Apparently men and women are getting physical attraction totally wrong

Our idea of beauty is so warped

If you’ve thought about changing your hair, makeup, clothes or even body to be more attractive to the opposite sex, you’re not alone. But according to new research, many of us have no clue about what men and women find attractive.

If you’ve ever backed out of a chance to walk up to, or even swipe on, a hot man because you ‘just know’ he wouldn’t be attracted to you, think again.

Most of us have a pretty clear idea in our heads of what the opposite sex finds attractive and all of the ways we don't fit that mould (thanks, years of social conditioning!)

Self-comparison and low self-esteem are the devil, and they can make dating pretty difficult. But according to new research, a lot of us are counting ourselves out of potential romantic pairings because we’re constantly (and wrongly) assuming what our crushes find attractive.

What we're getting wrong about attraction

Researchers from the University of St Andrews asked 153 heterosexual people to adjust 3D-modelled faces to look like theirs, then to tweak them to look like what they thought the opposite sex would be attracted to, before altering the face again to represent what they themselves would find the most attractive.

The study was recently published in PLOS One journal, and the findings confirm we really don’t understand the opposite sex at all.

Even though things like men’s dad bods and women’s thick eyebrows have been trending for the last few years, men and women still assume the opposite sex likes one very particular look.

The researchers wrote that “women overestimated the facial femininity that men prefer in a partner and men overestimated the facial masculinity that women prefer in a partner”.

Assuming most men are looking for a Barbie doll, and most women are looking for Chris Hemsworth, the research team found that “women exaggerate the thinness that men like and men exaggerate the muscularity that women like.”

Assuming most men are looking for a Barbie doll, and most women are looking for Chris Hemsworth, the research team found that “women exaggerate the thinness that men like and men exaggerate the muscularity that women like.” Image: iStock

Where are these ideas coming from?

Whether due to old stereotypes, media representation, self-esteem issues or something else entirely, it looks like a great deal of us are discounting ourselves, assuming we’re not attractive to the opposite sex.

While we know in theory that what’s attractive to one person could be wildly different from what’s attractive to another, years of seeing similar-looking models, actresses and crowned sex symbols who look shockingly similar can make this tricky to remember. 

And more recently, the rise and rise of ‘Instagram face’ has no doubt added more weight to our misguided beliefs.

St Andrews’ research team said the assumptions we’re all making about what men and women find attractive are concerning, as they suggest many of us aren’t happy with how we look as a result of unneccessary comparison. 

“In Western countries, the ideal female figure is thin while the ideal male figure is lean and muscular. The drive to attain an ideal body shape leads to unhealthy behaviour including excessive dieting to lose weight in women and use of anabolic steroids to develop muscles in men,” the researchers wrote. 

“These results indicate misperception of opposite-sex facial preferences and that mistaken perceptions may contribute to dissatisfaction with [one’s] own appearance.”

So let this be your sign to walk up to the ridiculously hot man at the bar, or swipe on the girl you automatically assume is out of your league on Hinge. You may be exactly their type, actually.

Originally published as Apparently men and women are getting physical attraction totally wrong