How the system failed 17-year-old Tumut suicide victim Ethan Day
Julia Day felt her brother Ethan’s heartbeat stop as she lay beside him in hospital. Almost a year later, she is yet to come to terms with losing her 17-year-old sibling to suicide. Julia and her mum Leigh, who live in Tumut, feel the system let him down and believe more should be done to prevent youth suicide.
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Julia Day could feel her teenage brother Ethan’s heartbeat as she lay beside him on the hospital bed.
And she felt it stop — seconds after doctors told the family the time had come to turn his life support off.
The 17-year-old who lived for rugby league, fishing, his mates, carpentry and family slipped away on November 11 last year.
But Julia, mother Leigh Day and stepfather Luke Rodda aren’t sure they will ever come to terms with Ethan’s suicide, which has forever scarred them and rocked the tiny community of Tumut in southern NSW.
They acknowledge his decision to take his own life was the culmination of a number of factors, including a previous suicide attempt at the end of Year 9, an obsessive-compulsive nature and feeling overwhelmed a bad run of events in the weeks before his death.
But Ethan’s mother can’t help but think that her son was also let down by the lack of mental health resources and follow-up care both in the local health district and at Tumut High School, which he attended until the end of 2018.
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“I really feel like the system let Ethan down,” Ms Day, 51, said.
“I don’t think that there was the follow-up. I just don’t think there was that support.
“When he crashed his car I could fix that. When he had a drama at school I could go and sort that out.
“The trouble is I have always been able to fix everything but I can’t fix this.”
Ethan’s home on the edge of town appears like he never left.
While his beloved 1996 Toyota HiLux is not parked out the front, the keys are still sitting on his bedside table.
For a teenage boy his room was, and still is, immaculate.
A stickler for order and cleanliness, Ethan always ensured his T-shirts were hung up straight, sporting trophies lined up and bed made.
Julia admits that Ethan’s life was so intertwined with hers she sometimes forgets he’s gone.
“It still doesn’t seem real,” his 20-year-old sister said.
“I will walk past Ethan‘s room and I see the door is shut and I will just assume that he is still in there asleep.
“Not long after we came back from the hospital I walked in to say something to him but then I realised he was gone. Then I just broke down.
“I go to open the door because I think he’s there and he is not.”
Ethan was always a pretty happy kid growing up but he struggled to have a relationship with his biological father, before and after his parents split in 2008.
Ms Day said she noticed a change in Ethan in 2016 and teachers said he had become more disruptive in class.
He saw the school counsellor in June of that year and did a basic skills test, where he scored below average.
“Then there was a phone conversation between myself and the counsellor in regards to the results,” Ms Day said.
“I think (the school) could’ve probably followed up more. He definitely had issues but he had them under control.”
But while he might have put on a tough exterior, like he did when he played centre for his beloved Tumut Blues, all was not well.
On New Year’s Eve the then 15-year-old posted an Instagram video of himself fishing in the Tumut River, with no indication that anything was wrong.
Less than 24 hours later on the morning of New Year’s Day 2018 he attempted suicide.
His stepfather Luke Rodda, 31, saved his life.
Ethan, Mr Rodda and Ms Day went to a local counsellor attached to the Murrumbidgee Local Health District twice in February.
Ms Day claims that counsellor lacked good communication skills, repeatedly referred to the location of Ethan’s suicide attempt in the first session and mistook his stepfather for his biological father.
Ethan was referred to headspace but he refused to go because of both his bad experience with a previous counsellor and the appointment was in a room at Tumut TAFE where his friends went.
Headspace services executive director Julia Smith said young people and family and friends can access services at headspace Wagga Wagga and “the centre also offers the option to see young people at appropriate alternate locations such as schools, TAFE and GP clinics”.
“Locations are agreed on between the young person and the clinician,” Ms Smith said.
Ms Day said Ethan was very worried about going back to school and what people would think of him after he attempted suicide.
“He was ashamed, did not want to be around people and was embarrassed,” Ms Day said.
He never went back to a mental health professional and was never diagnosed with a mental health condition.
Ms Day informed the school about Ethan’s suicide attempt and says he was given a card that allowed him to show to the teacher and leave the school if he was feeling overwhelmed.
This happened three times in 2018.
Neither Ethan nor Ms Day asked to see the school counsellor and Ms Day claims it was never offered.
Ethan had an almost impeccable school attendance record but he was not academically inclined, and so left school at the end of Year 10 in 2018 and went to TAFE.
He left TAFE in August 2019 after picking up an apprenticeship with a local builder, something he was very proud of.
On October 26 the P-plater got pulled over for a minor driving incident with a car full of friends from his football team during an end of season celebration.
He was not charged. He told his boss and family about the incident the next day, realising he would’ve most likely lost his job if he didn’t have a licence.
Ethan also reached out to apologise to his rugby league coach Jon Burgun, who he’d come to call “dad”.
“I have had so many thoughts running through my head all day,” Ethan said in a text message to Mr Burgun.
Mr Burgun, 42, replied: “I love you mate as do all the boys but I am deeply hurt by this”.
Asked how he was the following day, Ethan wrote back “I will be OK” and “I have just made things hard for myself at the moment out of stupidity”.
Also in the car that night was a 15-year-old girl who he liked. But he was shocked by the strong reaction of her stepfather, who disapproved of the budding relationship.
Ms Day said the relationship was non-sexual.
The girl was not meant to be out of the house the night Ethan was pulled over.
Ms Day said Ethan was then falsely accused of Tasering the girl, with a report made to Crimestoppers. There is no suggestion that report came from the girl or her family.
Police attended Ethan’s home sometime later, with Ms Day saying police told him they knew it was not true because he was with police at the time he was alleged to have Tasered her.
Later that day, on November 9, he went four-wheel driving with his mates and crashed his beloved HiLux. He was uninjured but the car was wrecked.
When he came back home to his mum he broke down.
“He burst into tears and said: ‘I keep f … ing up and everything is f … ed’,” Ms Day said.
“He said: ‘I know it is a car but everything else has happened in the past two weeks. Why is all this happening to me’?”
Ethan was withdrawn for the rest of the evening and refused to come out of his room.
His mum kept on encouraging him to come out and eat something and he eventually agreed to have McDonald’s.
He repeatedly refused to go with her, instead saying he needed a shower. Ms Day rushed out and was back within 15 minutes.
She found her son deceased when she returned.
Paramedics were able to restart his heart but he died two days later in Wagga Base Hospital surrounded by his family.
“Night times are definitely the worst because you just can’t switch it off,” Ms Day said.
“If I’m watching TV it will go away for a bit but then it’ll come back and then you get this scary feeling, everything tightens up and your heart starts beating fast.”
Ms Day said the vision of her son is there all the time.
“Why the f … did I go to Maccas? Why did I not stay with him and sleep in his bed with him?” she said.
“I went because he was saying he was hungry.”
On July 18, the Tumut Blues held a minute’s silence at their home ground of Twickenham for their former goalkicker, who proudly wore the number 3 jersey.
Tumut Blues under-18s coach Jon Burgun said Ethan’s death has taken a sledgehammer to him and the club.
“I felt like I lost one of my sons when I lost Ethan,” he said.
“After his death and before the funeral I got all the players and their fathers together in a room, stood in front of them and cried and showed how much it was hurting.
“I was trying to get them to get in touch with their emotions because when things get locked up, other things go wrong.
“We have got to talk to our families — or reach out to someone — if we are not feeling okay.”
Ms Day said the school principal contacted her to say: “This is the worst thing the kids and the staff have ever had to deal with”.
“I think mental health first aid is really needed in schools,” Ms Day said.
“They have got so many other resources so it is now doable.
“They are not just there to teach maths or English, they have kids in their care.”
A spokeswoman for the Department of Education said Tumut High School prioritises student wellbeing, which includes a dedicated Learning and Wellbeing Team that focuses on student wellbeing and support.
“In addition to this, the school has a full time allocated school counsellor and all teaching staff undertake training in child protection and e-emergency care,” she said.
“A student support officer will also be available to provide additional support for students at Tumut High School from 2021.”
Last year youth mental health organisation batyr also visited the school, delivering a number of workshops for both teachers and students in Years 9-12.
Murrumbidgee Local Health District’s director Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol Robyn Manzie said she extended: “My sincere condolences to Ms Day on the death of her son, Ethan”.
“It is a tragic loss for her and all who loved him,” she said.
“MLHD Mental Health Services are committed to timely action to improve the mental health and wellbeing of everyone in the community, including children and young people.
“MLHD has Specialist Child and Adolescent Mental Health and Specialist Youth Mental Health clinicians in the Community Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol teams, including in Tumut.
“These clinicians provide support and treatment to children, young people and their families in the community.
“The district also has an assertive outreach service dedicated within the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service to provide more intensive care in Tumut to those with higher needs.”