Sydney suburb rallies to lift mum of four Ellen Duffs out of postnatal depression

WHEN Ellen Duffs suffered severe postnatal depression, her neighbours rallied around to help the mum of four return to the ‘Viking’ woman she knew she was.

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THE dark thoughts started soon after Ellen Duff had given birth to premature twin girls.

She was already caring for a then 17-month-old daughter and three-and-half-year old son when the twins came nine weeks early, but she considered her self a “strong woman” and her husband called her “his Viking” because of her character. She’d be able to cope with four kids under four easily.

Then Ms Duff found herself wishing the twins wouldn’t wake up. She dreaded feeding them. An emptied bottle of wine provided solace far too often. She wanted to go to sleep and never rise.

It scared her and she felt a failure and, with her immediate family in Scotland, isolated.

“You think I’ve got no reason to be sad, I’ve got four lovely children and the babies were good sleepers, but I became scared of them waking, it was like I couldn’t face them waking and then I was scared about feeding the babies, I had to express and bottle feed two at once six times a day and the fear in the lead up and the effort of that was overwhelming,” the 35-year-old from Leichhardt said.

“Everything made me cry. And I would get so angry at my two older kids even though they were such good kids.”

Grace Waller, 14, left and Ella Seebeck, 9, right, helped Ellen pull out of postnatal depression by regularly helping out with her kids. Picture: Toby Zerna

It was her early childhood midwife who spotted PND.

Admitting it, and understanding it was a chemical imbalance in her brain, and not a personal failing, helped. So did the army of neighbours and friends who stepped in to help.

Shauna Baldwin recognised feeding time was extremely stressful, so she conspired to show up at the right time.

“The strategy I had was identifying what areas triggered her worries and I knew feeding was a real worry and one of the easiest things for me to do was be there and hold one of the babies,” the 37-year-old mother of two said.

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Next door neighbour Sarah Monch, a mother of three, would take Ewan regularly.

“I just thought oh my god, four kids under four, she needs some help, so we have Ewan over regularly and he plays with my son,” Ms Monch, 38, said.

Another neighbour, Laura Hennessy offered up her nine-year-old daughter Ella to regularly lend a hand.

“I could see she needed help and Ella just started to help. She goes up after school and she’ll help feed the babies or bath them and I do what ai can. I’ll send a text and say I’m here till 12, give me a baby,” Ms Hennessy, 45, said.

“The community rallied, that made the biggest difference, neighbours and friends got me out of it,” Ms Duff said.

Ms Duff’s advice to other mums is to talk about it before it’s too late. Picture: Toby Zerna

Ms Duff now has roster of teenage helpers.

“10-year-old Ella comes in two times a week in the evening and feeds the babies and Grace, my 14-year-old neighbours daughter takes Cara and Ewan to the park twice a week to give me a break. I actually now pay Grace $15 an hour, but Ella just does it to help out,” Ms Duff said.

Her advice to other mums?

“Talk about it, we don’t talk about it until it’s too late. My advice is be prepared and be aware of the symptoms.

“I am still a Viking. Just one that crumbles every so often, but I’m ready when it comes.”

Post-natal depression affects up to 15 per cent of all women within the first three months following birth. New research shows that mothers of infants born prematurely — Ms Duff’s girls were nine weeks early — have almost double the rates of PND, so Ellen was a prime candidate. And she was isolated from family, another big risk factor.