Why using tracking apps on your kids will break their trust in you
IT’S a fear shared by many parents — not knowing what your kids are up to when you’re not with them. And while installing tracking apps might sound tempting, parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson explains why they aren’t the best answer.
Lifestyle
Don't miss out on the headlines from Lifestyle. Followed categories will be added to My News.
Q I always worry about my kids’ safety when they’re not at home. I’m thinking about getting them to use a location tracker so I know they’re safe. What do you recommend?
LIFE 360. Find My Kids. Family Tracker — if you are the parent of a teen, chances are you’ve heard of one or all of these apps.
If you haven’t downloaded one yourself, some parents you know probably have.
Digital monitoring of our kids is becoming more common, especially when it comes to our teens.
Should we be tracking our children’s whereabouts? It makes sense. The tech exists.
We want our children to be safe.
Until the 1990s kids went outside to play. We rode bikes to the park and the school playground (before they were all fenced in).
We played with other kids.
Then we came home, usually around the time it got dark, or shortly before.
MORE FROM DR JUSTIN COULSON
DO I TELL ANOTHER PARENT THEIR CHILD IS SMOKING?
WHY TIME-OUTS ARE JUST AS BAD AS SMACKING
Then, in the 1990s, we freaked as the media ecosystem put missing kids in our faces.
A few tragic kidnappings created a hysteria about the way we watch our kids.
Today it’s rare to see tweens, or even young teens, unsupervised.
And if we do see them, we often judge them as being up to no good.
We stopped letting kids out to play. It makes very little sense.
Child abductions from non-biological/non-custodial adults are, and always have been, breathtakingly low. It’s very rare for stranger abductions to occur.
However, since the 1990s if there is not a responsible adult within sight of a child you could be charged with neglect.
In doing this, however, we are taking the ability to function independently from our kids.
And it is unfair, harmful, and slows their maturation. It’s simply not beneficial to our children’s development regardless of how well intentioned we are.
So does that mean these apps are a good thing? Might they lead to the return of kids and teens being allowed out to play, explore, and “be kids”?
I don’t think so.
And I don’t think they’re necessarily a good idea in most circumstances.
I believe monitoring your child’s whereabouts can do more harm than good, particularly with teens.
It’s harmful to the trust relationship. While tracking your teen’s location might give you a sense of security, it erodes trust.
A 16-year-old under constant surveillance can feel like her parents are “stalking” her, rather than looking out for her safety.
And the research is clear — when teens feel like their parents are invading their privacy, it harms their relationship and leads to more conflict and can lead to rebellion.
It gives a false sense of security.
Teens are savvy and chances are your teen understands technology a bit better than you do. Whatever app you download, your teen will be able to find a way around it if they want.
It took me one simple Google search to locate a bulletin board where teens described ways to “trick” a location app. It’s not hard to do at all, apparently.
Teens who resent being monitored can disable location features, leave phones with friends or even fake GPS locations.
And just because they are where they say they are, doesn’t mean they are doing what they should.
Monitoring your teens through location tracking might also give them a false sense of security. Instead of understanding they need to be responsible for their own safety, they may continue to rely on parents that they know are watching their every move.
The problem is this — even if we are watching, we cannot protect them from a distance.
The choices our kids make while away from us will have consequences that we can’t prevent from our couch. They must learn to make good decisions on their own.
Constant monitoring takes away opportunities to grow and develop and, worse, leaves them open to risks they might not otherwise take.
While the percentage of parents who track their teens remains relatively low, many more parents, citing safety concerns and peace of mind, believe it’s a good idea for younger kids.
There are not as many issues of trust with younger kids, but there are still issues of privacy to consider.
The Australian Privacy Foundation reminds us our devices are not really private.
Their makers are constantly collecting and selling your data (and your kids’ data).
And there is the small but worrying risk an attacker could take control of a device.
Security problems have been identified in some wearables that would allow attackers to get real-time and historical location data and personal details, even allowing them to contact children directly.
Before investing in any kind of wearable, you should consider where the data is stored and what happens to it in the long-term, and ensure there are no security risks.
While monitoring apps for your teens, and wearable devices for your younger children, may have some benefits, the downsides outweigh the pluses.
Better than monitoring is talking and teaching.
With teens, talk about risks, decision-making and trust.
Talk about expectations and consequences. With younger kids, teach them basics like how to cross the road, how to stay safe, and talk about “tricky people”.
Empower them to make safe, age-appropriate decisions.
Make sure you have open communication lines, rather than open location apps.