A baby when her father died, Mia Fevola ‘sat in her rocker oblivious to the devastation’

Alex Fevola told daughter Mia her biological father had died after falling from a tree to protect her from the heartbreaking truth. But when Mia turned 18, Alex’s story started to come undone. Here are extracts from Alex’s new book Silver Linings

Alex and Brendan Fevola with their kids Leni, Tobi, Mia and Lulu. Picture: Nicki Connolly

Alex Fevola has revealed the painful secret she kept from her daughter Mia for 18 years.

In an exclusive interview with the Saturday Herald Sun, Ms Fevola, has detailed how she told Mia her biological father had died after falling from a tree.

Alex, partner of former Carlton champion Brendan Fevola said the truth was that Mia’s father died from suicide four weeks and four days after she was born and “Fev” has raised Mia, and is the only father figure she can remember.

In the interview coinciding with the launch of her book Silver Linings — detailing the heartache and joys of her life — Ms Fevola told the Saturday Herald Sun she had always dreaded the day she would have to tell her daughter the complete truth about her father Lonny.

“From being very little she always knew that her biological father had passed away,’’ Ms Fevola said.

“There was never a defining moment where she was told, I made sure she knew that growing up from a baby. I just didn’t give her all the details, I didn’t tell her it was suicide until she was a bit older.

“I told her that he died and he fell out of a tree. So when she was little that’s what she thought happened.

“When she would get older I would disclose more information but as a little child I didn’t tell her it was suicide because I didn’t want her to process that at such a young age.”

Mia was about 15 or 16 when she started to ask more questions about her dad.

“It wasn’t until about she was 18 or 19 that I told her the real story,’’ Alex said.

“I just wanted to make sure she was over those vulnerable teenage years. That can be a tough time and I wanted her to be emotionally mature to be able to process the whole story.

“Thankfully she never really went into great detail with her questions so it made it easier. Had she been more inquisitive younger, it would have been different but I was lucky we didn’t have to have that conversation when she was too young.

“Because she’d been given bits of information over a long period of time it was easier for her to process because she already knew the majority of the story.

“Having the full picture and a greater understanding as an adult was a lot easier for her to understand.”

Alex admits it’s daunting to reveal her most vulnerable times in her book, Silver Linings, extracts of which appear today in V Weekend magazine.

“I keep having the revelation that it’s actually going to be out there and it’s confronting,’’ Alex said.

“I hope there’s people who will get some sort of sense of comfort or feel a little bit less alone if it’s something they can relate to. Just as women in general sharing our stories is really powerful and it’s how we connect and as I’ve got older I’ve really realised that.”

Alex also reveals she nearly died shortly after Lonny’s passing. She haemorrhaged and needed emergency surgery which saved her life.

Alex was only 22, Mia’s age now, when she gave birth. Now 44 and with four daughters, she feels it’s the right time to talk about her difficult times.

She says Brendan often takes Mia to visit the grave of Lonny, and they remember him on the occasions of his death and birthday.

Mum and daughter Alex and Mia Fevola. Picture: Alex Coppel.

“For her, as awful as it is, Brendan has always been there for her and supported her so she hasn’t felt like someone who hasn’t had a Dad,’’ Alex said.

“She’s always had a father figure and she’s always known from early on that Brendan wasn’t her biological father. I always made sure she knew from being a baby that her biological father was Lonny and she’s always known about him and we’ve always taken her to visit his grave and she’s fully aware he’s been in existence her whole life.”

The Fevolas are a tight family unit and as Mia’s profile has grown, so has her parents’ protective instincts.

Alex says after being diagnosed with coeliac disease last year, Mia was able to start growing in confidence, eating better and feeling more healthy.

While most people are supportive of her growing business and model career, there’s the personal side and her dating of footballers which has become a talking point and attracted bullies.

“We judge women on things we don’t judge men on,’’ Alex said.

“It’s ridiculous the double standards. We’ve had a lot of progression in that area but it still exists.

“With Mia I feel like women are supporting each other a lot more but a lot of that hate and judgement was coming from men. How can someone be so mad and angry at someone they don’t know? It’s absurd.

“There’s a lot of haters out there. As I said to Mia you’ve always got to remember there’s so many people who are supportive and she’s been showered by messages of support from people and that’s what she’s got to focus on. These people have got sad lives and are full of darkness so it’s not about you.”

“I went through it a lot when Brendan and I were younger. We used to get smashed with a lot of articles and I just felt like why are you doing this to me? With Mia it’s even worse when it’s your kid because it’s horrible.

“Everyone seems to get it. If in any way you have a profile publicly you’ve got to expect that will happen.”

Alex and former AFL star Brendan have experienced their own share of ups and downs. There was a time when he was rarely out of the headlines for his behaviour, gambling or mealth health issues.

He was traded from Carlton to Brisbane and in 2014 their marriage fell apart and they divorced.

Alex touches on this time in the book, saying the separation ultimately saved their relationship.

They got back together and are engaged again now, but she says it never would have happened if they hadn’t had a clean break.

“So many women contact me saying, ‘how have you been able to get back together, how do you not relive all the things that have happened and how do you get over it?’’ she said.

“I didn’t just stay with him and get over it. It took for us to get divorced and live independently and live separate lives to be able to emotionally move on.

“If I’d stayed and tried to make it work I think that resentment would have continued to build.

“We both needed to live apart and really work out what was important. When you choose to get back together after that it’s purely by choice. We both had the opportunity of being on our own but we were happy to get back together. “

“There were numerous break ups and we did break up a couple of times before finally getting a divorce. That was what we needed.

“We’ve been through a lot but that’s why we’re very grateful to be where we’re at. It hasn’t always been easy, we’ve lost a lot both financially and emotionally, and that’s why we’re grateful for what we have now, our careers and kids.”

Brendan Fevola with daughter Mia, 4.

Alex has gone on to create a business empire with Runway Room and Brendan has forged a strong career as a radio host on FOX FM breakfast.

“For me, ending up a single parent, all the stuff I went through, hopefully it’ll help others and explain our situation a bit more,’’ Alex said.

“It was absolutely horrific what happened when I was young, there’s no way of sugar coating it. It was a terrible time in my life and it was something that did shape me. Going through so much definitely did have an effect on me later on in my life, being through so much at a young age, I think if it had happened when I was older it was may have been a different story.

“Maybe you’re a bit more resilient when you’re younger.

“I hadn’t even lost a grandparent or experienced death at all so it was a real shock and extremely hard to come to terms with at that age. It was such a feeling of disbelief — like how can this be real. So many times you’d find yourself not being really able to comprehend what was going on.

“Particularly I want younger to people to know bad things happen and it’s a cliché but the bad times make the good times better and you can recognise when things are great.”

Silver Linings book extract

When I woke up, I was somewhat disorientated.

“Oh God, what time is it? Where am I?”

I leaned over and reached for the clock. It was 6am on the dot. The date was 18 February 2000.

Mia needed her morning feed. “Hang on, baby, I’m getting your bottle,” I called out from the kitchen as Mia murmured in her portacot. As I waited for the kettle to boil, I wondered whether Lonny would have left for work yet. I wondered how long he had kept drinking and what state he would be in. He’s probably got a terrible hangover, I thought as I made Mia’s bottle. I wonder if he regrets last night. Is he worried about us and wondering where we are?

I contemplated packing up and going home right then. I peered through the blinds to see dawn just breaking, the sky deep purple, and the birds were just starting their morning chorus. Too early and too cold for a newborn baby.

Quietly I slipped back into my sister’s spare bedroom and snuggled up to Mia as she drank her bottle.

I must have drifted back off for an hour or so. “Al, do you want some toast?’ Zoe called out.

“Yes, please. I’m just changing Mia’s nappy and then I will join you,” I replied through a yawn.

Alex and Mia Fevola. Picture: Instagram

I was exhausted. My eyes were heavy and I felt generally unwell. People kept reassuring me it was due to hormones, but my instincts had been prodding me late in my pregnancy and continued after the birth. I’d hoped the dread would be gone after the birth, but it wasn’t.

I had a strong feeling that something was very wrong in my world, that something really bad was going to happen. It was a feeling that I just couldn’t shake.

It had first come over me a couple of months earlier, on New Year’s Eve 1999, just two and a half weeks before the birth. I had gone to a friend’s place for a barbecue with Lonny. I was nine months pregnant, feeling rather ordinary in many ways, but as I watched everyone drinking and laughing this overwhelming feeling of dread flooded over me.

It was adark feelingthat I couldn’t explain. I had never felt it before, but I knew that the new millennium was not going to bring happiness for me. Everyone was talking about the Y2K bug and predicting all kinds of problems, computers shutting down by themselves, dates reverting to the previous century, but my fear was closer to home.

I realised when writing this book that the Carlton v Collingwood game that was on at the barbecue was the millennium game, in which a young Brendan Fevola kicked 12 goals. As I sat there pregnant with Mia, little did I know that my future husband was right in front of my eyes! I didn’t remember the game but I know the footy was on as I remember Lonny, a staunch Pies supporter, watching. It’s so bizarre to think about what was about to unfold.

Lonny would never have known that the young footballer playing for the Blues would raise his daughter. It gives me chills thinking about it now.

I voiced my concerns about this feeling of dread and those close to me shrugged it off as normal feelings to have before you give birth. All new mums are scared of the unknown, I was told. But I knew that it was something more sinister; it was most definitely a premonition.

Alex Fevola with Mia when she was a baby.

“Your toast is ready,” Zoe called from the kitchen. I shuffled out still in my pyjamas, settled Mia in her rocker and sat on the couch. As I took my first sip of tea, the house phone rang and I felt my heart skip a beat as Zoe picked it up. It was 7.45 am — a bit early for the phone to be ringing, I thought.

“Hello,” she said. Her facial expression didn’t change; there was just a slight flush of pink in her cheeks. “What?’ she snapped. “Right, OK.”

She hung up the phone. That was the extent of the conversation. Yet I knew something was very wrong. She turned to me with a look of horror on her face. “What?” I yelled in desperation. “Al, please be calm,’ she said as she sat down beside me and took hold of my hands. “I need you to try and stay calm, OK?”

“What? Tell me, what’s wrong?’ I said in a fearful and panicked voice. My whole body was shaking, my heart pounding; my premonition was coming true. Before she’d said a word, I knew something truly awful had happened. I felt it. I knew it was Lonny.

“Lonny has hung himself.”

She said it in the calmest voice she could muster. At that moment the bottom fell out of my world. It felt like my heart had stopped beating, as if every last bit of air had been sucked out of my lungs.

I was winded. I couldn’t catch my breath. It was just like when I’d fallen from a horse in the past: a shock, and then the air is sucked right out of you. Then came a bloodcurdling scream. “He’s not dead, though, is he? Where is he? Is he in hospital? Tell me he’s not dead,” I frantically begged. “Please tell me he’s not dead.”

Lonny with baby Mia, who was just a month old when he took his own life.

She just looked at me with such sorrow and burst into tears. “No, no, he’s not dead, please, God, no,” I shrieked over and over in a voice that seemed to come from the pit of my stomach. It was almost primal, echoing through the house. I had lost all control. I was screaming and moaning. Zoe paced up and down in a panic, not knowing what to do.

“Alex, please calm down, you are scaring me.” But there was no controlling my pain, shock and utter devastation.

All the while, this little angel sat in her rocker oblivious to the devastation surrounding her. She made not a peep, not even a whimper. She just sat peacefully unaware of her great loss.

Four weeks and four days is all she had with her father, and now she faced a lifetime without him. It just didn’t seem real. It was so cruel to take so much from her. All kinds of thoughts rushed through my head. How would I explain this to her? Because one day I would have to.

PART TWO: TROLLS AND BULLIES

There are a lot of things in this book that I haven’t talked about publicly before; I wanted to protect my children and to avoid them having to deal with questions from other children.

I didn’t want Mia to know all of the details about her biological father when she was an innocent little girl. I didn’t want her childhood marred by dark thoughts around her father’s death. She shouldn’t have to feel different from the other kids; she shouldn’t have that vision of her father and how he had died.

I also didn’t want my other children to look at Mia any differently or have to deal with what happened. It was just something I didn’t think was fair to burden little kids with. So, I didn’t allow it. This meant keeping this part of my life private until they were all old enough to know the full story.

Leni, 15, Brendan, Alex, Tobi, 3, Mia, 22 and Lulu, 12. Picture: Nicki Connolly

I was able to keep it this way until Mia was 18 years old but, unfortunately, once the media began referring to Mia as Brendan’s stepdaughter, the questions started.

Leni came home from school one day and called me into her room. She said, “Mum, the kids at school were saying Mia wasn’t my real sister.” The look of confusion and worry on her little face broke my heart. I knew the day had come and it was time to explain the full story.

I explained, “of course she’s your real sister. What they mean is she had a different biological father. Although dad has raised Mia all her life, he isn’t her biological father”.

I burst into tears and told Leni about Lonny and what had happened. She was incredibly mature and understanding.

Lulu overheard us talking, and she was also unbelievably mature about it. I was so proud of all my daughters, of their compassion and understanding. It was at this point that I explained the whole story of how Lonny had died.

Brendan Fevola with Mia, aged four, ‘is and always has been her dad’.

It was probably more of a shock to Leni and Lulu than Mia because nothing had ever really been discussed with them, whereas Mia knew all along about her biological father.

At first, I had told Mia that he had fallen from a tree and died, which was essentially not a lie, just not the whole story. I broke it to her over a period of time, slowly introducing more details, so that it wasn’t a big shock to her.

I was very lucky that people in the media who did know about Mia’s biological father had been compassionate enough not to write about it. In fact, while Mia was a child, they always referred to her as Brendan’s daughter.

I was so grateful for this because, although some of the media had been very unfair to our family at times, they had respected that. I did, however, notice an instant change once Mia became an adult. Suddenly, some media outlets were referring to Mia as “Brendan’s stepdaughter”, or “Alex’s daughter from a previous relationship”. It was hard for Mia because she would receive messages from strangers asking why she’d lied, why she tells people that Brendan is her dad.

Of course, this was never Mia’s decision; it was mine. Also, Brendan is Mia’s dad. A dad is the person who raises you, who loves and protects you, who provides for you.

He’s the one who is there to witness all of your milestones, cheering you on with pride in his heart. Lonny is Mia’s biological father and that will never change, and she will cherish him in her own way forever, but Brendan is and always has been her dad.

Originally published as A baby when her father died, Mia Fevola ‘sat in her rocker oblivious to the devastation’