Use the forks, Luke: It’s the only way to eat Baby Yoda
Baby Yoda is going to be a cereal, which could well set new standards for weirdness as you chew down on his head while watching him in action.
Opinion
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You must use the forks, Luke. Obviously this is not going to be the advertising slogan for the new Baby Yoda cereal — but it should be.
Yes, Baby Yoda, the adorable breakout star of Disney’s The Mandalorian — and perhaps the last hope of a once-great franchise — will be made into a cereal.
Naturally this will be an American cereal, which means it will be about as healthy as chewing on lumps of salt slathered in sugar syrup. You’d get more nutritional value out of Donald Trump’s hairpiece.
You see, ironically for a character who spent the series drinking bone broth and eating healthy (if disgusting) meals of fresh frogs, it’s a bowl full of sugary puffs and green marshmallows shaped like his head.
Now, isn’t that a truly delicious way to celebrate a TV series you enjoyed?
It’s like a metaphor for the Star Wars universe. The initial sugar hit was addictive but then fans started to feel a bit sick and finally most of them got the shits.
I find it hard to imagine wanting to eat your favourite characters from a television series. From a practical standpoint, laws against cannibalism do make it a little more tricky with humans.
Yet even if they were also made into cereal, would anyone want to eat them? Not that these class as my favourite TV shows but I
can see all sorts of health warnings around a Kardashians cereal (contains silicone and plastic) and a Married At First Sight cereal (lots of artificial colours and traces of batshit).
Plus, what would it look like? Would you open a packet of Kardashian cereal and one giant corn puff shaped like a buttock drops out?
It makes me worry for Baby Yoda. Disney, known as the masters of merchandise, slipped up badly by not having anything Baby Yoda related ready to go.
Even now, many official Baby Yoda toys are only on pre-order and the COVID-19 pandemic has put even longer delays on some lines.
The cereal makes me think that Disney is going to overcompensate and soon there will be more Baby Yoda stuff than you can poke a lightsaber at.
It ties in with another worrying message about Baby Yoda from Disney chairman Bob Iger, who said the little green chap reminds him of Leonardo DiCaprio.
I’m sure he didn’t mean in a Wolf Of Wall Street, snorting drugs and screwing hookers way.
No, it was a comparison to the impact DiCaprio made on 1990s sitcom Growing Pains, which became his springboard to much bigger things.
Yet we all know the career path of DiCaprio. Adorable child star, handsome leading man, to slightly podgy middle-aged dude who likes to go out with models young enough to be his daughter.
Will this be the trajectory for Baby Yoda? Will he burst onto the big screen and then dissolve into a haze of drugs and Victoria’s Secret models?
Particularly as I fear this cereal is just the tip of the merchandising iceberg — and we all know what happened to poor Leonardo when the Titanic ran into an iceberg.