Here’s to the cream of magnificent motherhood

It’s Mother’s Day this Sunday so don’t forget to celebrate the only person who has remained in your corner your entire miserable life. Here are David Elliot’s top seven examples of majestic motherhood - in ascending order!

(Clockwise from top left) Marge Simpson, Queen Victoria, Mother Teresa and Mary Wade have all made (inset) David Elliot’s top seven examples of magnificent motherhood.

It’s Mother’s Day this Sunday so don’t forget to celebrate the only person who has remained in your corner your entire miserable life. We’ve had some magnificent examples of motherhood over the years, and here’s my top seven in ascending order:

Nicole Elliott. At the risk of creating domestic disharmony I’ve put the first and current Mrs, oops, Lady Elliott at the bottom of our 2025 list but only because it’s still a work in progress. I mean, you wouldn’t have given Leonardo a ribbon before he’d finished the Mona Lisa would you?

I’ve seen this woman up to her elbows in dirty nappies in the morning only to come home at night and find her looking like she’d just walked off a photo shoot for Vogue Magazine.

Sure, she’s no green thumb, in fact she’s the only women I know who has killed a cactus and once she left our budgie out on the patio when we went away for a winter weekend causing it to freeze to death, but with our youngest child one month away from his final university exams think of it like childbirth, one big last push and the job’s done. Good cook too.

Queen Victoria. The ultimate working mum. Managed nine spawn while growing the family business to include more than a third of the world’s population.

The Canadian Indians called her the “Great White Mother” because, unlike the Americans, she offered significant protection to the indigenous population when other superpowers where acting, well, unmotherly.

Even though she was called the Mother of Europe because her offspring sat on nearly every throne at the turn of the last century she has lost points because three of her grandsons had an ego so big they forced the world into The Great War, killing 85 million people. We even named a state after her. It’s small, dark and cranky looking too.

She may have looked a little grim but Queen Victoria was “mother” to a third of the world’s population when the British Empire was in its pomp. Picture: Hulton Archive/Getty Images

Mary Wade. Convicted at 13 and transported to Australia on the Second Fleet, Mary is considered the mother of European Australia.

After getting her Ticket of Leave she became quite the entrepreneur and is celebrated for amassing a small fortune through farming and making furniture. I loved her story so much when I was Corrections Minister I named a prison after her.

Like Queen Victoria, whose grandson Kaiser Wilhem II had to abdicate the German throne, one of Mary’s 300 descendants was forced to abdicate the Australian throne, but his name was Rudd.

Mother Teresa. OK, so she’s not technically a “mum” but having married a woman who is chronically Catholic I’m kinda obliged to include Theresa of Calcutta. Let’s face it, any woman who wants to dedicate her life to providing hope and love to the world’s most neglected children deserves some sort of recognition. Even from a Liberal.

Mother Teresa is not technically a mum, but she mothered the world’s sick and poor while she was alive. Picture: AP Photo/file

Your Mum. Yes, YOUR mum! Think about all the times she picked your sorry beer sodden baggy ass up from the train station at three in the morning because you’d spent the taxi money she gave you drowning your sorrows after watching your team lose to Manly again.

She dedicated 20 odd years of her life to making sure you had clean underwear, a full belly and plenty of toilet paper.

Despite having good reason, and unlike your dad (whoever he is), she rarely raised a hand to you.

And don’t you dare buy her servo flowers again this year, save them for the missus. Call Mr Roses, the number is listed.

Marge Simpson. “Sense and Sensibility”. “Little Women”? Pff. When I think of the great women characters of western literature I can’t go past “The Simpsons”.

Married to an overweight bald dribbler with a dysfunctional son, Nicole, I mean Marge, never loses her dignified poise and just keeps batting on. She’s an inspiration to mums all over the world. I’m surprised she doesn’t have an advice column in The Telegraph.

Marge Simpson (left) is an inspiration to mums everywhere.

Yvonne Elliott. The original Lady Elliott. Having lost her own mother at 10 years old, my mum was brought up by her penniless Nanna in a two room rented apartment.

She hated racism and sectarianism but loved carnations, Paul McCartney and a cheeky afternoon Sherry.

In her late 40s mum fulfilled her lifelong ambition and enrolled in a Bachelor of Arts in languages at the University of Western Sydney, finishing her working life as a French tutor.

Although we didn’t have much, mum made sure I never felt neglected and she instilled in me a love of history and desire to serve the community. I lost her two years ago to dementia and miss her terribly so if I find out any of you haven’t spoilt mum this Sunday I’ll withdraw all your Sydney privileges, and don’t think I can’t because I appointed the Police Commissioner. Sell a kidney if you have to.

Ladies, Happy Mother’s Day!