‘They told me it was all in my head’: Mum reveals her traumatic birth story

“It's not like I wear a badge of honour, I'm literally traumatised for life,” mum-of-two Ashley confessed. 

Before becoming a mum, Ashley James’ life looked a bit different.

Before she met her partner, Tom, the former Made in Chelsea star never envisioned herself having a child. In fact, becoming a mother was the last thing on her mind. 

Then the pandemic happened, and everything changed. 

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Ashley never pictured herself becoming a mum. Picture: ashleylouisejames/Instagram

“I always wanted to be child-free”

“It's not like I ever envisioned my life as one day I'll be a mum,” the British influencer said, per The Sun. “I always wanted to be child-free.” 

But when she fell pregnant, Ashley said her world started to change. 

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Things got worse when she was in labour, and the medical staff refused to offer any pain relief unless she passed certain goalposts. 

“They kept not only brushing me off but telling me, 'If you let us do this, then we'll give you pain relief’,” she said. “They basically pinned me down and forced me to do these checks,” she said, but the pain relief “never came”. 

As the world was plunged into the middle of lockdown, Ashley wasn’t allowed to have anyone besides medical staff in the hospital with her. 

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It was only when she started to “beg” to have him in the room that they let him inside.

The entire time she was giving birth, Ashley reminded herself how much she had endured in the past, hoping it would encourage her to push past the distress. 

She tried adopting a “positive mindset”, but she was in excruciating pain. 

“Because I've run a few London marathons, I know that I can kind of push my body past pain,” the now-mum-of-two recalled. “But it was when I got there that things started to feel wrong – as I was in constant pain, 18 hours of pretty severe pain.” 

It wasn’t until she was given the chance to review her hospital records after giving birth that she learned the truth. 

Medical staff reportedly didn’t give her pain relief as they believed she was “coping fine”. Baffled, she even had to clarify with Tom that she made it clear she required medical help, but they brushed it off. 

“It was the worst experience,” she confessed, adding it “completely broke my trust” with medical staff.  

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Ashley's birthing experience was "the worst experience". Picture: ashleylouisejames/Instagram

“We blame the women for having the bad experience”

Still grappling with the pandemic, the first six months were ‘total bliss” with her son, Alfie, she recalled, spending time with her little family and getting used to her new life as a mother.  

Then things got worse, she recalled. 

Following her traumatic birth, the British star claims she was “stitched up incorrectly” and quickly developed faecal incontinence - basically meaning she couldn’t hold in her own bowel movements. 

The mum “felt disgusting” after giving birth, later experiencing vaginismus, which causes the muscles in the pelvic floor to spasm involuntarily, making sex and using personal hygiene products like tampons excruciating. 

“I went from being this really healthy, athletic person to suddenly not knowing if I could trust my body to function,” she said. When she spoke to her doctor about the suspected vaginismus, they reportedly told her the symptoms were “all in her head”. 

“How has it taken people telling me it's all in my head like I'm some crazy woman when it's actually something that women get,” Ashley said. 

But what made her even more frustrated was trying to share her story, which would frequently get knocked back with little sympathy.

“If I try and talk about it, it's like, 'Oh well, at least Alfie was safe' and, 'Do you think you're the first person to go through childbirth?'” she said. 

“Then you also get this toxic positive narrative of, 'All you hear is negative birth experiences' and I'm like, it's not like I wear a badge of honour, I'm literally traumatised for life,” she confessed. 

When Ashley hears comments like this, she can’t help but feel frustrated, adding she always prefaces her comments by clarifying that she “obviously loves” her two kids. 

“It's so frustrating because we blame the women for having the bad experience,” she said. 

Originally published as ‘They told me it was all in my head’: Mum reveals her traumatic birth story