‘Messy’ reason Abbie Chatfield and Konrad Bien-Stephen have likely split

Abbie Chatfield and her partner Konrad Bien-Stephen have allegedly split from their open relationship – and it’s obvious to see why.

OPINION

Abbie Chatfield and her partner Konrad Bien-Stephen, who are in an open relationship, have allegedly split after 10 months together. And if the rumours turn out to be accurate, I can’t say I’d be surprised. Open relationships are messy, complicated and hard to sustain.

I am obviously very aware that for some people, open relationships work, so if you’re one of the few that can hold a relationship down that involves numerous other people becoming involved, more power to you!

But according to relationship expert Neil Wilkie multiple studies have found that 92 per cent of open marriages fail. So, the odds aren’t in your favour.

Realistically, it makes sense. Sleeping with other people naturally creates complications; from balancing your time, dodging catching feelings and walking that fine line of enjoying the benefits of having an open relationship without betraying your primary partner. It is a real bloody tight rope!

Abbie Chatfield released this statement on Instagram as rumours about a split from Konrad Bien-Stephen swirled. Picture: Instagram.

Abbie Chatfield has been dating Konrad Bien-Stephen for 10 months and they also see other people. Picture: Instagram.

I know Chatfield has spoken about how for her, it’s her “kink,” but she’s also shared that Bien-Stephen has asked her not to sleep with exes, to which she agreed. She also shared that she doesn’t care either way.

So, what does that tell us? They both have very different boundaries, which means that despite their progressive relationship stance, they are constantly trying to find a middle ground. Throw in some random hook-ups, and it is a recipe for complications.

During a stint when I was dating quite manically, I went out with a guy who was in an open relationship. He made it sound very modern and cool. He said cool things like, “monogamy is just a social construct,” and “what I have with my main partner overrides my sexual needs!”

It all sounded very grown-up and evolved, and I wasn’t looking for anything serious, so why not? Plus, I had read Eat, Pray, Love and couldn’t afford to go traipsing around Europe, so this was the budget version of finding myself.

However, I found the reality of an open relationship much more awkward and clunky. He and his partner had a similar Chatfield and Bien-Stephen set-up. They were allowed to sleep with other people and casually date but not actually have other long-term relationships.

It sounds simple in theory but, in practice, beyond messy. How do you define ‘casual?’ While you can make rules, it is impossible to account for unexpected feelings.

For Abbie Chatfield being in an relationship was her kink but it’s not always so simple. Picture: Supplied.

I quickly discovered that his partner requested that he return home by 11pm to avoid catching feelings. So, I was basically dating Cinderella. As if at the stroke of midnight, he’d magically develop feelings but not a moment before. I was also dating a grown man with a curfew, which was less hot and more weird.

They also had a rule of transparency. They had to share everything that happened with the other person. This may have worked for them, but what about the other people involved? It felt weird and creepy that whatever we did would then be reported back to his partner. Maybe it was saving his main relationship but it felt like a violation of privacy for me.

Naturally, my foray into the world of open relationships ended quickly. It was less sexy and more confusing. Plus, I always got the vibe everyone was constantly getting their feelings hurt.

Now, I know this contradicts all the cool things we hear about open relationships, but the reality of life makes having an open relationship complicated. What happens if you’ve got your period and are feeling miserable, and your partner abandons you to go on a hot date? How do you constantly reset and define boundaries as random life stuff keeps popping up? It is a minefield.

Who knows if Chatfield and Bien-Stephen have split, although neither has denied the rumours … But I wouldn’t blame them if they had. An open relationship opens your relationship up not just to multiple partners but to multiple problems.

Mary Madigan is a freelance writer.

Originally published as ‘Messy’ reason Abbie Chatfield and Konrad Bien-Stephen have likely split