Parents defend using soap on a toothbrush as discipline

A “harsh” form of discipline has raised eyebrows on 9’s parenting series, with one dad stating he “couldn’t imagine doing it” to his kids.

Another “harsh” form of discipline has raised eyebrows on tonight’s episode of 9’s Parental Guidance.

The show, which sees parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson and Today’s Ally Langdon team up with 10 sets of parents with very different parenting styles, sets challenges for each family to determine whose style is best.

Last week’s admission from “strict” parents Andrew and Miriam that they sometimes smack their children when they’ve misbehaved led to an emotional debate among the couples.

And while “disciplined” mum and dad Rob and Sue said that “smacking is not a consequence we would ever use” on their two sons, they did confess to sometimes instigating another old-school — and equally as controversial — form of punishment.

“Disciplined” parents Rob and Sue. Picture: Channel 9

The couple admitted to using soap on their sons’ toothbrushes if they’ve sworn or used abusive language. Picture: Channel 9

“I think that if there’s anything that we stick to in our house, it is that when you say there’s going to be a consequence, you actually have to follow through with it,” Sue said, in a video exploring the couple’s parenting style that was played to the room.

“If they use their words incorrectly, if they’re swearing, or if they’re using abusive or rude language, then an obvious consequence for that would be we actually do put a bit of soap on their toothbrush and brush their teeth with soap.”

Her admission was met with horror by the other parents in the room, most of all by Penny and Daniel, who describe their parenting style as “free range”.

“It just brought back some childhood memories that if we did the wrong thing, it was disciplined in a harsh environment,” Daniel said, when asked about his strong reaction.

“My mother washed our mouths out with chilli all the time.”

“Free range” dad Daniel had a strong reaction to the admission. Picture: Channel 9

“I just couldn’t imagine doing it. I just couldn’t imagine.” Picture: Channel 9

Rob, who along with Sue is a teacher, said that the mouth washing was “not delivered in a harsh environment” but instead a “very supportive” one.

“And it’s not done in the moment. It’s a lot of reflection, a lot of talk, a lot of love. Whatever the behaviour choice is, we try to match that consequence,” Sue added.

“If you lie to us or you’ve sworn at us, then hopefully cleaning your mouth with soap, you get that idea of ‘it just wasn’t OK’.”

“I just couldn’t imagine doing it. I just couldn’t imagine,” Daniel responded.

While single mum-of-six Deb, who homeschools all of her children, said that the way Rob and Sue set tasks for their sons resonates with her own style of parenting, “definitely discipline, in the way we’ve spoken about in your family, that would create tears”.

The choice didn’t sit well with other parents in the room. Picture: Channel 9

“French nouveau” dad Yann. Picture: Channel 9

Sue said that a form of discipline like washing her sons’ mouths out with soap was simply about helping them understand “that life has consequences”.

“Whether they’re good or whether they’re bad, every action has a consequence. We just want our boys to understand that,” she explained.

But the choice still didn’t sit well with most of the other parents in the room.

“You’re using the term ‘consequence’ so much, you make me feel like stepping away from even using the concept,” “French nouveau” dad Yann said.

“It sounds ominous, grave, serious. There is nothing that sounds like ‘what goes around, comes around’. It could be delivered as simply as that.”

“Free range” mum Penny wasn’t buying it. Picture: Channel 9

Sue was unhappy that “so much negativity” had been focused on that one aspect of their parenting style. Picture: Channel 9

Rob said that in actuality, he and Sue had only had to use the soap on the toothbrush as punishment “twice in nine years”, while Sue was unhappy that “so much negativity” had been focused on that one aspect of their parenting style.

“We use consequences because it’s real. If you speed, you get a speeding ticket. If you don’t arrive on time to a job interview, you don’t get the job,” she said.

“If we want to prepare our children for the real world, it’s great to start in your home.”

Dr Coulson said that while Sue and Rob were using the word “consequence”, it was really just “a sugar-coated form of ‘punishment’”.

“Consequences and punishments are the same thing in this circumstance. In fact, the research clearly says that when parents are more punitive, they increase the risk that their children will behave in delinquent ways,” he explained.

“Research clearly shows that punishments in parenting don’t work. Whether it’s smacking or soap on a toothbrush, it creates shame, not lessons. In the long run, we get better behaved kids by taking the time to connect when they make mistakes. Just talk to them.”

Parental Guidance airs on Channel 9 at 7.30pm on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday

Originally published as Parents defend using soap on a toothbrush as discipline