Do you have a sex addiction? Here's what to look out for

10 red flags that you might have a problem

Obsessed with sex? Can’t stop thinking about when you’ll next get off? Experts say problematic sexual behaviours are far more common than we think but the secrecy surrounding sex addition means people are struggling in silence.

When is too much of a good thing a bad thing? When it comes to sex addiction, or compulsive sexual behaviour, it’s when your passion for passion leads to an inability to control sexual thoughts, urges or behaviours, regardless of the consequences. 

It doesn’t even have to involve penetration and can manifest in various forms including compulsive masturbation, use of pornography and frequent sexual encounters with multiple people. 

“Sex addiction is more common than typically recognised, though exact prevalence rates are hard to determine due to stigma and underreporting,” Lee Hawker, the clinical director of The Cabin Chiang Mai, an addiction treatment centre in Thailand, tells Body+Soul. “[However] some estimates suggest that between three and six per cent of the population may exhibit problematic sexual behaviours.”

He adds that sex addition is rarely discussed for several reasons beyond stigma and shame. 

“There’s a common misconception that individuals with sex addiction are simply indulging in immoral or hedonistic behaviour, leading to judgment rather than empathy. While some people may not recognise the signs of sex addiction or understand that it is a legitimate mental health issue, which hinders broader discussion.” 

But how much is too much? 

Unfortunately there’s no specific number that signals a problem. 

“Sex addiction is difficult to quantify purely in terms of frequency,” says the clinical director. “It isn't necessarily defined by how many times someone engages in sex or sexual activities per week, but by the lack of control, compulsion, and the emotional or psychological consequences that follow.”

For instance, someone may have sex multiple times a week but they can stop when they want to and their sexual behaviour won’t have any negative imacts on their life. 

“On the other hand, even if someone engages in sexual behaviour infrequently, but it causes distress, is used to escape emotional pain, or leads to compulsive thoughts and feelings, it might indicate addiction,” Hawker explains. “The critical factor is the degree to which sexual thoughts and behaviours dominate one's life and interfere with daily functioning or emotional well-being.”

So what are the warning signs to look out for?

With no clear line drawn on what it means to have a sex addiction, Hawker says there are many red flags we can look out for instead. 

“Understanding and recognising these signs is crucial for early intervention and effective treatment” says Lee. “Psychotherapeutic support, such as that offered by The Cabin, focuses on exploring the emotional roots of the behaviour and developing healthier coping strategies. 

“And remember, it's important to seek help if you or someone you know is struggling with sex addiction. There is hope for recovery, and the right professional support can provide the tools and guidance needed to overcome this challenging issue.”

#1. A preoccupation and obsession

Constantly thinking about sex or sexual activities, to the point where it distracts from daily life, or a reoccupation with pornography or sexual fantasies that interfere with work, relationships, or personal responsibilities.

#2. A loss of control

“An inability to stop or cut down sexual activities, despite repeated attempts, or feeling compelled to engage in sexual behaviour even when it leads to negative consequences, such as relationship breakdowns, job loss, or emotional distress.

#3. An escalation

“Needing to engage in increasingly risky or extreme sexual behaviour to achieve the same level of satisfaction (similar to building tolerance in substance addiction), and engaging in more frequent sexual encounters or seeking more intense sexual experiences to feel satisfied.

#4. Using sex as an escape

“Turning to sexual activities to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or boredom, or using sex to escape from painful emotions or unresolved trauma rather than addressing the underlying issues.

#5. Negative impact on relationships

Experiencing conflicts with a partner or spouse due to secretive or compulsive sexual behaviour, or choosing sexual activities over spending time with loved ones, friends, or engaging in other fulfilling activities.

#6. Interference with daily life

“Skipping work, missing deadlines, or avoiding social commitments to engage in sexual behaviours, or neglecting personal hygiene, responsibilities, or health because of a preoccupation with sex.

#7. Secrecy and guilt

Feeling ashamed, guilty, or remorseful after engaging in sexual activities but being unable to stop, or hiding sexual activities from a partner, friends, or family out of fear of judgment or rejection.

#8. Risky behaviour

Engaging in unsafe sexual practices, such as unprotected sex, with multiple partners, or using sex workers, having anonymous encounters, or engaging in public or high-risk sexual situations despite the potential for legal or personal consequences.

#9. Financial impact

Spending excessive money on pornography, OnlyFans subscriptions, sex workers, or other sexually related services to the point that it causes financial strain.

#10. Emotional instability

Mood swings or emotional distress tied to sexual activities, like feeling euphoric before the act, then crashing into shame or regret afterward, or depression or anxiety worsening in the absence of sexual engagement.

Originally published as Do you have a sex addiction? Here's what to look out for