Plover, quokka or a lazy, cuddly koala: Which Aussie animal best sums you up?

Aussies come in many shapes and sizes – so what type are you?

Are you a lazy, cuddly koala? Picture: Zoos Victoria

G’day, Bush Barbie here. Now normally you’d be reading an article from that bird Nikki Osborne banging on about Karens, elections and politics.

However, this week I’m taking over the column so we can focus on the really important issues in society. I’m here to tell you what Aussie animal your star sign would be … are you ready? Yeah, nah, okay let’s start.

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Aquarius:Koala. Very likeable and cuddleable, but they’re also incredibly lazy and often have their heads in the clouds, which is why we’re always rescuing the poor bastards.

Pisces: Platypus. They love the water and are very well liked, but they’re slippery little suckers and no one knows what they’re thinking. Ask a Pisces a tough question and they’ll disappear into a puddle! Tell me I’m wrong … you can’t!

Aries:Croc. The most misunderstood of the Zodiac as they’re actually very soft. However, despite being given thousands of kilometres of their own space they’re still just really cranky aren’t they? Steve often used to say “crocs rule”. We all thought he meant because they’re cool. Nah, it’s because they’re dictators. If you try and tell a croc what to do they’ll just bite your arm off. Then eat your family.

Bush Barbie: Nikki Osborne

Taurus: Wombat. Although very cute and likeable, their favourite things are food and sexy time and like the wombat, a Taurus just eats, roots and leaves!

Gemini:Dingo. Very well groomed and sociable, and mostly well liked. Except don’t turn your back on them because they’ll bite you on the arse.

Cancer: Kookaburra. Up for a laugh, often at your expense. While charismatic they can be a little mean. If they don’t like you they’ll hang shit on you, but if you don’t like them they’ll fly off for a good cry!

Leo:Magpie. Always centre of attention, incredibly chatty with an obsession for shiny things. But if you mess with their family they will hunt you down, swoop you and claw your eyes out!

Virgo:The nest rat. Like a Virgo, these cute rodents are obsessed with having the biggest, nicest nest which they make everybody live in so long as they’re in charge. If this animal could write a to-do list, it would.

Libra: Quokka. So lovely, endearing, friendly to everyone … but their immediate family. Some quokkas neglect their family to please others. Mother quokka.

Scorpio:Echidna. Like an echidna, Scorpios are always on the move and perpetual loners. They’re incredibly focused on the task at hand but if you try and get close to an echidna they can be little pricks.

Sagittarius: Plovers. They’re up for a good time not a long time because they like to live life on the edge … of a freeway, True to form they will not break their routine despite the danger, often putting themselves and their kids in precarious locations.

Capricorn: Emu. Fast, efficient and likes to stand out from the crowd, but don’t stand in the way of their mission because they will run right over you. Why? Because they literally can’t go backwards.

Originally published as Plover, quokka or a lazy, cuddly koala: Which Aussie animal best sums you up?