Divorced woman’s confession after finding love in same-sex relationship
Women across Australia, including a string of celebrities, are finding love with each other after decades of dating men. See why.
National
Don't miss out on the headlines from National. Followed categories will be added to My News.
A year after her seven-year marriage ended, single mum Bridget Harris unexpectedly fell in love with a woman.
She was just about to turn 30 and had no idea she could be sexually attracted to the same sex until then.
It was so surprising to her, she even wondered whether she was having a midlife crisis and tried to talk herself out of it.
“You don’t necessarily wake up one day and say to yourself ‘I think I might give being a lesbian a go’,” the now 36-year-old said.
“I met a woman and we just clicked. Friendship grew into feelings quite quickly and there was just something about her that lit me up.
“I don’t really know how it happened, but it happened naturally – and it scared the living hell out of me,” she said.
“I didn’t know what to do with these new feelings, all I knew is that they were very real.”
Women who realise they have feelings for the same sex later in life, like Australian singer Natalie Bassingthwaighte, are more common than you’d think.
There’s even a name for it: Late Bloomer Lesbian.
A Reddit thread of the same name, dedicated to discussing the issue, is one of the most popular on the global platform.
It has 89,000 followers and 500,000 people clicked on it this year alone.
The thread’s description says: “Some of us are married to men, some of us are dating them, and some of us are chronically single. But we well (sic) have one thing in common: we are late to the coming out game.”
There’s also a link to a document titled, ‘How to know if I’m a lesbian?”.
On the thread women discuss whether they are gay, how to know for sure, and how best to navigate coming out later in life.
One user posted: “Hi. First time posting. New to Reddit and new to the realisation that I’m a lesbian. I’m 48, married, 2 children, 15 and 17, and have realised that I need to leave my marriage.”
Celebrities have also helped raise awareness of how heterosexual women can change their sexuality later in life.
Glamorous Selling Sunset reality star Chrishell Stause, 40, was previously married to actor Justin Hartley, and then dated her real estate boss Jason Oppenheim, before finding love with Australian rapper G Flip, who was born female but now identifies as non-binary. The couple married in May.
Meanwhile, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards, 54, recently announced her 27-year marriage to Mauricio Umansky was in trouble, and added fuel to speculation she had found love with female country music singer Morgan Wade, by playing her lover in one of her music videos.
And Australian actor Rebel Wilson came out last year at the age of 42 and told Radio hosts Kyle and Jackie O she always knew she wasn’t “100 per cent straight”.
Ms Harris, who is a creative for a not-for-profit and lives in Sydney with her young daughter, said because she had always been in heterosexual relationships previously, some found it harder to accept than if she had always been gay.
“Some people’s stance on it is almost like, ‘You’ve lived your story, you chose your path, you got married and had a child – and now you’re a lesbian? How is that possible? it must just be a phase?’,” Ms Harris said.
She said there was no manual on ‘how to come out’ and while, for the most part, people were incredibly supportive, others were cruel.
“There was gossip, terrible untrue rumours spread, and even direct personal attacks that I must be some unhinged deluded person for having the audacity to go from being straight to now being ‘gay’,” Ms Harris said.
“I was called derogatory names and personally verbally attacked at times, and that part of it was incredibly difficult.
“I couldn’t fathom how someone’s personal choices and sexual orientation could cause such unkindness.”
She said she understands how Bassingthwaighte, a mother of two who was married for 13 years, must have felt when she came out recently, resulting in a barrage of ugly messages on her social media feeds.
Ms Harris said the fear of judgement and ridicule can be overwhelming, but it must have been more so for someone like Bassingthwaighte who is in the public eye.
“You’re open to everyone and anyone having a strong opinion, and even some of the horrible homophobic comments I’ve read in articles about Natalie being in a relationship with a woman takes me back to those moments personally, and you just feel really exposed and a bit like a ‘freak’,” Ms Harris said.
“I truly feel for her because it can really take the joy out of something beautiful. It’s nerve wracking as it is, let alone having people make you feel like you’re doing something wrong or unnatural.”
The founder of an Australian Facebook support group for Late Bloomer Lesbians – who did not want to be named – pulled out of an interview for this article in the aftermath of Bassingthwaighte’s coming out, fearing the backlash could impact vulnerable members of the group, some of whom are still married, but are questioning their sexuality.
She said they had members who had come out in their 70s, but most came out in their 40s and 50s, and many had kids.
The reasons were varied. Some had suppressed their lesbian feelings and followed the path society expected of them; marriage and kids; while others had always felt heterosexual up until the point they began developing an attraction to a woman, or women in general.
Professor Lisa Diamond from Utah University studied 79 women who reported some same-sex attraction and, every two years, 20 to 30 per cent changed the way they described themselves – gay, straight, or bisexual.
She believes sexual identity can shift non-voluntarily for some women and said the reason for it might be that women’s minds and bodies change with age, and their circumstances and priorities shift.
“I think a lot of women, late in life, when they’re no longer worried about raising the kids, and when they’re looking back on their marriage and how satisfying it is, find an opportunity to take a second look at what they want and feel like,” she was said in one article.
Ms Harris said, in her case, she believes losing her father to suicide and the abrupt end to her marriage made her realise life really was too short to not be happy.
“You owe it to yourself to not hide parts of who you are in fear of others’ opinions,” Ms Harris said.
She said it was important for women who have been through these experiences to use their voice to help others who may be finding this a tricky time in their lives.
“For those who may be struggling with shame, living in secrecy or fear of judgment, we all deserve to live our truth because at the end of the day. If we don’t, all we will have is regret in the end.”
ScoMo lands surprise new role
Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison has landed a surprise new role in Australia’s budding space industry.
Coalition, US divides on Middle East ceasefire
A senior Coalition figure says it ‘wouldn’t be remarkable’ for it to disagree with the US’ calls for a ceasefire in the Middle East, with Labor jumping on the comments.