Never let your addiction make you break the rules of engagement

THERE are certain rules that you should always adhere to at a party: be polite, flatter the party host on her outfit and NEVER ask for something unless it has been offered.

THERE are certain rules that you should always adhere to at a party: be polite, flatter the party host on her outfit and NEVER ask for something unless it has been offered. Here’s the glitch; I was at a children’s party. While my youngest slept in the pram and my other two clutched white-knuckled at my dress while the more animal-friendly kids hovered around a baby crocodile (I kid you not), my look of relief when a beverage was offered to the parents was palpable.

“Tea, would anyone like a tea?” My head spun around to find the host.

“I would love a coffee,” I said, my hand in the air like a pre-schooler and my voice shrill with desperation.

Coffee, tea - don’t they go hand in hand?

Tea or coffee? Don’t these pick-me-ups go hand in hand, wasn’t that what she was going to offer next? The host looked at me and smiled, a little uncomfortably, now I think about it.

While the tea drinkers were soon with tea cup in hand, I was clasping my hand in anticipation. Taking a quick peak inside the kitchen, I could see a small ladder had been set up and there were no less than three helpers opening and closing cupboards.

“The coffee has to be here somewhere.”

At any point, I could have called a stop to this furious rummaging through the pantry. I had opened my mouth a couple of times to put an end to the search, and think I may have meekly offered, “Oh, don’t worry about it”.

Reaching behind staple items to the furthest point of the cupboard, they retrieved a jar of coffee. Like a child on Christmas morning, my eyes lit up. Anyone who says they feel revived and ready to face the day after drinking green tea is full of it. Either that, or they don’t have young children.

Instant coffee might sound revolting to coffee snobs, actually make that stale instant coffee, but what were my options?

My naively simple request for a cup of coffee had put a party on hold and now I was damn well going to drink the murky-looking concoction.

I oohed and aahed over the cup, gently blowing into it to cool it down and cupping it with both hands as if it were a rare delicacy (which, in this house, it actually was).

I didn’t really think of myself as a coffee-addict up until now, but I must confess I can’t remember the last day I went without one.

It’s become my go-to drink when I’m tired, stressed, happy or simply bored. Reading the paper without a coffee is not the done thing, and catching up with a girlfriend mid-morning over a juice is just plain ridiculous.

Bleary-eyed and waking up to kids trying to dismember each other or fighting over the remote control, my husband and I have made a habit of reaching for the coffee machine before either tries to shut down the disturbance.

Bad parenting, you say? I think not. Bad parenting would be trying to deal with them before a coffee hit.