite four champion at Pokemon league.

Ronald McDonald, the red headed Lothario, has been a playboy for too long. And has now taken to internet dating to find a nice lady to settle down and make soft serves with. Hubba, hubba. Picture: Jonathan Ng

25. Soft serve assistant at McDonalds. It was accompanied by a photo of him wearing a dog collar and a bio saying: ‘I am not a doctor.’

26. IT at ‘Have you tried to turn it off and on again’. I actually like this one, and if I ever start an IT company, I’m going to use this name.