Angela Mollard: Why I haven’t done these things since having children

To celebrate Mother’s Day, here are eight things Angela Mollard hasn’t enjoyed this century – or since having children.

Have you tried buying cottage cheese lately?

Like eggs, it’s all sold out. Because where once cottage cheese was roundly ignored unless heaped on a Cruskit and declared a “diet snack”, now it’s a superfood (11g of protein per 100g) and is being repurposed in pancakes, bread and baked into taco shells (surprisingly good).

I was moaning about the great cottage cheese shortage of 2025 to my daughter, pointing out that there are limited protein sources beyond fish, meat, eggs and yoghurt, particularly when one goes AWOL.

“Oh Mum,” she sighed, “there’s plenty of protein-rich foods in the supermarket. You just have to take time to do a leisure shop.”

A leisure shop? I haven’t “leisure shopped” since late 1999 when I fell pregnant with her. Whereas once I would amble the aisles, sniffing rockmelon, sampling a new lemon yoghurt and examining the ingredients in curry paste, I now shop as if I’m on SAS Australia. I charge through the aisles, repeat buying the same food as the week before, oblivious to the fact cream cheese now comes in a salted caramel flavour and tuna is garlic-infused, doused in sweet chilli or blended with caramelised onion which, frankly, sounds more ominous than
Bennifer 2.0.

This, of course, is completely her fault. And her sister’s. After their arrival in 2000 and 2003 respectively, I was constantly one wet wipe away from a breakdown. So to celebrate Mother’s Day, along with the “leisure shop”, here are seven other things I haven’t enjoyed this century.

The beach/pool relax

What do you mean a summer holiday is for relaxing?

In my 20s I would read, sleep or daydream, usually in a bikini with straps so complicated it took a degree in engineering to get it on. Now I only have to glimpse an oversized puddle and I’m on high alert even though my kids are fully grown. My beach time in recent decades has been 95 per cent lifeguard and 5 per cent shouting. All those years of dispensing SPF, carrying multiple towels and someone else’s dripping Paddle Pop means I have factory wiped my pre-child existence. What do you mean a summer holiday is for relaxing?

Flossing

I used to floss. Religiously and with a smug dedication that was rewarded when people asked if I’d had my teeth whitened (I hadn’t). Quarter of a century later I am still on the same roll of floss I bought in 2001. My dentist gently chides me every time I go for a clean but, fortunately, I can’t reply because she has her hands in my mouth. After the last visit I popped my floss next to the TV remote to “habit stack”. Then I moved it because it looked messy.

Dangly earrings

I once wore jewellery that swished and signalled that at any moment I might be off to a Spanish fiesta. Picture: Carlos Alvarez/WireImage

In the years BC (Before Children) I wore jewellery that swished and signalled that at any moment I might be off to a Spanish fiesta or a Tantric yoga course. But since my youngest tried to abseil on a particularly lovely pair, scattering thousands of glittery beads in the process, I haven’t worn anything more interesting than a gold or pearl stud. Accessories require thought. My KPIs this century have been: 1. Dressed. 2. Clean.

Bathroom insouciance

When I was working in London I’d fly to Europe for work on a moment’s notice with one pair of knickers and contact lenses in my handbag. Since 2000 I haven’t left the house without suncream, snacks, hats and a Google search of all toilets within 5km of my destination. My bathroom research is hypervigilant, which is lucky because while my offspring can now hunt out their own loos, I now need to micromanage a weak pelvic floor and a large coffee.

Had feelings about skivvies

I’m so triggered by primary colours, I pass a red car and spontaneously break into “Wake Up Jeff”. Picture: Matt Jelonek/WireImage

In another life I interviewed Cindy Crawford about her style choices. Now, thanks to The Wiggles and Lego, I’m so triggered by primary colours, I pass a red car and spontaneously break into “Wake Up Jeff” and set to chopping fruit. When I chance upon a bloke in a skivvy (popular at ski resorts) I get an agitated feeling, like I’ve misplaced a sippy cup.

Long showers

When TikTok invented the “everything” shower, I realised I hadn’t showered longer than three minutes since the Millennium. Forget “everything” (where you shave, exfoliate and polish your limbs and deep cleanse your hair), I struggled to do “anything” other than a quick soap. My goal for this year is to use a conditioning mask I was gifted in 2006.

Not worried

As my own mum says, worry is the price you pay for loving someone so much. Picture: iStock

My eldest now owns an air fryer and makes her own dental appointments but I still wait anxiously to hear she’s arrived safely after a long drive. I may also scold her if she hasn’t eaten broccoli for three days. I can probably stand down now – it’s been 25 years since those two pink lines appeared on a stick. But as my own mum says, worry is the price you pay for loving someone so much.

ANGE’S A-LIST

Walking Tall

Having loved Raynor Winn’s wonderful story The Salt Path, about her and her husband Moth’s hike after becoming homeless, I feared filmmakers would ruin the story. Thankfully, Gillian Anderson and Jason Isaacs have done her proud with a quiet and scenically immersive movie that reminds you what truly matters in life.

Barefaced Cheek

Three people have told me lately I look well and it’s got to be down to my Charlotte Tilbury Beautiful Skin Island Lip Glow Lip & Cheek ($60). The “sun-blushed glow” shade looks intense in the little pot but a tiny smudge and you look happy and well-rested. Great with blue eyes.