Port Macquarie Tinder stab attack victim Angela Jay: ‘I still check cupboards’
EXCLUSIVE: ANGELA Jay won’t be silenced by the chilling domestic violence attack that almost took her life — and is using her voice to fight for others. But she admits the road to recovery is a very long one.
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ANGELA Jay won’t be silenced by the chilling domestic violence attack that almost took her life — and is using her voice to fight for others.
“When talking about family violence, it can become very easy to get weighed down by all of the statistics,” she told a charity event on the weekend.
“But we are not a number! I am one of the one in three women; I came so close to adding to the 1 to 2 a week who have their lives stolen.
“These women are warriors not numbers ... And as it stands, these incredible warriors are losing the battle. We need to stand up and fight for a better future, and the only way this can be achieved is together. I for one am so privileged to still have a voice, and I will never let it be silenced.”
The 29-year-old trainee obstetrician and gynaecologist told The Daily Telegraph she is still struggling to recover mentally and physically after becoming the victim of a terrifying ordeal at the hands of a madman she met on Tinder.
“My post-traumatic stress symptoms are getting better but I still check cupboards and under the beds,’’ Ms Jay said.
“For a while I was afraid to live alone, or with strangers, but I’m trying hard to draw a line under what happened.’’
US-born Ms Jay is still struggling to fathom how last November she became the object of a savage attack when the Tinder date she had ditched leapt out of her walk-in wardrobe, stabbed her repeatedly with a large knife and doused her in petrol as part of a twisted revenge plot. Demented Paul Lambert, 36, was gunned down by police after leaving the bleeding doctor for dead outside her Port Macquarie home. Police believe Lambert wanted to rape and kill Ms Jay after becoming enraged when she ended their six-week relationship.
“I still have nightmares but they’re getting less now,’’ she said. “When I fill up the car with petrol, I put the lavender oil my sister bought me over one hand and keep smelling it to mask the petrol. I struggled with that a hell of a lot — the smell of petrol in a garage made me feel sick and anxious. It’s a long road but I’m focusing on my career and on me personally. It’s too early to date, it’s still too fresh.”
Ms Jay is determined not to let the assault destroy her life. She has transferred to a tertiary hospital in Sydney where she is flat-sharing with fellow medics.
On Saturday, she relived the harrowing ordeal, calling for an end to domestic violence, during a brave speech at the White Ribbon charity ball, for which she helped raise $17,500.
“The night I was attacked, I could see the knife ... I remember the sinking despair realising that I would die ... I would forever become one of those one to two women a week murdered by a current or ex-partner,” she told a packed ballroom at Terrigal’s Crowne Plaza hotel.
In September Dr Jay will support White Ribbon’s 65km fundraising Trek For Respect along the NT’s Larapinta Trail.
Dr Jay’s full White Ribbon Ball speech:
I can’t express how incredible it is to see such an amazing turnout tonight!
First of all, there are some thank you’s that are overdue … I can’t say enough how thankful I am to be standing here in front of you tonight. I am forever grateful for my heroes that helped save my life — my amazing Port Macquarie neighbours Steve, Rhonda and Amy Wildern; they will always be a part of my family now.
Thank you to the ambulance officers that tended my wounds and calmed me down when I was certain I would bleed to death, and to the remarkable health care team at Port Base Hospital — including Dr Chris Nash from the Orthopaedic team who is here tonight. And I cannot begin to explain how thankful I am for the tireless efforts of the Port Macquarie and Coffs Harbour Police to bring my attacker to justice and to give me the opportunity to feel safe again to live my life.
Can everyone please join me in a round of applause for my heroes!
Now, bringing the attention back to this beautiful night — I would like to acknowledge Dr Simon Battersby for making this event possible. He approached me offering any help with my fundraising and advocacy work with White Ribbon — which sparked the idea of holding a Charity Ball. None of us would be here right now if he didn’t make that phone call!
Obviously, I also need to thank my talented sister Danielle for her help with theming, creating literally all the written material, her ideas, and constant support. And I am so grateful for efforts of Jo Hill and Maddy Sheppard who kept hassling local businesses to get some amazing prizes!
And to my other amazing friends Terri Fairbairn, Mitch Garling, Jarred Scott, and James Machan who have volunteered their time to entertain, MC, play music, and photograph tonight! I also would like to acknowledge a very special woman here. Melissa Henderson, could you come up here please?
Melissa bravely shaved off her hair a few weeks ago to help me raise money for this fundraiser, adding about $4,000 to the total! This is for you to say thank you, and everyone please give Mel a huge round of applause!
You have all been probably wondering why there is a pattern of black and white chairs around the room … At this point I need to ask everyone sitting in a white chair to please stand up.
Take a look around the room … those standing represent the shocking statistic that 1 in 3 women will experience sexual and/or physical violence during their adult lives … 1 in 3!
It’s a shocking statistic but pretty meaningless as a number. In a group of women of this size, this is how many will be survivors.
You can all be seated again. In our daily and professional lives, if you believe your friends, family, colleagues, patients, clients are untouched by this tragedy, I can tell you right now that you’re wrong. There are survivors and victims all around us, and yes even men too!
That is why ending the silence about such a taboo topic is vitally important. It is why I have been so incessantly vocal. As Malala Yousafzai says, “I tell my story not because it is unique, but because it’s not.”
On the night I was attacked, I could see the knife, and while I couldn’t feel it, my brain started to comprehend that I was being stabbed. I fell to the ground and saw the wound on my left thigh, I could see the fat beneath my skin and it was bleeding heavily around my fingers even when I tried to apply pressure. I would later learn that there was in fact not one, but six stab wounds in that thigh with one extending all the way into my femur.
I’m sure only a few seconds had passed at this point and my mind was buzzing frantically, yet I remember having one distinct thought. I vividly remember the sinking despair realising that I would die there and then in that big beautiful home. I would never get the chance to see my friends nor family ever again, and I would forever become one of those 1-2 women a week murdered by a current or ex-partner.
Known ever more as a mere statistic. I think I even briefly accepted that fate. I eventually found the strength to pick myself off the ground, only to be met by a shower of petrol. It ran down my face and through my hair, it burned my eyes and filled my ears, and I coughed as the fumes began to choke me. It was that moment of indescribable horror waiting to be lit on fire that my adrenaline kicked into overdrive and, somehow I found the courage to run for my life.
When talking about family violence, it can become very easy to get weighed down by all of the statistics. They are so confronting that it is much easier to think about the immense problem facing our society and the world as just numbers. But we are not a number! I AM one of the 1 in 3 women; I came so close to adding to the 1 to 2 a WEEK who have their lives stolen.
These women are WARRIORS not numbers! They are fighting a war in the privacy of their home — generally all alone, or worse, with children beside them. And as it stands, these incredible warriors are losing the battle. We need to stand up and fight for a better future, and the only way this can be achieved is together. I for one am so privileged to still have a voice, and I will NEVER let it be silenced.
Thank you to everyone who is here and taking a stand with me.
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