This is the one thing that's worse than being left on 'read'

Being left on 'delivered' also hurts

It can be distressing when messages are left unanswered. Image: Getty

There are few things more anxiety-inducing than having a text message you've sent to someone sit unopened while you wait by the phone. 

If you've ever sent a text message to ask someone on a date or to enquire why a person is mad at you, you'll know all too well that text anxiety is real.

What’s worse is when you can see a text is unopened thanks to the ‘read’ feature on our smartphones.

But it turns out there's something even more uncomfortable than being left on read - being left on delivered. 

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“People tend to have anxiety around things that are unknown, so when somebody has a lack of knowledge or they can't really understand the causes of whatever behaviour is happening, they're able to construct narratives in their head that are potentially negative,” Jess Carbino, a relationship expert and former sociologist at Tinder and Bumble, told Well+Good.

"You have the capacity to jump to conclusions that are not necessarily grounded in reality, but that can feel very real for you."

And so many of us have been there. You drop someone a message only to receive radio silence, or you’re hashing out an issue with a friend who isn’t as gung ho on the reply.

It can be pretty distressing and leave you wondering if you’ve said the wrong thing or leave you feeling like an idiot.

"If you're not responsive, it can look like a sign of disinterest or lack of intimacy, so it's fair to feel anxious about this," Carbino said.

A watched phone generally never dings. Image: Getty

It’s good to remember when you’re worked up in a state of distress, however, that the receiver could simply be busy with another task like working or socialising. 

But what if that message goes unopened for a whole 24 hours or even days? Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, told the publication that ‘ghosting’ is all too common these days.

"For many in modern dating, it’s easier to not respond than to send a difficult message that might be hurtful," she said. "They could be too scared or worried to hurt the other person’s feelings by overtly sending a rejection text."

For many in modern dating, it’s easier to not respond than to send a difficult message that might be hurtful. Image: Getty

What to do instead of sitting by the phone

Text your crush like they’re your friend

Ditch the romance and be straightforward, Adelle Kelleher, a relationship coach told Well+Good.

"The key is to text them like you're texting a friend,” because then it won’t hurt as much. We often text busy friends who we know haven’t discarded our friendship.

Keep yourself busy

"It's important to take that control, so you feel like you have more of a sense of agency and that you're not being left to the whims of others," Carbino suggested.

Ask yourself if they’re the one 

"Relationships are co-constructed and require both people to put in effort, so it’s important to notice this anxiety and see if the other person can put in their part to meet you in the middle," Romanoff explained.

Madeleine Kober, a master of sexology student agreed. She told Body+Soul to shift your focus if you’re receiving mixed messages.

“Instead of questioning why this is happening, or whether they like you or not, instead focus on how you feel as a result of this experience.

“If the answer is, ‘I don’t need this inconsistent communication’, then it’s time to decide if you want to tolerate it ongoing.”

Kober said acknowledging the red flag is a good reason to move on, for your own sanity.

Originally published as This is the one thing that's worse than being left on 'read'