Farmer’s battle with ‘mum guilt’ as drought takes toll on family life

Grazier Shelly Barnett gives an emotional insight into the toll of keeping the farm alive and the family together is having on her kids. Today, The Sunday Telegraph and Rural Aid join forces to give back to farmers for Christmas. READ SHELLY’S LETTER AND FIND OUT HOW YOU CAN HELP.

• $5b fund to shield farmers from drought
• Teacher jobs saved in drought-hit regions

IT’S the Christmas gift for the family member who has everything that will help those who have almost nothing.

The Sunday Telegraph and farming charity Rural Aid today launch a prepaid gift card that you can buy on behalf of a loved one to bring a little seasonal cheer to a drought-affected farm family.

Donations of $25 or $50 will be loaded onto Country Cards and given to the 4500 registered farming families suffering through one of NSW’s worst-ever droughts.

The money can be spent at hundreds of country stores, giving a further boost to the rural economy.

Anyone making a donation will be able print out a card to be given to family or friends, telling them that you have made this Christmas gift on their behalf. But, of course, you can also make a donation in your own name.

Cattle farmers Shelly and Chris Barnett with son Bill, eight months, and daughter Ella, 11, Lyra, 6, and Lucy 10, on their Mudgee property. Picture: Dean Marzolla

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Like most farmers, the mere mention of charity makes grazier Shelly Barnett cringe, but she begrudgingly admits a modest gift would brighten up her Christmas.

In an emotional open letter explaining the full impact the drought is having, Mrs Barnett admitted to suffering “mum guilt” because she has been so busy handfeeding her livestock that she has had to rely on her three young daughters to care for their newborn brother Bill.

“I really wanted to enjoy this baby, which will be my last, but the last eight months have been a blur and my girls have pretty much raised him,” Mrs Barnett, 34, said.

Mrs Barnett said her young daughters have had to not only help more around the farm but look after their baby brother as she worked the land while her husband was away for work. Picture: Dean Marzolla

With four young children, Mrs Barnett said she often cried herself to sleep at night questioning whether she is doing a good enough job. Picture: Dean Marzolla

“Ask any farming mother and I’m pretty sure she will know what the ‘mum guilts’ are — where you spread yourself so thin you’re half-arsed at parenting, half-arsed at running your business, a half-arsed secretary and a half-arsed wife.

“That’s just normal — but don’t think there aren’t nights I don’t cry in bed to my husband and think: ‘I’m just not doing good enough’.”

Mrs Barnett oversees the day-to-day running of the farm while her husband Chris, 34, works long hours at a coal mine in Mudgee. He helps around the property every spare moment he gets.

As well as a hungry newborn, Mrs Barnett has 130 cows and 130 calves to feed on her 1200-acre farm. Her daughters Ella, 11, Lucy, 10, and Lyra, 6, have stepped up to help in the face of their mum’s “fatigue and desperation”.

Rural Aid founder Charles Alder.

The Sunday Telegraph and Rural Aid’s Country Card.

For the past six months, Ella has woken up at 5.15am to feed horses, wake her sisters for school, help them dress and make their lunches.

“I never ask her to, we never even spoke about it, she just did it so I could feed the baby each morning instead of it being a chaotic chore,” Mrs Barnett said.

The Barnett’s story is typical of many struggling farming families.

“In a drought, if you spend any money on yourself it comes with a certain amount of guilt. But a donated gift card would mean I could go to dinner or buy something nice without guilt,” Mrs Barnett said.

Mrs Barnett said getting gifted a Country Card for Christmas means she could enjoy a dinner out with her family or “buy something nice” without feeling guilty. Picture: Dean Marzolla

There’s a tinge of green on the Barnett’s farm after two falls of 15mm in the past month but it’s mostly weeds and won’t support livestock. It is a common situation on farms across the state, according to Rural Aid CEO Charles Alder.

“Many country businesses will decide after Christmas whether to keep going or not, which is a real worry because the cost of keeping business afloat today is far less than the cost of establishing a new business tomorrow,” he said.

To buy a Country Card: www.ruralaid.org.au There is a $2.50 processing fee.