Science says this is the most popular day to dump someone
‘Tis the season for breakups
Give yourself time to heal and mend your broken heart by breaking up on this particular day, and avoid playing pretend during the holidays.
‘Twas two weeks before Christmas when Justine Vallata called it quits on her year-long relationship, eager to “rip the bandaid off” and deal with the heartbreak rather than faking it through the holiday season.
“For me, I love Christmas, it’s my favourite time of year, and I’m a big Christmas nerd,” she tells Body+Soul. “So I didn't want to be spending it with someone I'd decided wasn't right for me, and I didn't want him to spend Christmas away from his family either when I knew that a breakup was imminent.”
With the big day fast approaching, the then 23-year-old decided it was now or never, and ended her relationship on 11 December.
“I thought, I can’t do it any closer to Christmas, because that would be cruel,” she explains. “And I think the advantage of that window, two weeks prior to Christmas, is that there’s enough time for the heartache to sink in, the reality of the situation to sink in, and rational decisions to be made. Whereas I think if you break up with someone too close to Christmas, the emotions are still running so hot and high.”
World Break-Up Day
It turns out that Vallata isn’t the only one who thinks a fortnight out from Christmas is the ideal time to part ways. According to an analysis of Facebook status updates by Information Is Beautiful, 11 December is the most popular day to dump a date.
“I think the end of the year period, especially around December, is really make or break time for people because there are so many pressures around family events and nosy family members,” relationship therapist Selina Nguyen tells Body+Soul, adding that she always gets really busy and booked up during the last few months of the year.
“A lot of individuals and couples come in wanting to fix a lot of the relationship issues before all the Christmas parties and family events and trips away together, and really take inventory about what they want in their relationships and whether they are willing to put the work in.”
But should you stick by them during the holidays?
“I think it depends on what you have planned and the holidays and what are the things that you need to work through or put up with on the holiday break, when it comes to conversations with family members or arguments with your partner,” the relationship therapist explains. “Like is that the kind of thing that you want to be having or not having? Or would you rather just focus on yourself during the holidays? What are the needs that you're having and the wants as well?”
But she says there’s no right or wrong answer of when you should break up with someone around Christmas. “I think it’s really this question of, what do you want and is the relationship giving that to you now? Because it's not necessarily going to magically change over the holidays. It's just a matter of are you willing to put up with it for a few more weeks.”
Vallata, now 38, happily married and the founder of That’s The Spot, Australia’s first and only sex toy gifting emporium, says waiting until the new year to end things would have been cruel.
“I think you're better to rip the bandaid off and have the heartache a few weeks out from Christmas,” she claims. “I knew it wouldn’t feel good when the breakup happened, but I knew it would feel better than suffering through the holidays in something that didn’t feel right.”
Whether the relationship is on thin ice or you’re having serious doubts, Nguyen says the important part is to make a decision.
“I’ve worked with a lot of folks who stay in this limbo of ‘should we stay together or should we end things’ for a really long time, and I think it's incredibly painful for all involved,” she explains. “I always believe that the right choice is making a choice – whether that's making a commitment to staying in the relationship and working on it together, or a choice to end the relationship – because people can get so stuck in the inertia and the uncertainty of making a choice.”
Make sure to give yourself extra care
If you do opt to break up before Christmas day, the relationship therapist says it’s important to take extra special care of yourself.
“Do all the things that make you feel good, rediscover yourself, and lean on your people, but with the additional lens of the holiday period,” she explains. “So I would also prepare your boundaries for conversations with nosy family members or what you are willing to talk about and what you're not willing to talk about, and getting really clear with yourself around what support you may need from those around you.”
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Originally published as Science says this is the most popular day to dump someone
