‘Kate doesn’t need this stress’: No royal exemption for Kate Middleton from ‘bad uncle’ Gary Goldsmith

We’ve all got a renegade relative. But is the Princess of Wales’ uncle Gary — who’s spilling royal beans on Celeb Big Brother — a liability, or a handy distraction from her whereabouts?

It’s either a masterful distraction, or a series of unfortunate events.

Either way, Lemony Snicket would approve of this week’s royal plot twist, as Catherine’s uncle Gary appeared on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK.

Yes, it’s not just the Markles harbouring renegade rellies who spill the royal beans on TV, the Middletons have their own bad uncle, or “buncle” as he calls himself.

Gary Goldsmith – brother of Carole Middleton – has been regaling his Big Brother housemates, including Sharon Osbourne (who won’t be getting Christmas cards from James Corden or Anna Wintour), Louis Walsh and assorted Z-listers, with stories about his royal relations.

Introducing himself as “the uncle to the future queen of our country, Catherine, the current Princess of Wales” and “a bit of a bad boy,” Gary, 58, had reportedly been “read the riot act” by Carole.

Princess Catherine's, left, and her uncle Gary Goldsmith, right, who opened up about his niece on Celebrity Big Brother. Pictures: Getty/Supplied

“It is infuriating for them. Kate doesn’t need this stress,” a source told The Sun newspaper.

Certainly, Gary doesn’t seem willing to gab too much, although he said Prince Harry, “threw his family under a bus”.

The irony of Mr Goldsmith also pitching his people under public transport, seems lost on him. However, the self-made-millionaire clearly isn’t in it for the money.

So why has he done it?

Four-times-married Gary, who was previously convicted of domestic assault, describes himself as like “a toddler on sugar”.

In other words, extremely annoying and uncontrollable.

However, as grating as he must be to Catherine, who he said is probably watching from “behind a sofa”, you could argue he’s also the ultimate deflection from what can only be described as collective online insanity over where the Princess of Wales is.

For those who don’t trawl social media (congratulations to you), there’s been an ongoing conspiracy #WhereIsKateMiddleton, with all kinds of preposterous theories about why she hasn’t been seen in public since Christmas – apart from the recent picture of her in a car.

The fact that she’s recovering from an operation, as Kensington Palace confirmed, is obviously too boring for people to believe.

Presumably punters, like a Game of Thrones’ baying mob, want to see her paraded in her dressing gown and surgical socks, for, well, who knows why.

When asked where she is, by a housemate, Gary answered, “She doesn’t want to talk about … the last thing I’m going to do is … there’s a kind of code of etiquette. If it’s announced, I’ll give you an opinion. I spoke to her mum, my sister, she’s getting the best care in the world.”

So, is Gary in the house because he’s a mischief-maker and the Middletons don’t have the power to stop him, or, is it some kind of black ops manoeuvre to take the heat off Kate? Those in the PR biz call this sort of thing a “covert distraction”.

OK, it’s unlikely – in my experience, the truth is always much more mundane than social media fiction – but, oh, I’d love it to be true.

Either way, there’s a new conspiracy theory for you.