David Beckham should just get his tackle out, not tackle Harry Potter

It’s a great idea to get celebrities to read Harry Potter aloud. But why did they turn to David Beckham? Were Jar Jar Binks and Cletus The Slack-Jawed Yokel booked out?

I love that celebrities are taking turns to read Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone aloud for fans to enjoy. Even though America still struggles with the idea of the legendary “Philosopher’s Stone” and insists on calling it a “Sorcerer’s Stone” instead.

Obviously there are parts of the USA where philosophy is all Greek to them.

Anyway, it’s a great idea to kick off with Harry Potter himself, Daniel Radcliffe, and follow with the likes of Stephen Fry and Noma Dumezweni, who played Hermione in Harry Potter And The Cursed Child.

But, I’ve got to ask, who invited David Beckham to read a chapter?

The man looks like a Greek god but sounds like a Punch And Judy puppet.

David Beckham shows his underwear again for H&M. Picture: David Beckham Facebook

I just hope they’ve given him the shortest chapter. Beckham is to reading aloud what his excessively skinny wife Victoria is to opera singing.

Sure, they can do it, but do you really want to hear the result? Of course, she’d never do opera — you’d never see her on stage behind all those big-bosomed Brunhildas. And one of them would probably mistake her for a toothpick.

So why Beckham? While he is a “big name”, it’s not like the Harry Potter series is suffering from a publicity problem.

However, the Beckhams are and, call me Mr Cynical Bastard if you must, but I suspect this might be part of their campaign to make themselves look better in the public eye.

Jar Jar Binks is apparently lined up to read a chapter in a later book.

Victoria was sprung trying to use government money to pay the employees of her fashion business, instead of the mega-rich Beckhams coughing up the cash themselves.

It’s not a good look, which coincidentally is how most fashion critics describe her clothing range.

I’m not sure why they needed to do this. It’s not like Victoria costs much to keep fed. One celery stick is a big dinner for her — sometimes she has to have the leftovers for breakfast.

Perhaps the people behind this idea plan to dub over Beckham’s voice. He introduces himself in his usual squeaky fashion, then cracks open the book and instantly his nasal whine is replaced by, say, Ian McKellen in full Gandalf mode.

Non-English-speaking countries of course have the best of it. They can find a suitably deep-voiced local to dub over the top, so you get the experience of someone who sounds like Beckham looks.

David Beckham is to reading aloud what his wife Victoria is to opera singing. Picture: Daniel Leal-Olivas/AFP

The question, of course, is where do the organisers go from here?

After all, there are another six books to go and they get progressively bigger and bigger. By Deathly Hallows, it is up to 37 chapters and they are going to start running out of celebrities.

My fear is, once they have let Beckham loose, the bar has been set pretty low in terms of what is acceptable.

If they are going to sign up vocally-challenged celebs with an image problem, I suspect we are going to hear the likes of Jar Jar Binks and Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel from The Simpsons getting a chapter each.

Although, come to think of it, I’d rather listen to Cletus doing his impression of Jar Jar — or the other way round — than David Beckham.