Big Brother housemate Brenton Balicki’s guilt over sister’s suicide

Big Brother housemate Brenton Balicki has revealed his guilt and regret after his youngest sister took her own life, saying he feels he failed as a big brother.

No matter whether he wins or loses Big Brother, Brenton Balicki is forever haunted by the thought he failed as a big brother — after his youngest sister took her own life.

Five years his junior, ­Ellana had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and suffered depression, which was made worse by a fight with a friend just days after her 25th birthday.

She sent Brenton a text on a cold Friday morning in ­August 2019. The former Tetsuya’s chef turned corporate sales executive was leaving his Surry Hills home to go to work when he rushed a text message response to Ellana.

Ellana, who had long suffered with her mental illness, was found dead by their mother not long after.

Brenton Balicki with his sister Ellana, who committed suicide in 2019.

Big Brother housemate Brenton Balicki is a favourite. Picture: Nigel Wright

“I will never forget I was rushing to work and I sent a really rushed text message back to her, and what for — for the sake of saving one minute?” the 31-year-old said.

“Everyone around me would say it’s not your fault, but I couldn’t accept it.

“Over the years she would reach out and want to catch up and I just remember not prioritising it. I thought if I cancelled on her it wouldn’t affect her that much — but I didn’t ­realise how important those moments were for her.

“I didn’t recognise how much she was reaching out … being the only big brother with three sisters I didn’t realise how much she looked up to me.”

Brenton Balicki felt guilt over his sister Ellana’s suicide.

The powerful emotions of guilt, regret and heartbreak engulfed Brenton after his baby sister’s death and it wasn’t until he released those feelings a year later that he started to become himself again.

“I knew I couldn’t keep carrying the guilt around with me, so on her one-year anniversary and around her birthday, we went down to Curl Curl, to her favourite beach,” he said.

“It was the middle of ­winter so it was super-cold but I came up with this idea to write down the things I was regretful of, and I went down to the water at sunrise and read out the things I was sorry for. I basically demanded forgiveness and stood there in the waves for 10 minutes just to say the things I needed to say, that she may not have known.

A romance has sparked between Brenton Balicki and fellow housemate Christina Podolyan. Picture: Network 7

“The cold just completely went away and I could have stood there for hours.

“I remember saying to myself if you ever find yourself in that pain, come back to this moment — because once you come back to the sand, you have to let it all go. That moment changed things for me.”

He said Ellana would have been proud of him going into the Big Brother house and the immense loss he felt taught him a lot about himself.

“I feel that I am unbreakable, in a way, because if I ever feel unhappy, I just remember Ellana and how much pain she would have gone through on a daily basis.”

He said it was vital for the stigma surrounding mental health to shift and, to those suffering, he has a message: “You’re not alone.”

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