Phoebe Burgess: ‘Being trapped in motherhood saved my life’

Eighteen months after her messy public split from former NRL player Sam Burgess, Phoebe Burgess opens up for the first time about living back home with her parents and how she is rebuilding a “beautiful new life” for her and her children.

Most days, Phoebe Burgess will venture on to the grounds of her parents’ NSW Southern Highlands estate, where she lives with her daughter Poppy, 4, and son Billy, 2, to pick wild roses or tend to the vegetable garden. Poppy loves to pick tomatoes as they’re one of her mother’s favourites – especially when teamed with burrata – so, together, they seek out the ripest ones.

As Burgess explains this tiny but important ritual to Stellar, she admits that while it may sound like a cliché, the past 18 months have made it clear to her that finding the joy in these simple moments is what really matters right now.

“When things happen that shake you to your core, you see what’s important,” she says. “I know this sounds really silly, and a bit organic, but seeing your children complete a task from start to finish is really beautiful.”

“I never thought I’d be living with my parents at 32. But I feel blessed and grateful.” (Picture: David Mandelberg)

Burgess credits the stunning grounds that appear in her photo shoot for Stellar – in which she features alongside Poppy, Billy, her mother Sarah Hooke and her sisters Jemima Fairbanks and Harriet Hooke – as her saviour.

The 32-year-old journalist and influencer originally retreated to Bowral, a 90-minute drive south of Sydney, after her ugly separation from husband and former NRL poster boy Sam Burgess at the end of 2019.

Given the property is shielded by a perimeter of tall trees, it offered her added protection from the paparazzi. The people who are often inside – including her mum, father Mitchell Hooke and two sisters – bolstered her feeling of safety as they provided strength and support.

“This wasn’t a grand plan. I didn’t know I’d be moving down here,” says Burgess, as she cradles the latest addition to her brood, a dachshund named Banjo.

“I came here to seek refuge, to take a breath, pause, and step back and look in on my life. It might have been temporary but it’s developed into a beautiful little life here. It’s idyllic in the sense I’ve been able to offer the children what I had growing up, which has always been my goal.”

“This place and the people in it have saved me in more ways than one.” (Picture: David Mandelberg)

For close to 18 months, Burgess remained inside the family compound as she raised her small family. During that time, The Australian released an explosive exposé into the private life of her former South Sydney Rabbitohs captain husband, which included alleged claims of domestic violence and drug use. He’s denied the allegations and hasn’t been charged over the claims.

While the former Seven Network producer says she’s still not in a place to look back and talk about that period of her life – “I’m still in the haze” – she will say that the help of her family and talks with a psychologist have helped her move beyond survival mode.

“A lot of pain, a lot of trauma, a lot of ugly stuff changes you but I was able to completely envelop myself with my family, who loved me and cared for me,” she says now. “This place and the people in it have saved me in more ways than one.”

That isn’t to say there aren’t reminders of her former life around nearly every turn of the house and garden. Burgess famously married her sports star ex on these grounds in December 2015, and there’s even a row of canopied trees between two horse paddocks that’s been dubbed “wedding avenue”, the result of planting the shrubs that were centrepieces on the tables at their reception.

“It sounds awful but being trapped in motherhood and being trapped in responsibility has saved my life.” (Picture: David Mandelberg)

“What I will say,” Burgess tells Stellar, “is that every memory I have here is a happy one. Even when things have been really sh*t, it’s a good memory because it happened. I was very much in love on my wedding day and I’ll never forget my dad walking me down the aisle. And I’ll never forget how beautiful it was.”

Now Burgess is determined to create more happy memories with her family, admitting that she can’t even mention her children’s names without shedding a tear, such is the role they play in her life.

“Motherhood is something I took for granted for so long. I mean, some days it was a real inconvenience,” she says.

“But in the past 18 months, it’s literally been everything. It’s why I’m here. It’s why I haven’t checked out. I have days when I want to give up and fall apart and I just want to break; I want to go to sleep and not wake up for a while, for everything to stop, but you can’t.

“I have days when I want to give up and fall apart and I just want to break.” (Picture: David Mandelberg)

“It sounds awful but being trapped in motherhood and being trapped in responsibility has saved my life. [My children] are my purpose, and when you have that purpose nothing can drag you away from them. And I’m really proud that through the loss and grief, they’ve never felt it. They’ve been so loved and I don’t think they ever felt anything was taken from them.”

Sarah Hooke tells Stellar that she’s in awe of her middle daughter’s resilience, as well as her dedication to her children. “Every day she gets up and gets on with life. She’s got this amazing inner strength that blows us all away,” she explains.

“She’s become so strong and independent as she’s been taking on all the things of being a single parent. I mean, we knew she was strong but no-one should have to go through what she’s been through.”

Hooke adds that while her family has always been a tightly knit unit, having her daughter and grandchildren at home has only brought them closer. “Out of dreadful things come wonderful things,” she says.

Phoebe Burgess and her sisters star on the cover of this Sunday’s Stellar.

“I’m watching two little grandchildren grow up. We’ve just knuckled in and looked after each other, because in a family if one hurts, you all hurt.”

When asked what she hopes her future holds, Burgess shies away from announcing any grand plans. “I’ve always rushed my life. I’ve had a baby and rushed to get back to work. I remember rushing family holidays to get back to work at Seven because I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. But everything that’s happened has forced me to take an extended deep breath.

“People say to me, are you dating yet? And I think, well, my daughter sleeps in my bed and I live with my parents,” she says. “Back in the day, if I’d thought I’d be living with my parents at 32, I’d have gone, ‘What happened?’ But I don’t think like that. I think it’s amazing. I feel blessed and grateful.”