Father’s Day: Why one dad is breaking taboo around male infertility
Most men don’t like to talk about infertility but after conceiving his two daughters David Hodge is sharing his story.
NSW
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David Hodge feels doubly blessed this Father’s day because conceiving his two beautiful daughters was not been an easy road.
While much of the fertility spotlight falls on women, the Forbes father found himself struggling with male factor infertility.
He and wife Sarah met at age 15, married at 21 and just expected kids to come along, but after two years, they worried something was wrong.
As is often the way, Mrs Hodge was initially treated before Mr Hodge asked to be tested himself. He had zero sperm count.
“It affected me mentally, I was lonely and sad and depressed and Sarah and I cried because we thought we can’t have kids,” the 29-year-old said.
But a surgical procedure called testicular sperm aspiration extracted enough sperm to allow the couple to have IVF.
“You feel like you are the only one with poor swimmers but the truth is, if you’re not conceiving, men are just as likely to be the contributing factor.
“I’d say to other men don’t be afraid to go and get tested, don’t assume it is the women.”
With the help of IVF, he is now the proud dad to Emmi, 3, and Layla, 1, but he is speaking out to dispel the taboo around male infertility.
One in six couples will have difficulty falling pregnant, which is often assumed to be a female problem but an estimated 40 per cent can be attributed to men suffering reproductive issues.
While female fertility declines drastically after age 36, men have more time with the decline beginning in their mid-40s, but after 55, sperm deteriorates significantly.
Dr Derek Lok, a Fertility Specialist with Genea conducted a study of over 40,000 semen samples.
“There have been numerous studies looking at the impact of female age on the chance of conception but very few on the effect of male age. Women are very aware that their chance of conception declines sharply at 35, but what this study shows is that men’s procreating years are a lot longer.”
For those younger, Mr Hodge says don’t be shy speaking to your doctor if you are a man.
“It’s such a taboo in our society,” Mr Hodge said.
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DADS STRUGGLE BEING ‘MR EVERYTHING’
By Ben Pike
Fathers are struggling with societal pressure to be both the breadwinner and also spend as much time with their kids as possible.
A survey with dads aged between 28 and 69 conducted during lockdown reveal fathers still see providing for and protecting their kids as key parts of their “jobs”.
But while they are comfortable and familiar with the traditional fatherly role, they also have to deal with the additional element of “involvement”.
That can mean everything from homeschooling to plaiting their daughter’s hair, making lunches, doing drop-offs and policing 10-hour screen marathons.
Social researcher Paul Labagnara interviewed the bulk of the dads, who had between one and four children, ranging in age from three months to 37 years.
He said time pressures were a common thread, with just under half mentioning this as a major issue.
“There were a few dads who felt like parenting would have been easier in the past in terms of having the traditional father’s role,” Mr Labagnara, director of The Lab Insight and Strategy, said.
“Now there are more demands on their time to be a larger part of their kids’ lives.
“Dads with younger children are saying that they want more time with their kids.
“They are also saying they are getting that time but it is at the end of the day when kids are tired.”
Mr Labagnara said many fathers mentioned that they were way more involved than their own dads ever were, yet they didn’t hold a grudge about that.
The research also revealed that one in five found managing their children’s technology is the hardest part of being a dad today, while about one in ten mentioned disciplining children or being away from them as being top of the list of concerns.
“Dads are looking to be much more emotionally involved so they feel like they are making a real difference to the growth of their child,” he said.
“They remain concerned about their kids not getting outside enough; not using their imagination as much as they should.
“Social media is also putting pressure on them to be a great dad and, again, how they best manage their time.”
What dads said
“When I was growing up most dads had little to no expectations to cook, play, take the kids to the park or read some bedtime stories. I’ve loved being able to share the stories I read as a child.”
“There is more emphasis on being an all-round father which is physical, mental and emotional. The traditional fatherhood role still exists but we are now expected (and so we should) to be more emotionally there for the kids.”
“I think it is a much closer relationship nowadays. I find I have to straddle that thing where I need to be a stern parent like when they are throwing a tanty and (also) show affection. But I think it used to be more like you were one type of dad. Like the hard man.”
“Technology has created more work and expectations are higher, which has resulted in longer work hours and sometimes working weekend. Plus, social media pressure to have a successful career, be fit and healthy, and be the ‘best dad’.”
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