The mums who swapped fulltime careers for parenthood

MOTHERS face many decisions when they have a baby but, for some, one thing is clear — they’ll be the full-time carer

Alice Telford, with Florence 10 months, is one of many women who are giving up fulltime careers to be stay-at-home mums. Picture: Justin Lloyd.

THEY’VE traded office meetings for mothers’ groups; early commutes for morning pram walks.

They’re the women who have turned their back on their careers for what they consider the greatest job of all — motherhood.

About 50 per cent of Australian women with a child under 12 months choose home over the workplace. That figure has been dropping steadily since the 1980s, and by the time children are five, only 38 per cent of mums are not in paid employment, according to Australian Bureau of Statistics figures.

“There are a number of factors that make it difficult for a mother to stay home after she starts a family even if she wants to,” says Jennifer Baxter, of the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS).

“There is financial pressure to return to work, their own personal satisfaction and desire to return and a host of other factors such as community expectations and a fear of losing a footing in the workplace or losing skills.

“But in other ways, it’s easier for women to choose an alternative to the workforce today. The way technology has gone, it means there are more opportunities for informal, home-based work that wasn’t there in the past, which means mothers are able to keep their hand in work while prioritising the care of their children.”

A paper released by the AIFS this year titled Parent-Only Care In Australia sheds light on why mums and dads opt to be sole carers of their children, a decision often questioned by society.

“Parent-only care was highly valued and prioritised by the participants; parenting was seen by many as their ‘job’ for the duration of their child’s early childhood,” the paper says.

BW Magazine spoke to three mothers who turned their backs on their careers when they started a family.

‘I FEEL LIKE I SOMETIMES HAVE TO DEFEND MY POSITION’

Alice Telford, 39, of Chiswick, had every intention of returning to her role as a marketing manager for a global fast food company. But she was unable to find a flexible arrangement to juggle her home and work life so she quit to stay home with one-year-old daughter, Florence. Alice and husband Adam are expecting their second child in March. She says:

“I was all about wanting to go back to work and took 10 months maternity leave when I was pregnant with every intention of returning after that period. I really loved my job and being able to problem solve was so satisfying.

However, when I started negotiating with my company to return, I found the flexibility they promoted wasn’t really there. I realised I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice that time with Florence for a less than suitable arrangement. All I had ever known was work, I had worked for 21 years and now all of a sudden I didn’t have a job in the traditional sense. I really had to give myself time to re-identify with who I was.

Having said that, I love being home with Florence, I absolutely love being able to watch her experience life, whether it’s a play in the park or a new food, it’s the everyday moments that I love the most. I’m so lucky that I am in a situation where I can experience that because I know that’s not a choice all mothers have. My own mother was a single mum who worked six days a week. But I think all mums do an amazing job based on the decisions they make to suit their families.

I feel like I sometimes have to defend my position with others. People will say things like ‘don’t you want to use your brain?’ but to me the more important question is ‘who do you want to raise your daughter?’ Everyone has their own important question, and it’s about being happy with your answer to that question.

My days are filled with morning walks and trips to the park, we love being outdoors. Of course there are also the less glamorous moments in the afternoons when I’m trying to get things done with Florence circling my legs.

But I don’t regret my decision, I wouldn’t change a moment of it.”

‘I LOVE BEING THERE FOR THE KIDS EVERY DAY’

Jacqui and Mark Buckley always intended one of them would stay home full time with their children when they started a family, which includes Hannah, 20, Imogen, 19, Macgregor, 15, and Jasmine, eight. Jacqui, 42, from the northern beaches, was happy to be the primary carer. She says:

“When we were talking about having kids, we agreed one of us would be at home full time with them. At that stage, Mark had the bigger earning potential so we decided I would stay home. I didn’t take maternity leave when I was pregnant with our eldest, Hannah — I left the workforce altogether.

Mark and I had that constant parent at home growing up and we wanted that for our own kids. When Hannah was around one, we moved to Hong Kong for three months for Mark’s work and after that we relocated to Melbourne and then Germany for four years. I did find it very isolating not knowing anyone and being home with young children in different locations.

We’ve been back in Sydney for four years now and we have a great life. Our eldest two have left home now and only Jasmine and Macgregor are at home, but I have decided I won’t go back to work until all of them have gone through school. I love being there for the kids every day. I love that I can take them for ice cream after school when I want to and go to their activities; Jasmine does gymnastics, netball and swimming. It’s those simple pleasures that I treasure sharing. I also volunteer at the school and the canteen and manage their netball and football teams, and I’m helping plan Hannah’s wedding, so life is busy.

One downside for us is that, in order to supplement my income, Mark works long hours and as a result he misses out on a lot of the kid stuff. Another issue that worries me a little is that if I had to return to the workforce, my skills are gone as I’ve been out of the workplace for 20 years. I know what we do is not for everyone, but it works for our family.”

‘THERE’S A LOT OF PRESSURE ON WOMEN TO RETURN TO WORK’

Dana Martin, 34, has spent her working life caring for other people’s children. So when the childcare worker started her own family, she decided it was time to focus on her own bub. Dana lives with husband Richard and their 10-week-old daughter, Charli, in Collaroy Plateau. She says:

“My decision to stay home with our daughter was dependent on Richard’s work. If it was viable for me to stay home, I really wanted to. Richard works hard so I can stay home with Charli. He’s happy for me to do that; we’re a bit old-school like that.

Working in child care and after-school care all my career, I’d see all the working parents who would complain about missing out on so much with their kids and they didn’t have the luxury to just stay home. I do have that luxury, so I’m taking it.

Having a background in child care, I also feel I can help Charli with a lot of the skills people send their children to child care for to foster their early development. I don’t plan to send Charli to child care until the year before she starts school, to prepare her for school. In terms of socialisation, a lot of my friends have young children — in fact my best friend had a baby two weeks before Charli was born — so she won’t miss out on any of that.

There are aspects of my job I miss, like the children and the families you become close with. But there are certainly some aspects I’m more than happy to leave behind.

I’m so happy to be able to spend my days uninterrupted with Charli, take her to things like swimming classes and watch her grow and interact — the same things I did with other people’s children before. There’s a lot of pressure on women to return to work after they have children, I saw it all the time. I have never been out of the workforce since I left school, and it plays on my mind a little that I may lose skills or the industry will change while I’m at home. But not enough to make me go back too soon.”