Gerald Urwin pleas with Hawkesbury Living nursing home at Richmond to see partner Toety ‘Mary’ Davies

A desperate man has captured the hearts of a community on the outskirts of Sydney each Sunday when he clutches a handwritten sign outside a supermarket highlighting his wish: to visit his partner in her nursing home more than 30 minutes a week.

An aged care centre on the fringes of Sydney has denied it is restricting a heartbroken partner of one of its residents from visiting her for just 30 minutes each week.

It comes as retired scientist Gerald Urwin continues his three-month ritual every Sunday when he stands outside Aldi supermarket at Richmond to hold a sign that claims Hawkesbury Living aged care centre has not allowed him to see his partner of 60 years, 93-year-old Toety “Mary” Davies, regularly.

The 87-year-old Richmond man updates the sign as the days advance and says it is now more than 180 days since he has been free to see his partner, who has dementia, daily.

Ms Davies has lived at the Richmond home since April last year after being transferred from Hawkesbury Hospital.
In January, Windsor Court dismissed Hawkesbury Living’s application for a restraining order against Mr Unwin after alleging he was aggressive with Ms Davies and “grabbed her by the face”.

Mr Urwin told the court he always placed her hand on the side of her face.

“I do it so many times in my life, it’s just affection,’’ he said.

Gerald Urwin is fighting to see his partner at an aged care centre without conditions. Picture: Justin Lloyd

“But definitely nothing damaging or harmful and she will say, ‘Can you scratch my head?’. We’ve loved each other for 60 years. It’s just preposterous to say that I would ever harm her or slap her face or put her hand deliberately over her mouth.’’

Magistrate Carl Milovanovich said he had “no doubt” Mr Urwin cared very much for Ms Davies and “that is consistent with him visiting her every day’’.

Gerald Urwin’s plight has been highlighted on social media. Picture: Facebook

Aldi supermarket at Richmond, where Mr Urwin displays his sign.

“This is not the sort of matter where I think court should be making restraining orders in relation to people who obviously care for each other,’’ he said.

“This is probably a matter where maybe the nursing home and Mr Unwin need to sit down and work out ways in which incidents involving the care of Ms Davies could be better managed, and the communications better handled so that perceptions by the nursing staff can be perhaps considered in the light of her diagnosis and also the age of the parties.’’

In the nine months an interim order was made, Mr Milovanovich said no breaches were made.

Now the lonely Mr Unwin just wants to see his soulmate as much as possible without any conditions.

Mr Urwin said in a letter, Hawkesbury Living stated he could visit Ms Davies on several conditions.

“When you come on site at Hawkesbury Living it is expected that you do not force care on Mary, no physiotherapy sessions or providing medication including supplements,” the letter read.

“Respect Mary has rights to what she wants and does not want. Do not threaten, intimidate, berate or belittle any of the staff or management.’’

He said in a letter dated April 15, the home stated he must be accompanied by a GP practice manager, a doctor or a priest for three months if the conditions were met.

Mr Urwin said the effect of the conditions were that he could only visit with the doctor for 30 minutes on a Friday.

“It’s not practical,’’ he said.

“I don’t have any family here. There is no person I can draw on.

“It’s not good for Mary. Mary says ‘Why can’t you come more often?’’’

He said he felt like he was being treated “like a criminal” that needed to be “supervised to visit Mary’’.

“It’s cruel, it’s cruel, it’s cruel, it’s cruel,’’ he said.

He read a list of incidents in which the staff accused him of berating them and facility residents, feeding Ms Davies and interfering with her care.

“They have been so judgmental needlessly over me,’’ Mr Urwin said.

Gerald Urwin and his longtime partner Toety ‘Mary’ Davies, circa 2004.

But Hawkesbury Living group chief executive Kimberley Talbot said Mr Urwin could visit his partner at any time and did not have to be accompanied by a doctor.

“Gerald Urwin is able to see Mary at any time, the time of his visits have not been restricted, but the conditions of his entry and the reasons for these conditions and what would be required to lift these conditions have been outlined in a letter to Gerald Urwin dated April 15, 2024,’’ she said.

“It is untrue that Hawkesbury Living is saying that he must be in the company of a doctor, but there are conditions that have been put in place to ensure the safety of the staff and residents.’’

Ms Talbot denied Mr Urwin’s claims that police had to be called about a handful of times to the facility because he was visiting out of hours but “prior to the conditions being put on, police have been called”.

“I cannot speak to details, but in general, under circumstances as an aged care provider, we are obliged to call police regarding certain incidents.’’

Ms Talbot said it was disappointing Mr Urwin described restrictions as cruel but the letter showed “the efforts that Hawkesbury Living have put in”.

Hawkesbury Living nursing home. Picture: Justin Lloyd

Mr Urwin said he complained to the Aged Care Quality Safety Commission, which Ms Talbot said was carried out with the centre’s encouragement, and it had now been closed.

Mr Urwin confirmed he asked for it to be reviewed.

He would like the love of his life transferred from the nursing home but in the meantime wants to see her whenever he wants.

“I’ve been fighting this so hard,’’ he said.

“I can’t break my devotion to Mary and my loyalty. She said ‘I’ll love you forever, you’re my husband.’’

Mr Urwin plans to continue displaying his sign at Aldi where he has growing community support.

“It breaks my heart,’’ passer-by Kate Schembri said.

Aldi has also shouted Mr Urwin complimentary groceries four times.