Joe Hildebrand: Why Celebrity Apprentice Australia makes me miss Trump

Celebrity Apprentice Australia would look very different if it was hosted by Donald Trump instead of Alan Sugar, writes Joe Hildebrand.

There is something inherently terrifying about the concept of The Apprentice.

When you witness the horrors perpetuated on other reality TV shows you can at least reassure yourself that if you ever saw a contestant in the real world you could simply cross the street or use the next toilet cubicle.

But The Apprentice raises the far more bone-chilling prospect that you might end up working for one of them. And Celebrity Apprentice raises the prospect you might end up working for
one of them and providing advice on which Instagram filter to use. For this reason I always liked the UK version with Alan Sugar over the US version with Donald Trump. The British cast contained a fair quota of wankers but at least they were recognisable as the same species. Half the US contestants looked like the sort of people who would hack you to pieces with a butterknife while complaining about disrespect.

Daily Telegraph columnist Joe Hildebrand.

And it was homely. While Trump had his golden towers and private helicopters, Sugar appeared to operate out of the kind of business park you drive past when you’re not quite sure what suburb you’re in.

So, too, is Celebrity Apprentice Australia, in which the curmudgeonly Lord Sugar has mastered the “you’re so stupid it’s hurting my brain” look. Indeed, on Monday night’s show several of his facial expressions suggested he regretted ever coming out of quarantine.

And so when losing project manager Camilla Franks put on the chopping block not just her worst performer Rob Shehadie but her best performer Ross Noble it looked for one enticing moment like Lord Sugar was about to have a stroke live on air.

It was a decision so petty and idiotic that everyone assumed Franks had unwittingly thrust herself into the firing line. It was the perfect set-up for the surprise kill and yet for some reason Sugar missed this giant floating target and simply dismissed Shehadie.

By contrast Trump would have instinctively said “You’re fired!” before his brain even knew what his mouth was doing.

Man I miss that guy.

Joe Hildebrand is on 2GB Nights with John Stanley on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8pm