'After everything I've been through, my husband refuses to have a vasectomy'

"His selfish reasoning left me floored." Note: this article mentions sensitive topics.

A mother-of-one who suffered from a traumatic birth and four pregnancy losses has called her husband 'selfish' online for refusing to get a vasectomy. 

"I've recently lost our fourth baby. I've had three previous miscarriages," she explained to Mumsnet. "We had one live birth from an IVF pregnancy, our very young child who has additional needs and was born with a birth defect."

She explains she suffers from multiple medical conditions such as PCOS, fibroids, fluid in the pelvis and she "really doesn't want to" go on birth control and "mess up" her hormones and body even more.

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Her husband's 'selfish' response 

"I suffer enough and have had all number of tests, examinations, surgical procedures, scans and hormones pumped into my body. I've been injured while giving birth very traumatically, many stitches, hemorrhaged etc. I just want to be left alone," she shared.

"We don't have sex often for many reasons. Mainly being I'm exhausted from being 'mummy' and in pain a lot. When we do, it's lovely, and I do love my husband very much. But this evening I asked him if he would think about getting a vasectomy so we can enjoy our sex life again in the knowledge I won't get pregnant and have a miscarriage or another baby."

Image: IStock

Before the mum could even put forward her point of view, her husband apparently "flat out refused."

He said: "I wouldn't put myself through that."

"I am just completely shocked by how selfish that is. It's upset me so much.," the defeated mum said before turning to the community to weigh in on the situation.

"AIBU to be flabbergasted or should I just calm down and try and see this from his point of view?" she asked. 

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"I'd be devastated"

The anonymous woman put up a poll for people to weigh in, and while 83% backed her up, 17% said she was being unreasonable.

Some comments from that 83% included:

"Honestly, some men are just so selfish. No wonder you're flabbergasted."

"What he said was very selfish and inconsiderate of all you have been through. I would be very angry too."

"How dare he let you be absolutely battered and torn and then just sit there on his high horse saying he won't 'put himself through' a minor op (my husband had it, it was very minor) to save you mental and physical anguish."

"I'd be devastated by that response, and I think you two really need to be able to discuss this."

"Any man who can watch his wife go through even a single pregnancy and not be ready to volunteer for a vasectomy when the couple is ready to stop procreating is selfish. Compared to years of side effects and the dangers of birth control and the risks with pregnancy, it is absolutely trivial."

And in the minority camp, some comments included:

"I mean it is his body and he can say no but he should be respectful about it."

"How would you have responded if he'd asked you to get your tubes tied?"

"His body is his choice, and vasectomy isn’t risk-free."

"He shouldn't be bullied into it."

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Originally published as 'After everything I've been through, my husband refuses to have a vasectomy'