OPINION: Splendour reached peak glitter

WITH people in every size, colour, gender and dietary restriction shimmering under the Byron sun, 2017 is, officially, the year of Splendour in the Glitter.

Courtney Smoulden and Dylan Barker sporting some of the extensive glitter available at Splendour in the Grass 2017 near Byron Bay. Picture: Marc Stapelberg

WHEN Splendour organisers mentioned in a long list of features of the festival that this year's event was going to feature 50Kg of glitters, I thought they were kidding.

'Who would wear so much glitter?' I thought.

Boy was I wrong.

Splendour crowds of all ages , sizes, colours and dietary restrictions have embraced all festival fashions to the max: the manbraids, the meggings (men's leggings), the see through garments, the flowers in the hair or the beards, there has been bad shirts, vintage T-shirts and even onesies (remember them?), but the glitter has reigned supreme this year.

If 2015 was Splendour in the Mud (remember that torrential rain?), and 2016 Splendour in the Cure (everyone wanted to look like them), this year is, for sure, the year of Splendour in the Glitter.

Glitter is an assortment of small, colourful, reflective particles that comes in a variety of shapes and sizes.

Its particles reflect light at different angles, causing the surface to sparkle or shimmer.

Audrey Clark, of Melbourne, gets glitter fashion on ready for Splendour in the Grass 2017. Picture: Marc Stapelberg

Modern glitter is usually manufactured from plastic. So I guess it's gluten free. I wonder if it will get banned from Byron Shire when they ban plastic bags...

But glitter has also become the latest bastion of feminism, believe it or not.

At the Glitoris, one of the joints dedicated exclusively to share the glitter love at the festival, the 'menu' includes 'disco boobs', a glitter feminist statement that has become much more popular than 'glitter buttocks', the next in the list of possibilities.

Yesterday, Splendour organisers had to enforce the requirement to avoid nudity in the premises, by asking glitter artists on site to ensure nipples are always covered when completing said Disco Boob.

But many females were left fuming, because their fellow male festival goers were able to freeze their nipples in freedom as theirs had to be covered by diamantes, sparkly rainbow-coloured hearts or, gasp, bikini tops.

This is a new dimension of the feminist struggle I did not see coming.

Bad news for AirB&B local hosts

The other side of the glitter craze is what happens next: where will the glitter go.

First, it will go to the sheets, furniture and showers of thousands of locals who are earning a quick buck by renting out their spare bedrooms / massage clinic / spa / shamanistic centre.

Mullumbimby, Bangalow, even Tweed are set to sparkle like never before.

Because getting rid of glitter is like getting rid of an STD, it's done in secrecy and with a high dose of regret, or it is not genuine.

Getting rid of glitter is also really hard, even completely sober.

In most cases, if your glitter treatment was done in, let's say, a man's beard or a woman's face, said festival goers will try first to take a shower to remove it.

Let's just say this will only move the party from the top level to the bottom level.

Tips to get rid of glitter

• As Vaseline is applied with the glitter, apply some soap to help remove it.
• Give it a first wash / shower.
• Didn't work, did it? I know, just kidding. But at least you are a bit sober.
• Use a dry towel to get rid of the excess glitter first.
• Shower for so long your house-mates will complain you used all the hot water.
• Give up, glitter is now stuck to your soul until next Splendour.

Good luck, at least you are not alone. Should we start a Glitter Anonymous group?