Kerry Parnell: Taylor Swift’s latest pop feud a missed opportunity

Pop stars insulting each other is always a joy to witness so Taylor Swift’s latest short-lived feud was a tad disappointing, Kerry Parnell writes.

If music be the feud of love, play on, as Shakespeare didn’t quite say.

Kind of like Damon Albarn, who will be wishing his comments about Taylor Swift this week were a Blur, after the predictable social media pile-on.

In an interview with the LA Times, the 53-year-old pop star stated Taylor didn’t write her own songs, saying, “co-writing is very different to writing,” and was promptly set upon by her 89.9 million Twitter followers.

Taylor, 32, tweeted: “I was such a big fan of yours until I saw this. I write ALL of my own songs. Your hot take is completely false and SO damaging. You don’t have to like my songs but it’s really f**ked up to try and discredit my writing. WOW.”

She added: “PS I wrote this tweet all by myself in case you were wondering.”

Damon, who has 336,500 followers, replied: “I totally agree with you. I had a conversation about songwriting and sadly it was reduced to clickbait. I apologise unreservedly and unconditionally. The last thing I would want to do is discredit your songwriting. I hope you understand.”

Taylor Swift hit back at Damon Albarn. Picture: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Damon Albarn quickly apologised. Picture: Ben A. Pruchnie/Getty

Disappointingly civil, if you ask me and a missed opportunity for a good old-fashioned music sledge.

Still, what joy to glimpse a rude feud again, even a short-lived one.

I thought the days of pop stars insulting each other was consigned to the past, for fear of careers being cancelled faster than Adele’s Vegas stage set.

Taylor should have just Shaken it Off and replied she could never beat the lyrical mastery of someone who penned, “Woo-hoo, I got my head checked by a jumbo jet”.

I love a rock ruckus: Albarn knows all about them, as he began his career as one half of the Blur vs Oasis Britpop war, which included the highlight of Oasis singing a cover of Blur’s Parklife at the 1996 Brit Awards, renaming it “Shitelife”.

This was before the Gallagher brothers started sledging each other in earnest. Liam called Noel “a prick,” and Noel has said of Liam, he is “the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup”.

Noel also labelled Robbie Williams “that fat dancer from Take That,” called Adele’s music “for grannies” and made the definitive statement, “I did drugs for 18 years and I never got that bad as to say, ‘You know what? I think the Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant’.”

Liam Gallagher (left) and his musician brother Noel stand in front of fellow members of band Oasis. Picture: Sony BMG

Artistic types used to hurl exquisite abuse at each other – such as Morrissey calling Robert Smith from The Cure “a fat clown in make-up, weeping over a guitar,” and Robert saying, “If Morrissey says not to eat meat, then I’m going to eat meat. That’s how much I hate Morrissey.”

Elton John described Keith Richards, “like a monkey with arthritis” and Madonna “a miserable cow,” for not performing at his bachelor party. Her spokesperson responded, “Madonna wishes Elton all the best, and hopes married life will make him a happier person.”

Delicious.

So, whilst Damon might think There’s No Other Way than to apologise for being a Charmless Man, he should beware – he’s gifted Taylor some great material for her next revenge song she may or may not write herself.

GIFS, emojis added to Gen Z’s cancelled list

It’s time to gif it up: sending GIFs is over, according to Gen Z.

You might have mistakenly thought you were down with the kids, but if you are a GIF-giver, then you are as out of style as someone who still sports skinny jeans. Ouch.

There’s been a culture war brewing between Gen Z and Millennials for some time and now the younger gen has trained a missile on the GIF.

Of course, you may not have seen this news, because the battlefield is located on TikTok, the platform of choice for Gen Z. In 30-second comedy dance form, presumably.

Millennials declared Facebook for boomers; Gen Z decreed Instagram for Millennials.

What does this meme for the rest of us? It’s good news for Elissa Slater at least, who will be relieved not to see herself spitting out Sprite from a coffee cup every time she logs on.

And don’t think you can resort to emojis instead. Many favourites like the laughing-crying emoji were finished off last year, when Gen Z revealed they no longer use it because their parents do.

Some emojis are being 'cancelled' by Gen Z.

They opt for emojis like the skull, as in, “I’m dying”, which they’re safe in the knowledge oldies won’t adopt, because it’s more likely to come true. The laughing-crying face is as passé as a side-parting.

Confused.com? Millennials thought there was nothing more boomeresque than parting your hair in the centre, so they did it on the side. Now Gen Z has decreed the side-part dated and the centre-part de-rigueur.

It even created a debate in Vogue. Which is good news for all of us who never stopped parting our hair in the middle, because we’re so old we’re in again.

Now sending GIFs is as old-fashioned as using your phone to actually call someone.

The eggplant emoji.

In the latest episode of And Just Like That, Carrie frightens her podcast buddy Jackie, by ringing his mobile.

“I’m just scared – the only person to call my phone and talk is my grandma and she died like five years ago,” he says.

After all, why talk when you can send 367 messages to establish the same thing? It’s enough to make you cry with laughter, except don’t even think about it.

Finally on emojis, this is a public announcement for anyone who still hasn’t realised the droplets don’t mean water and the v-sign has nothing to do with Winston Churchill.

And yes, this continues to be news to many.

Actor David Tennant regaled chat-show host Graham Norton and a gobsmacked Chris Hemsworth about how he only discovered what an eggplant emoji meant when he took an online training course for work. And he’s Doctor Who.

“I knew nothing about this,” he said.

“I thought the emojis represented what they represented.”

To which Norton replied: “I have no idea how this passed you by.”

So take heart — if the Time Lord didn’t clock it, then it’s not too late to get up to date.

Hint: if you are texting your kids if they want tacos, hot dogs or eggplant for dinner, just write it. And whatever you do, don’t ask if it’s OK …

Emily in Paris is just what we all need

Why do we find it so hard to praise happy TV? This week Netflix announced its smash-hit show Emily in Paris has been renewed for a further two seasons.

This was met with predictable derision on social media over the popular series starring Lily Collins as a young American marketing executive living it — yes — preposterously large, in the City of Love.

The show, which raked in 58 million viewers in its first month when it debuted in 2020, has proved divisive over its two seasons, as critics “hate-watched” it and pooh-poohed the light-hearted script as being unrealistic. Er, yes, it’s unrealistic, that’s the point.

Lily Collins in a scene from Emily in Paris, which has been renewed for two more seasons. Picture: Netflix

Who wants realism? I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough realism over the past two years and escaping for half an hour into a world of designer clothes, crispy croissants and an endless line of handsome men falling in love with our hapless heroine is exactly the kind of viewing I want right now. It’s the ultimate panacea to the pandemic and I am not masking my affection.

It’s chic, silly and self-deprecating and does not pretend to be anything other than the romantic romp it is, which many critics seem to miss.

When it debuted, The New Yorker famously ran a comment piece snottily labelling it “ambient TV”, the equivalent of elevator music, designed to run in the background whilst scrolling on your phone, or cooking dinner.

But slagging off something like Emily in Paris is like slagging off the Paddington movies for unrealistic representations of Peruvian bears. It’s just snobbery. It’s too easy to be critical of happy, light, content, dismissing it as fluff, or “silly women’s stuff”.

Lily Collins stars as Emily in the Netflix series. Picture: Megan Gray/Getty

I put it to you there’s more craft involved making something heart-warming and funny than there is knocking out another noir cop show where everything is shot in sludge brown, with a cliched plot about a dysfunctional, divorced detective with a drinking problem, who solves a grisly murder of a young girl.

Kate Winslet won a Golden Globe this week for just that, in Mare of Easttown. No offence to Kate, who did a good job, but why was Lily Collins derided when she was nominated for a Golden Globe for Emily, while Kate garnered reverent applause for Mare?

And is it any worse than some of the absolutely dire “crunchy-punching” TV shows and movies which seem to proliferate streaming services at the moment? This genre of “man TV” involves blokes repeatedly walloping each other, accompanied by a noise I can only think is the sound-effects man smashing a bag of Twisties.

I had the misfortune of watching one of these by mistake recently, called Avengement, with Nick Moran, which was effectively one long fight, where the only thing that alternated was the weaponry used. This classic of the genre enjoys the same approval-rating online as Emily in Paris.

That is about as far from ambient TV as you can get and I’d suggest all those biffos are much worse for you. At least the only pain in Emily in Paris comes from the boulangerie. And like chocolate croissants, it’s irresistible.