I heard my toddler crying and that’s when I had thoughts of, ‘I’m going to kill myself’

LIZZY WILLIAMSON describes her lowest moments as she battled post-natal depression and hopes other mums will realise nobody is perfect ahead of Mother’s Day.

Lizzy Williamson with Ruby, now eight and Stella, now 10, around the time she suffered post natal depression.

THE feelings Lizzy Williamson experienced as part of post natal depression are vivid and shocking.

She recalled the moment, almost eight years ago, when she hit rock bottom.

“I was lying in my bed, my toddler was asleep and I’d just put my baby to sleep,” she said.

“I heard my toddler crying and that’s when I had thoughts of, ‘I’m going to kill myself’. ”

Lizzy with her children Ruby, 8, and Stella, 10, Williamson at home as she talks about post natal depression

Mrs Williamson, 39, a former dancer who performed on cruise ships and TV shows, said she even thought about harming her newborn baby when she was in the grip of the illness.

The Bilgola mother also admits “stabbing knives into chopping boards” and “throwing things around the house”, and is sharing her story to urge other women to seek help.

She said her illness was triggered by the belief she was failing as a mother after having second child Ruby, now eight, two years after her first, Stella, 10.

“I remember lying in bed at night thinking all the things I’d done wrong as a mother. I wasn’t giving them the right beautifully homemade food and teaching them their ABCs,” she said.

Stella and Ruby Williamson with mum Lizzy dance together, which Lizzy said really helps her depression Picture: Adam Yip

“I felt like I was a very capable woman who had run businesses and thought two children wouldn’t be a problem. I thought I could have 10 swanning around under my feet while I was there making muffins.

“But I started losing it and I couldn’t believe the emotions I was experiencing.”

Even though her husband, actor and director Felix Williamson, told her to get help, it took Mrs Williamson seven months to see her GP, who diagnosed post natal depression.

And, while she said she did not take the antidepressants she was prescribed, she did start making changes, including taking care of herself.

Lizzy Williamson with Ruby, now eight and Stella, now 10, around the time she suffered post natal depression.

As reported in the Manly Daily, that included the simple pledge to exercise — even for a couple of minutes. For her, that was doing ballet moves at her kitchen bench.

“What I’ve learned is the power of the small step. Those little things can be the big game changers,” she said.

Mrs Williamson has written a book, Two Minute Moves, out in October. She wants to tell mothers not to be ashamed and to get help.

Lizzie Williamson with actor director husband Felix. Picture: Justin Lloyd

Lizzy Williamson has previously promoted her two minute exercises and has a new book. Picture: Braden Fastier

She said while social media could have an impact too, mums such as TV host Jessica Rowe — who jokes about being a “crap housewife” — are refreshing.

Peri-natal Anxiety & Depression Australia CEO Terri Smith said two-thirds of mums who called its helpline said expectation verses reality caused their distress.

“The disparity between expectations of what it will be like to become a mum and the reality once it happens is often a challenge,” she said.

Symptoms of post natal depression

■ Constant sadness or crying

■ Panic attacks

■ Persistent, generalised worry

■ Sleep problems unrelated to the baby

■ Loss of confidence and self-esteem and withdrawal from friends and family

Get help by seeing your GP or contacting Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia on 1300 726 306 or panda.org.au