‘Strict’ parents slammed for smacking their children on new TV show

An emotional debate broke out on national television over one of Australia’s most “controversial” parenting choices. What do you think?

An emotional debate has broken out on national television over one of Australia’s most “controversial” parenting choices.

On the first episode of 9’s new series Parental Guidance – where parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson and Today’s Ally Langdon team up with 10 sets of parents with very different parenting styles to determine whose is the best – the topic of smacking your children was brought to the forefront by “strict” parents Andrew and Miriam.

“We do use smacking as a form of discipline. It’s one of the tools in the toolbox,” Miriam said, with Andrew adding that “a smack quickly communicates [that] there are boundaries, there are consequences, [and] you can’t just do whatever you want”.

After making the admission in a video that was played to the room, the mum and dad of three were met with a “visceral response” from the other parents.

“Strict” parents Andrew and Miriam admitted that they smack their children as a form of discipline. Picture: Channel 9

Andrew said that “a smack quickly communicates [that] there are boundaries, there are consequences, [and] you can’t just do whatever you want”. Picture: Channel 9

“[It’s] corporal punishment. You’re violating someone’s body … It’s a form of abuse,” Donna, who along with her husband Yann subscribe to a “French nouveau” style of parenting, told the couple.

“I’m just getting a physical reaction to this.”

Andrew, a minister at a Christian church, acknowledged that “this is a controversial topic”.

“Let’s acknowledge that. And in that space it’s good to listen, and to hear [a] story. I was raised in a household where my parents smacked me and Miriam experienced the same,” he added.

“Now, I do not hold any resentment or bitterness to my parents for that. I’ve actually felt that that was a fine form of correction and as I’ve reflected upon that in my upbringing, I’ve thought, well that was a positive tool and so I’ve used that for our children.”

“French nouveau” parents Yann and Donna. Picture: Channel 9

“Free range” parent Penny. Picture: Channel 9

Her husband Steve. Picture: Channel 9

Donna described his justification as “bullsh*t”, while other sets of parents on the show said they were “mortified” and “strongly oppose” smacking, calling it “a big fat no”.

Asked what happens when they smack their children, Miriam said that “we don’t want to lash out in anger and hurt them – that’s not the purpose”.

“We make sure that we have gone through the other different tools and tried different ways, and if there is a situation that has that purpose or defiance and we feel that that particular situation that’s the most effective tool, we ask the child to come to us, we don’t chase them around the house, we don’t try to pin them down or hold them, we ask them to come to us and the smack is delivered on the bottom,” she explained.

Andrew added that the couple feel “that this particular tool, used in this particular way, is child abuse”, and that he was “a little bit surprised by people’s strength of reaction”.

In a challenge that followed – which saw the children “become the parents” – Andrew and Miriam’s kids focused heavily on their mum and dad’s preferred form of discipline, causing a strong reaction from the other couples and from Andrew and Miriam themselves.

“We got disciplined as kids and we got smacked with wooden spoons and it certainly didn’t feel like it achieved anything – anything positive anyway. So for me, absolute deal-breaker,” Daniel, who along with wife Penny describes himself as a “free range parent”, said.

“I’d say just be cautious of what’s internally there for kids.”

Andrew became emotional discussing the possible impact smacking could have on his three kids. Picture: Channel 9

Dad-of-four Tony reacting to Andrew’s admission. Picture: Channel 9

Straight after the challenge, Miriam said she and Andrew “were a bit confronted by ‘is that really how [the kids] see us?’”

And while Andrew said that the “lighthearted way” his children treated the wooden spoon “indicates to them that [the smacking] is not traumatic” and that “if they were truly being abused and there was true trauma there, that wouldn’t come out in a lighthearted way”, he became emotional when asked if one of the reasons he was on the show was to “abolish” smacking from his parenting toolbox.

“I’ve been challenged to think – how do I correct? Is that the best way? I suppose my experience has still been what it has been; overall, this tool has been a positive thing,” he said.

“But we want to be the best parents that we can be, and we want to love our children and see them grow … We all love our kids heaps and it just … you don’t want to do anything as a parent that will give baggage to your kids … We’re doing our best.

“I think parents want the best for their kids, and so this is a good conversation to have and for us it’s been hard, but helpful.”

Parental Guidance hosts Dr Justin Coulson and Ally Langdon. Picture: Channel 9

Dr Coulson said that the discussion “is going to change the conversation about parenting in this country”.

But, he explained, “the research is really clear”.

“Smacking does not serve our children well. It doesn’t help them to grow or develop,” he said.

“In fact, just recently there’s been new studies that have come out about how harsh punitive parenting – including smacking – is associated with reduced brain size in children.

“It’s a hard thing to say in a room like this, but it needs to be said. There just isn’t any evidence to support smacking as a useful parenting tool. It’s one that does need to come out of the toolkit.”

Parental Guidance airs on Channel 9 at 7.30pm on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday