‘It works’: The mindset hack that will change your life

Need some life support? There are many mindset hacks that will help, with the “let them” theory one of them ... until I found an occasion where it really didn’t work.

Let them. Chances are, you’ve heard these two words of late. Coined by popular podcaster Mel Robbins, her “let them” theory is basically another way of saying that while we can’t control what other people do or say, we can control how we feel about it.

Someone behaving badly towards you? Let them. Someone doing something you don’t agree with? Let them. Someone seeming to have their whole life sorted out, while you’re still putting your pants on backwards some mornings?
Let them.

My New Years remotely achievable list

Why I’m having a hot girl summer: Frances Whiting

The next part of this theory is to “let me”; let them do their thing, and now go do yours. And, judging by the 20 million people worldwide sharing on Robbin’s platforms how her mindset hack has changed their lives, it works.

Now this is not an ad for Robbins (with 25 million followers and several New York Times bestsellers, she doesn’t need a boost from me), it is instead the chance to share how I got it wildly wrong, and also my favourite, alternative mindset hack.

To wit, I’ve been hearing “let them” quite a bit lately, at least three people have said it to me after I’ve been kvetching (and thank you, Jewish friends, for this most excellent word) about something or another.

Frances Whiting. Picture: David Kelly

“Let them,” they’ll answer, usually accompanied by a quite frankly smug shrug of their shoulders. Anyway, after hearing these words quite often, and reading about Robbins theory, I found myself in a situation the other day where I could test it out myself.

I was on a walk with my good friend Tess, and she had been telling me about a terrible situation at her work, and the terrible person who was sabotaging her, when I realised I held the perfect two-word answer to her problem.

So, I stopped in my tracks, looked her right in the eye and said “Let them”.

Then I shrugged my shoulders a little bit. She stopped in her tracks, looked right back at me in the eye, and said: “Don’t give me any of that Mel Robbins shit Frances, I don’t want to ‘let them’,
I want to poke them in the eye with a stick.”

Aah, and there we have the hole in the theory; apparently “let them” only works if you’ve mastered magnanimity.

Anyway, if it works for you, I’m very glad, if not, try “I get to”. This is another very simple life hack, in fact it requires just one vowel change – specifically an “o” to an “e”.

If you are someone who is overwhelmed or time poor or just plain stressed and find yourself saying “I’ve got to” a lot – as in “I’ve got to go to the gym/pick up the kids/finish this assignment”, change the “o” to an “e” and tell yourself “I get to” instead.

As in “I get to go to the gym”, “I get to pick up the kids”, “I get to finish this assignment”.

It’s a gentle reminder that not everyone does get to do these things, and that there will most likely come a day when we won’t be able to either.

Changing that one vowel has really helped me to look at things through a more positive lens.

I hope either “let them” or “I get to” helps you and please share any others that have made your load a little lighter.

Originally published as ‘It works’: The mindset hack that will change your life