Kerry Parnell: ‘Miserable’ Neighbours no loss for world’s top fan

Columnist Kerry Parnell’s dad is a massive fan of Neighbours but even he wasn’t surprised the soapie is getting the axed as the show was “getting so miserable”.

Just as we recover from the news Neighbours is facing the axe, comes the shocking revelation their number one fan in the world doesn’t care.

John Parnell has tuned in to Neighbours since 1986, when it first aired in the UK.

Every day, at lunchtime, my dad leaves his village in Lincolnshire, England and travels to Australia for half an hour.

For the past 36 years he’s slotted Ramsay Street into his schedule between his morning coffee (11am) and afternoon tea and biscuit (3pm).

John, 82, likes a routine — sometimes when I visit, I make a coffee at 10.23am just to see the tiny flicker of panic on his face. I’ve always been a loving daughter.

So, it was with some trepidation I called to see how he was faring with the news UK’s Channel 5 has pulled the plug on Neighbours. It means Fremantle now has to find another British channel to prop up its production, or face ending the soap within months.

“Neighbours will no longer air on Channel 5 beyond this summer. It’s been a much-loved part of our schedule for more than a decade, and we’d like to thank the cast, Fremantle and all of the production team for their fantastic work on this iconic series,” a Channel 5 spokesperson said.

John and Elaine Parnell on a visit to Ramsay Street.

A much-loved part of their schedule — what about my dad’s?

“I don’t care,” John said. Wait, what?

“It had to happen – it is getting so miserable,” he said.

“We need shows to cheer us up, with all that’s going on at the moment. There’s enough grief in the world.”

Is he tempted to take a detour to Summer Bay?

“No. People say I should watch Home And Away,” he said, “but that’s just as depressing.”

Reeling from the revelation John is going free-form for half an hour a day, perhaps if another channel does pick up the much-loved soap – after all, it still gets more than a million viewers in Britain – they could lighten it up a little.

Repeatedly knocking people off in plane crashes, explosions and tragic accidents, used to be a kind of escapism, where we could experience outlandish storylines from the safety of our sofa. Until the pandemic, that is, when now we need to escape the escapism.

Take poor old Toadie, who went from clown prince to king of tragedy. When he joined Neighbours in 1995, he was a comedy character who ended up a regular because he proved popular — so scriptwriters promptly made him suffer.

Neighbours stars (from left) Alan Fletcher, Jackie Woodburne, Stefan Dennis and Ryan Moloney celebrate the show's 35th anniversary in 2020. Picture: Channel 10

Not only can Toadie never find true love, every time he gets married, something terrible happens – instead of driving into the sky with his new wife Dee, Grease-style, they flew off a cliff and plunged into the ocean, where Dee’s body was swept away and she was presumed dead for years.

When he finally found happiness with Sonya, their wedding reception exploded (of course) and she lost her memory. She was then diagnosed with cancer and died in his arms on the beach. I’d say they were having a laugh, but it isn’t funny anymore.

If the soap does get a reprieve, take a tip from John – everybody needs good Neighbours, not dead ones.

7 life lessons the Queen can teach us

Forget Kim Kardashian posing in scarily-there bikini bottoms, or Rihanna’s baby bump, this week we bow down to the real Queen, who reaches 70 years on the throne.

The record-breaking monarch has a few things to teach us - not least, how to wear a hat.

Find a signature style and stick with it

If ever there was an example of why we all need a signature look, it’s the Queen, who has made the block-colour coat and hat combo her own and can rock a headscarf and tweed like nobody else. By doing this, she hasn’t had an off-day since the Great Floral Disaster of the early 1990s.

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II will celebrate 70 years on the throne. Picture: Victoria Jones/AFP

Never complain, never explain

Whatever the drama – and there has been plenty of it – the Queen has stuck to this mantra. Silence can be way more powerful than shouting and much more infuriating to the other person. If only I could remember this.

Have other interests

If I was a royal, I’d lie around in my tiara all day drinking martinis, which is pretty much what Princess Margaret did, but if you are after longevity, then the Queen is living proof you should also have a passion.

When she was younger she was disparaged by critics for “only knowing about horses,” but it turned out she knew an awful lot about horses and became one of the most successful racehorse owners in the world. She only stopped riding aged 95.

And no, Wordle doesn’t count as a hobby.

Queen Elizabeth continues to be a role model for millions of people. Picture: Paul Edwards/AFP

Buy well and wear forever

Despite having her face on bank notes, the Queen gets an average 25 years out of her dresses, according to her designer Angela Kelly and has her shoes and coats repaired rather than replaced. So, forget those fast-fashion frocks that fray after three weeks, we’re off to purchase some plaid — see you in 2047.

Work through grief

The Queen is not the retiring type – literally. She made a pledge on her 21st birthday that her “whole life whether it be long or short shall be devoted to your service” and stuck to it.

Obviously, nobody wants to work themselves into the grave, but keeping active as long as you can has to be good for your brain and body. She has also shown working through grief can help your mental-health and as such, was back to business post-Prince Philip’s funeral in days.

Ask your elders

The Queen has worked with everyone from Winston Churchill to Robert Menzies, Nelson Mandela to JFK. Is there anyone else in the world with so much ongoing experience? Will there ever be again?

In a time of increasingly short-term politics, here’s an idea – maybe we should actually ask our elders to share some of their wisdom, rather than make the same mistakes over and over. And talk to your gran about her life, before she’s gone.

Every family has problems

Finally, if nothing else, the Queen has shown us every single family in the world – even the ones with titles – has its problems, from dodgy relatives to disagreements. If your little princes aren’t currently making headlines for all the wrong reasons, then you rule.

Got a news or entertainment tip? Email [e-mail]