South coast man ‘humiliated, degraded’ cancer-surviving wife

A court has heard the shocking crimes of a South Coast man who repeatedly raped his wife and treated her like an “object for sexual gratification”. WARNING: Graphic Content

Wollongong District Court heard about the shocking crimes perpetratored by a South Coast man against his cancer-surviving wife.

A courageous cancer survivor has delivered a powerful victim impact statement in front of her monstrous ex-husband who abused her and treated her like an “object for sexual gratification”.

The middle-aged rapist, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, wailed, gestured and tried to leave the AVL suite twice during his 90-minute sentencing in Wollongong District Court on Thursday after previously pleading guilty to three counts of sexual intercourse without consent, choking, and possessing child abuse material.

The court heard the victim and the man had known each other since they were young.

The woman received a life-threatening cancer diagnosis which required extensive and intensive treatment and at around this point, the “loving relationship” plunged into a “nightmare”.

The court heard the man had previously been convicted of a domestic violence offence against the woman when, in late 2015, he grabbed her, pinned her against the wall and smashed a glass near her.

Judge Andrew Haesler said “court intervention did not prevent further offending” before outlining the vile trail of ”selfish, humiliating and degrading” crimes.

Prior to the offence the man was previously convicted for, the couple were having consensual sex before the woman said he was “too rough” and ”hurting” her.

The man “humiliated and degraded” the woman.

However, due to her cancer treatment she didn't have the strength to push the man away with the now non-consensual sex lasting 10 minutes – the man finishing with “I just had to”.

In 2017, the man grabbed her and tried to make her have sex with him and despite her pleas of “please don‘t, I don’t want to do this”, he ignored her and forced himself inside of her with the victim only managing to break free after digging her nails into his back.

“What do you want me to do,” the man said.

“I am sick of being rejected by you, I have to force myself onto you.”

The court heard of another occasion where the woman woke up to the man‘s penis dangling in front of her face before he forced it into her mouth.

She gagged and bit down before he yelled “You b---h, you f---king b---h”.

She later saw a photograph on his phone taken with his penis near her face.

In the second half of 2019, there were two incidents including one where he grabbed her around the throat and another where he pushed her onto a couch and said “it‘s always going to be your way” before shaking her.

The court also heard of incidents where the woman was looking at the man‘s phone before he jumped out of bed and tackled her and later threatened to kill her by putting a funnel-web spider in her bed.

In early 2021, the man entered the bedroom after the woman had just had a shower and pushed her onto the bed before prying her legs open with his knee while saying “What is your problem, you‘re still my wife”.

During the police investigation, police uncovered a message from the man to a relative of the victim which said “I know mate, I‘m so ashamed”.

Along with that, police seized mobile phones, USBs and DVDs containing 30 items of child abuse material – both real and animated – as well as a files on a Samsung smartphone titled “Lola” (a reference to ”Lolita”) and ”Pedo training”.

The court heard the man raped his wife on three occasions.

Other non-child porn files were also located on the devices.

In court on Thursday, the victim described the marriage as becoming an “ordeal” and a ”nightmare”, adding her statement was ”the closing of a door she no longer wants to acknowledge”.

“[After I was diagnosed with cancer] I was made to feel defective,” she said.

“I was made to feel dependent on fulfilling someone‘s sexual wants … to fell useful only for sexual gratification”.

“I have struggled to accept that my feelings are real and that they are valid. I flinch when anyone goes to touch me and being intimate with anyone makes me nauseous.

“I feel shame, shame for crimes I did not commit. I am fearful of love, I don‘t feel I am worthy of love.”

Judge Haesler said the rapist “ignored” his wife‘s ”struggles” and inflicted ”levels of pain, humiliation and degradation”.

The man was sentenced in Wollongong District Court on Thursday.

“Men cannot behave like this offender did,” the judge scorned.

“[The woman‘s statement] had an impact on everyone in this court.

“He put his own sexual needs before the personal health needs of his wife … the wrecking ball was this offender.”

Judge Haesler sentenced the man to eight-years jail with a five-year non-parole period.

With time already served, the man, who the court heard was diagnosed with a bowel disease called ulcerative colitis which meant he “had to always be close to a toilet” and could ”have no confidence when passing wind”, could be eligible for parole in April, 2027.