Ellie Goulding: ‘I numb myself to everything’

Ellie Goulding has opened up about her battle with anxiety and how, at its worst, she doesn’t ‘feel things’ at all.

Stellar: It’s been a minute since you were last in Australia to perform and meet your fans. You were here in 2016 for your world tour, and you also hosted a workout class as part of a fitness event.

Ellie Goulding: That was way before the world changed. It felt like everything was a lot more simple then; it was the good old days! I have really fond memories of those days because it was really simple. It was like pre-baby, pre-many complicated situations, lots of things. And it was just nice and it was fresh. Running [for fitness] was such a good way to… honestly, I owe it to that to staying sort of relatively sane, I suppose. Well, who wants to be sane? Sane is boring. But also, I think you have to be a bit mad to cope with the strange realities these days.

S: You’re headlining the Art For All concert this week to celebrate the opening of the Art Gallery of New South Wales’ new building expansion. Are you excited?

EG: It’s really exciting. My last album [2020’s Brightest Blue] was sort of like my little piece of art, and I get to perform some songs from that. I didn’t get to go on tour with it, so it’s kind of bittersweet; it would have been nice to get it out on the road. This is my little version of that.

Ellie Goulding: ‘Art can bring something positive out of you, especially if you rediscover an artist you love, someone who really talks to you.’ Picture: Madison Phipps

S: What is touring like for you – is it a big production?

EG: Yeah, it is kind of hard. I need time to figure out touring and stuff because, as you said, it’s a changed world, and I want to figure out the best way to tour that is most efficient, the least taxing on the environment and also less complicated. I just want simplicity. So it means I need to have really clever people around me who can do these epic bits of technology and also try to make it as green as possible. I am really trying to get it right. My dream would be to tour all year long. I love touring, and if I could just come home every now and then, I’d be happy, honestly.

S: It can’t be that easy with a little one – you and your husband, Caspar Jopling, have a son, Arthur, who is only 19 months old.

EG: No, it is not. My God, no. If he can come with me, that would be ideal. I don’t think that he can, though, because he is going to be in nursery.

S: Your husband is actually an art dealer, so you share a passion. Can you talk a bit about that?

EG: My passion for art was always [that] I saw something I loved. And I didn’t necessarily know I had a specific taste in art other than that I liked stuff that was quite twisted. I loved shipwrecks and anatomical stuff like skeletons. I had dark taste; I was a bit of a rocker, kind of grunge when I was a teenager, so it kind of made sense. That was a lot of the imagery on my favourite bands’ albums. Maybe I was inspired by that. I started looking into art a bit more, and understanding why [certain] pieces would sell for millions and millions of pounds and why some art didn’t. I’m always learning as I go. I love to go to galleries and see as much as I can. You might not necessarily be “into art” but you might suddenly see something that really grips you and you don’t know why – and that could start your passion for art.

Ellie Goulding features in this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Todd Barry for Stellar

S: Art and music are clearly linked for you, and they complement each other. Do you see it that way?

EG: Opening yourself up to art, whether you know it or not, expands your mind and allows you to interpret music and hear it in a different way. I get such chronic anxiety that in the rare moments I don’t have anxiety, I feel so happy and full of joy that I’m not having it. Suddenly

it just opens my brain up and everything is great. I hear songs and they really inspire me. And if I am in an anxious state, I don’t feel things. I numb myself to everything. But art can bring something positive out of you, especially if you rediscover an artist you love, someone who really talks to you. I think with any kind of art form, writing and paintings or whatever else, all of that stuff helps with songwriting and creativity. I think we do it less and less now, and generally as humans we are getting a bit more down in the dumps than usual because we are stuck on our phones and neglecting nature a bit – all of the things that we are innately connected to. And I think art is one of those things that can bring you back to that [connection].

S: Your fifth studio album Higher Than Heaven is slated for a February release. What can you tell us about it?

EG: I don’t know whether I am downplaying it or reducing it, but to me this is just like a solid pop album and I loved recording it, I loved the simplicity of just being with the people I love [and] writing it. No self-indulgence whatsoever, which could have been really tempting in lockdown – [to] talk about how depressing it was. But these songs… we were all in the mood to just have a dance. So it just ended up being euphoric.

Ellie Goulding headlines the Art For All concert in The Domain in Sydney this Saturday. For tickets, visit artgallery.nsw.gov.au.